Back in a financial hole.

[logansrogue]

You know, I'd finally managed to pay most of my debt off to Dad. I was finally at a point where I could start saving for things, you know? Like a new keyboard, or maybe a new laptop.

I'm back on my arse again now cause I need money for psychologist fees. Yeah, I'll get *most* of it back through medicare. But it's more than I can afford per fortnight (I have to pay it out of pocket first, then Medicare will reimburse me). Dad's refused to lend me any more money.

I *need* to see the psych. It's so important. It helped me immensely today. I'm still down but I'm able to pull myself up out of it for a minute or two. And I'm holding onto seeing my psych next week. She believes she can help me move on from this.

God. That's not even mentioning the lorazepam, which is helping me sleep at ALL, and it's not on the Pharmaceutical Benefits Scheme so it ended up costing me 33 bucks for a packet of - I don't know how many. A lot. Should last me a long time.

Maybe I should finally do that fucking print run this time. I didn't do it before because people wanted faeries and I didn't have many faerie pictures. Time for a mastercard cliche.

Psychologist fees: $140 per hour
Packet of Ativan: $33.95
The chance to recover from sexual assault: Priceless.

There are some things money can't buy. For everything else, I'm fucked.

Comments

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Oh, fuck.

I'm shocked and heartbroken, not having realized what had made the difference in your state of mind and heart from more carefree earlier days of your journal. There is no filthier, more horrible crime than you've experienced, one which steals an essential joy from your very core.

I'm on the far side of the planet, bending my thoughts and will on your recovery.

You're in my thoughts. I hope that knowledge helps a little.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Don't you worry. The jovial girl will be back. She just needs time to get her head together.

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Well, God knows, you do have an absolute obligation -- indeed, a Holy Calling! -- to be bright and happy and unchallenging and entertain me at all times...

Oh, wait, no. You are a human being who has a right to feel pain when she's been injured, and your only obligation to those of us who care about you is to be the best you you can, and take the best care of yourself you can.

You're supposed to feel horrible about this. Don't be afraid of it. Experience it, and know it's where you need to travel to come out the other side.

We can't walk that path with you, but we'll send you dispatches from outside, telling you you're in our hearts, and offering you all the support we can.

You can find people who can help more, people who have walked this path and can tell you where there are roots you might trip on. I don't think they can keep you from tripoping, but you can know that that's where people trip, and it's okay to fall, and you can get up and march onward.

We're here, and we care.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much. It's exactly what I needed to read today. I keep pushing myself so hard to get better. I have to realise this isn't like building a website, or writing a comic or whatever. I just have to sort of let it happen, like a plant growing or something. And nurture myself.

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

That's exactly what it is, you know. You need to let yourself grow whole again, like the beautiful flower you are. In order to do that, you need to experience what you experience, and know that feeling like crap is part of that.

There is a part of this, of course, that's fighting. In a sense it's like putting up a trellis or a framework to support growing vines. It is, I think, important to put your strength into supporting the regrowth of the parts of you most injured, not letting this permanently rob you of the joy of that part of your life. SOrt of, "Don't let the bastards win," if nothing else.

But the fight to reclaim that joy is not the same as a denial of the pain. You gotta feel it, and make your way through, and you have to know and always remember that you can. It's not about being strong enough to hold it in. It's about being strong enough to collapse and sob and wail when you need to, and know that there are shoulders for you to cry on, arms to be wrapped in, and love to be supported by, all around you.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I actually just got a call from someone who I did an art piece for, someone who I always see at parties and who I like quite a lot but don't get to see much because we live in different parts of Perth.

I yapped her head off on the phone but I was SO incredibly touched that she phoned me at all, God, I just feel happier already. It's a boost in my sagging supplies of happy, you know?

And you've been super awesome too! *hugs you tightly* Thank you so much. :)

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

I can't say, "Its a pleasure," because I hate that you're in a position to need the support. But it's certainly no hardship to support a friend.

So I'm outraged that you need help... But glad to offer mine freely.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Your support has been - there are no words. Seriously. You people are just - so kind, so sweet.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

He's spending money on the house and the car. *shrugs* I don't know.

I don't work well burying things. As chaotic as my life is, I like to keep a healthy, busy mind. With no part a mystery to me, or not understood. Or I go crazy. Hair-trigger bug-nuts.

Hence "Woah! NEW TRAUMA! Not coping! Not coping! Overwhelming HELL! Urge to hurt getting stronger than urge NOT to hurt! Will not ever hurt myself! EVER! Call someone NOW!" And so I did. It's just how I have learnt to survive in life. It's scary to talk about your problems but I find one really does feel better in the long run.

I just feel sorry for the people that aren't as bull-headed as me and go barreling into help, no matter how difficult it might be to get it. The Mental Health system really needs to get its fucking shit together.

[3starsinmyeyes.livejournal.com]

From one assault victim to another *giant hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I never knew. Thank you for telling me.

[3starsinmyeyes.livejournal.com]

i don't talk about it, never told my family and very few of my friends. i didn't get to go to therapy, so if there is ANY way you can pay for it GO!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Am going. Will not allow this thing to take a foothold in my psyche.

[msvinova.livejournal.com]

I've been studying Psych for a while now and I know a loop hole in the system!

If you go to your local GP and ask for a referral letter to see a Psych, they will give you one which covers 10 visits. You then need to phone a couple of Psychologists and ask them if they do the government rebate "referral" (most of them do) and then book into see them. They will still charge you $140 up front, but you leave with the bill and take it straight to medicare and get 90% of the cost back!!!!!!

You MUST obtain the referral letter first.

As soon as the 10 sessions are up, just return to your GP and get another letter and continue your therapy for as long as it's required.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'm on a special plan where medicare will cover the majority of my cost (I only pay 15 bucks or something) for six visits at a time. It's just getting the 140 for the initial visit that's tricky.

[kateshort.livejournal.com]

You know what? I'm sure that there are tons of people who would loan or give you the money.

I always hate it when people do that "I need money, can you send me something via paypal?" shtick... but if ever there was a call for paypal use, this is it.

People may not be able to give you a shoulder to cry on / lean on in person, but I'm sure that there are many who wouldn't mind offering $5 or so so that you could get that shoulder from a trained professional who can help you move through this crap.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'd actually much prefer to sell signed prints or something. I hate asking money for nothing.

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Will you accept payment in advance for a commission?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

If you want. What do you want me to draw for you?

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Well, I'm a big Trio shipper, and really like your Hermione. I'd love a full-color piece of the Trio in the common room, just sort of lounging all over one another. Nothing overtly sexual, just comfortable and loving and supporting and there, enriching one another with love and support nad friendship and comfort, maybe Hermione reading a textbook book and Harry and Ron playing hangman or reading Quidditch magazines or whatever. Oh, and Crookshanks hanging around there, too.

Digital art, not physical.

How does that sound to you?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

That sounds fine, cause physical art is a bugger. It'll give me something to do as well as the other stuff I'm doing. :) Plus I think the Potter Pals out there would be thrilled for me to do new Potter art. ;)

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

Sold!

Name your price, and your PayPal address, and I'll pay you post-haste!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Depends on the DPI you want. :)

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

I like 'em huge! That way I can select and shrink nad so on for icons, etc, as I see fit.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Good to know. :)

[kateshort.livejournal.com]

Holy crap. He seriously won't lend you the money? Does he not realize what happened???

bitzy has some good ideas below. Get those referral letters. Do what you need to do.

Hang in there. *hug* You can make it through this.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Thanks. It's okay. He just won't get any rent from me, that's all. *snort*