Back in a financial hole.

[logansrogue]

You know, I'd finally managed to pay most of my debt off to Dad. I was finally at a point where I could start saving for things, you know? Like a new keyboard, or maybe a new laptop.

I'm back on my arse again now cause I need money for psychologist fees. Yeah, I'll get *most* of it back through medicare. But it's more than I can afford per fortnight (I have to pay it out of pocket first, then Medicare will reimburse me). Dad's refused to lend me any more money.

I *need* to see the psych. It's so important. It helped me immensely today. I'm still down but I'm able to pull myself up out of it for a minute or two. And I'm holding onto seeing my psych next week. She believes she can help me move on from this.

God. That's not even mentioning the lorazepam, which is helping me sleep at ALL, and it's not on the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme so it ended up costing me 33 bucks for a packet of - I don't know how many. A lot. Should last me a long time.

Maybe I should finally do that fucking print run this time. I didn't do it before because people wanted faeries and I didn't have many faerie pictures. Time for a mastercard cliche.

Psychologist fees: $140 per hour
Packet of Ativan: $33.95
The chance to recover from sexual assault: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, I'm fucked.

Comments

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Don't you worry. The jovial girl will be back. She just needs time to get her head together.

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Well, God knows, you do have an absolute obligation -- indeed, a Holy Calling! -- to be bright and happy and unchallenging and entertain me at all times...

Oh, wait, no. You are a human being who has a right to feel pain when she's been injured, and your only obligation to those of us who care about you is to be the best you you can, and take the best care of yourself you can.

You're supposed to feel horrible about this. Don't be afraid of it. Experience it, and know it's where you need to travel to come out the other side.

We can't walk that path with you, but we'll send you dispatches from outside, telling you you're in our hearts, and offering you all the support we can.

You can find people who can help more, people who have walked this path and can tell you where there are roots you might trip on. I don't think they can keep you from tripoping, but you can know that that's where people trip, and it's okay to fall, and you can get up and march onward.

We're here, and we care.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. It's exactly what I needed to read today. I keep pushing myself so hard to get better. I have to realise this isn't like building a website, or writing a comic or whatever. I just have to sort of let it happen, like a plant growing or something. And nurture myself.

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what it is, you know. You need to let yourself grow whole again, like the beautiful flower you are. In order to do that, you need to experience what you experience, and know that feeling like crap is part of that.

There is a part of this, of course, that's fighting. In a sense it's like putting up a trellis or a framework to support growing vines. It is, I think, important to put your strength into supporting the regrowth of the parts of you most injured, not letting this permanently rob you of the joy of that part of your life. SOrt of, "Don't let the bastards win," if nothing else.

But the fight to reclaim that joy is not the same as a denial of the pain. You gotta feel it, and make your way through, and you have to know and always remember that you can. It's not about being strong enough to hold it in. It's about being strong enough to collapse and sob and wail when you need to, and know that there are shoulders for you to cry on, arms to be wrapped in, and love to be supported by, all around you.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I actually just got a call from someone who I did an art piece for, someone who I always see at parties and who I like quite a lot but don't get to see much because we live in different parts of Perth.

I yapped her head off on the phone but I was SO incredibly touched that she phoned me at all, God, I just feel happier already. It's a boost in my sagging supplies of happy, you know?

And you've been super awesome too! *hugs you tightly* Thank you so much. :)

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

I can't say, "Its a pleasure," because I hate that you're in a position to need the support. But it's certainly no hardship to support a friend.

So I'm outraged that you need help... But glad to offer mine freely.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Your support has been - there are no words. Seriously. You people are just - so kind, so sweet.