Fuck you, S Meyer.

[logansrogue]

So, I've been reading reviews and sporkings of Twilight and I thought, "You know what? Fuck this."

I'm going to write a really stupid fucking book. It's going to be really fucking stupid and fantasy/supernatural/whatever. Just cause I fucking well can.

It'll be about aliens. That's right. Aliens, high school, and... regional Australia. Maybe I'll release it under a crappy pseudonym. Just as an experiment. Fucking arsetard publishing industry.

Comments

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

I think the fucking stupid book about Aliens and regional australia has already been done

But yeah, you completely should write a dodgy paranormal romance book.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's one I hadn't seen. I was thinking of one that I'd seen that was totally fucking boring.

Dodgy paranormal romance - I'm giving it a go.

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

You should do it. Without question.

Are you going to have a slightly creepy Aboriginal teacher in this high school who knows what's going on with the aliens but nobody believes him because they just think he's a weird superstitious old git?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Magical black man? I would, but I don't know if I could live with myself if I wrote that...

[zzzzsleep.livejournal.com]

Didn't Stephen King do that in "The Shining?". If he can do it why can't you? *tongue-firmly-in-cheek*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh man, the things I could get away with if I took you seriously on that one... LOLOL!

[dromeda.livejournal.com]

I've seen a lot of posts about Twilight though I've never read it (and honestly have no desire to). Is it that bad? Wouldn't surprise me.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

There are sparkly vampires with venomous spit. Who go to high school, even though they're over a hundred years old. And a lead female character who's grumpy, clumsy, plain and ordinary, who EVERYONE LOVES OMG.

That tell you enough? Cause I could go on... (And I've only read sporkings!)

[dromeda.livejournal.com]

Wow, is this some kind of night-time high school cuz I totally thought that vampires had to avoid daylight. It sounds horrible.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh no, no no. See, they go to a high school where it's cloudy. Cause what happens to vampires when they are in full sunlight isn't that they burn to dust... nope. They...

...

SPARKLE!

[dromeda.livejournal.com]

My brain just melted.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Did he dazzle you? (Actual line in book...)

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

I did! I came. I read. I giggled :-D

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

Apparently, some crazy batshit insane mothers attempted to scare the guy who is going to play Sparkly!Vampire! to death over the weekend at Comic Con during a Q and A session. It's over on Fandom Lounge (an offshoot of Fandom Wank). It's...o_0 to say the least. You can read the lunacy over here...

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

Only it's 40 year old Moms that are being dazzled, LOL!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yes. SM let out a huge spoiler. So that's why everyone's talking about it. I'm talking about it because I saw something about it on Fandom Wank and wondered why the hell people read the books in the first place.

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

Wow. That just sounds... special.

I will reserve my judgment on the batshit fandom elsewhere.

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

At least half of my flist lurves the TWILIGHT series and I'm all, "Ugh, vampires, just NO!" And then I heard it was the Kingdom of Sueisms. So, probably not.

[commanderteddog.livejournal.com]

LMAO!

I can't find a link at the moment, but there's a group that's planning to crash various release parties for the last book, dressed up as vampires from various books and series where the vampires are actually bloodsuckers who may or may not be evil. I know there's some people from the Hellsing fandom that are doing it, Hellsing being where vampires carry oversized firearms and fight Nazis for the glory of the Protestants, England and the Queen! o_O

Man. I'm still baffled at the how sparkly got connected to vampires. We need more evil but classy vampires, like the kind Béla Lugosi played. You can't have a twisted, smooth talking businessman character forever in high school.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

HELLSING IS FUCKING BRILLIANT. Seriously, I need to see the entirety of that series. I'm not usually a batshit anime fan, but I was EXCITED about that particular series. It was bloody good!

[commanderteddog.livejournal.com]

Which version of the series? The original one or Ultimate?

The music and the style in the original anime were amazing. That said, Ultimate follows the comic and the comic is batshit insane. In fact, read the comic if you haven't had the chance. The creator has to be dropping some form of heavy drugs. But yeah, the comic has some characters that never made it to the original anime (like Pip and all of the Nazis) and this surreal, twisted sense of humour. Oh, and Seras is about a million times more badass.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was talking about the original anime, but I'm down on drug-induced vampire manga. Sounds awesome.

[shantari.livejournal.com]

Literally! *has seen all of the original anime, and am thinking of reading the manga now that it is in Swedish and therefor actually affordable for me* Plus I love women who can pull of looking hot both as a woman and as a man. *is a total drag king lover*

[perivayne.livejournal.com]

I've read the books, and while all the angsty stuff and ludicrous situations are all that is egregriously cliche, the author's style and characterizations is what captured my attention. JKR captured my attention for her kids and her universe in the same way for the first few books.

I certainly never expected to like the Twiligh books, but they are strangely compelling in composition. The fangirl/fanboy squeeing from her general fandom is awful though. I would point out though that the huge supposed spoiler really ain't that huge.

Don't judge her work by reviews though, I would never have read her stuff if I had been going on those alone. Ick!

[asweetdownfall.livejournal.com]

DO IT.

It sounds too awesome. :)

[shantari.livejournal.com]

*lurves you*

What's funny is that lousy books scare me that I will one day think of myself as a genius just because I can write better. Poor understanding of the self is something I worry about, simply because my imagination sometimes outrun reality. Meh, it's not that big a problem though. I think.

I have Twilight on my computer, and I just can't read it. Forget the way the writer use her language, she should make me able to root for the protagonist! Unless I'm supposed to see the protagonist as a Anti-Heroine (bitch, whatever), but then usually the protagonist is at least a little bit aware that they're not the nicest girl in town. And how about being able to appreciate other human beings like your own goddamn father? No, because everything is about how horrible it is to be Bella, having to actually remember insignificant people's names and share a bathroom with another human being. Wow, life sure is unfair for Bella. At least there is a little silverlining in that she was given her own car by her father that she calls by first name. And other people are so shallow! (Except that she's totally reading herslef into other people, cough!)

You know, I probably should do a proper sporking on my own livejournal. Instead of venting in comments here and there. Hohoho! *laughing like a female villain in anime, complete with the hand shyly covering her mouth*

Your book needs skanks. Filthy skanks that make your main female look like a goddess by comparison. And some nerds to salivate over your main femme too! (You may also involve them in the plot in that their nerdy skills save the day, but still leads to them dying as virgins!) Ohh, and pirates! That don't act like pirates in the least, but they have a sexy captain so who cares? (Actually, the world of media have like a million versions of pirates, I'm not all that sure anymore how pirates truely acts. I know someone who is wellread on that though.) Oh, and also, it should have this super cute mascot thingy! With magical powers! Or something... Oh, and there should be some kind of a sexy ghost who needs the true love of a woman to become who they really are. And one of the aliens should either be or know that ghost!

I could stay up all night coming up with suggestions. :D

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

...Geez! You should just write the damned book! *laughs*

[taintedxtulip.livejournal.com]

the author has a way with words, but a total lack of imagination. i HATE her characters... after knee surgery i was on painmeds, and one of my friends loaned me her collection. a couple of vicodins made the books seem funny beyond belief. but when i read them sober, i wanted to burn them.

whatever you decide to write (zombies/aliens/manga/trash-gothic-fantasy-romance/whatever, i'd like an autographed copy :]

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

G'awww, that's sweet. LOL! Well, I'm writing a serious book too. Knowing my luck, someone will read it and say, "HAH! That's hilarious and awful!" and I'll be like, "But... that's the good one." *laughs*