There goes another September 11...

I dread this time of year every year. I mean, I'm on the other side of the globe, in Australia, and I know I'll be reminded that 9/11 happened. Words are so trite, I want to say how awful it was but it was beyond awful. It was horrific and frightening and heartbreaking and it just left you sitting there, jaw hanging, wondering how such an awful thing could possibly happen, and how was it that you took security and freedom for granted? (I hate using the word 'freedom' since it was jingoised and thrown about like confetti by the conservative politicians in years afterwards, they made me hate the word).

I remember going through American customs, the thing they worried about being where I was staying and not whether I had vaguely sharp things in my bag or not. Customs was all about making sure diseases and drugs didn't come through. Never a serious thought that someone might hijack the plane and fly it INTO shit.

When I went to see the States, it was a different place. There was such optimism, and brightness and joy. I mean, it had it's problems, but nothing like the ones these days. It hurt, all these years, to see America get pulled down by stupid politics, to see the people hurt by their own government, to see the world shake their head and give up on a nation that had once brought people hope.

Tonight on tv, they showed this documentary that remains one of the most powerful I've ever seen. It's by the two French brothers who went to make a documentary on a young probationary fireman becoming a full-fledged fireman, and ended up catching, well - chaos. It was such an honest and uncluttered portrayal of that day. No jingoism, no bullshit - just what happened. You can't forget that. You can't forget the haunted, lost look on the face of the Chaplain Fireman, who was later pulled out of the rubble dead and was the first listed casualty of the disaster. Or the sounds or the sights of that day (I don't need to repeat them). It's something I think should never be forgotten, but at the same time, it made me realise how people need to really treasure the simple things in life more. I know that sounds fucking twee, but seriously, there are things that people just take for granted and don't realise is special or wonderful or a gift.

Anyway, after that documentary, I was feeling really depressed and crappy about everything, then they put on The Late Show with David Letterman, and the guest that night was Barack Obama.

Now, I know there might be some of you out there that dislike the man. Politics is a dirty, dirty business and I know anyone that gets to the top has to have had some dirty damned dealings to get there. No matter *who* they are. But seeing him talk tonight, after all that horribleness, I felt a bit of hope for America. I felt that maybe it could be that country that sent man to the moon again. Obama seems to be a man that wants to get shit done, and has thought about what shit needs to be done. He might not be the perfect man for the job and, shit, I don't know the intricacies of American politics. What I've heard from Sandy makes my head spin, it's so bloody complicated. All I know is that guy has to be better than either Bush or McCain. He *has* to be.

Of course, all through the 9/11 thing I kept thinking, "Well, something could go wrong with the Large Hadron Collider." Non-sequitir, I know. I have to admit, has been making me fucking paranoid. Someone scientifically minded - can you explain to me how it won't destroy the Earth? That'd be fantastic. Apparently Steven Hawking said it'd be okay, and I usually trust that man on most things, but I have this great esteem in Man's ability to fuck shit up royally.

Meme time!

I did this in someone else's journal and I thought I'd post it:

If YOU'RE ON MY FRIENDS LIST, I want to know 36 things about you. I don't care if we never talk, or if we already know everything about each other. Short and sweet is fine, but long and verbose is awesome too.


1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?
A.

2) What was your dream growing up?
A.

3) What talent do you wish you had?
A.

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?
A.

5) Favourite vegetable?
A.

6) What was the last book you read?
A.

7) What zodiac sign are you?
A.

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.
A.

9) Worst Habit?
A.

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?
A.

11) What is your favourite sport?
A.

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?
A.

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?
A.

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?
A.

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.
A.

16) Do you have any pets?
A.

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?
A.

18) What was your first impression of me?
A.

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?
A.

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?
A.

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?
A.

22) What color eyes do you have?
A.

23) Ever been arrested?
A.

24) Bottle or can soda?
A.

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?
A.

27) What's your favourite place to hang at?
A.

28) Do you believe in ghosts?
A.

29) Favourite thing to do in your spare time?
A.

30) Do you swear a lot?
A.

31) Biggest pet peeve?
A.

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?
A.

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?
A.

35) Do you believe in God?
A.

36) Will you repost this so I can fill it out and do the same for you?
A.

It was World Suicide Prevention day, and I missed it.

I would have left a message in my journal on September 10 talking about how hard it is dealing with depression and how we shouldn't be ashamed of it. Maybe it's a good sign that I was too busy being wrapped up in life (boyfriend, gaming, playing with nieces, etc) rather than focusing on my own sadness.

But it's really important to talk about this issue. A lot of people say talking about an issue doesn't help, but this is one of those cases where they're WRONG. One message at the right time can save a life.

A person should NEVER feel ashamed of having the urge to hurt themselves. Some of us need a little more help than others to deal with stress - this is nothing to feel bad about. People should be encouraged to share their feelings with one another and trust a small circle of people with their problems. Everyone needs help.

I'm lucky. I have friends from all over the globe who have supported me through some pretty black times. I don't know how I am blessed in this, but I thank God and do what I can to help other people as I've been helped - spreading the love, yo.

So if you're feeling black - TALK ABOUT IT. Always talk about it. And don't feel bad about feeling bad. Or taking pills if it comes to that. Most importantly, if you don't suffer depression, make sure you're respectful and supportive of those that do. No kid gloves, no patronising behaviour, no "Pip pip! Chin up!". Just compassion and a little bit of care.

/soapbox.

God I've been serious today! I r serious Nacey! This r serious post!

It's 5am. Ish.

WHY AM I AWAKE?!

...

SPORE! IT'S YOUR FAULT, SPORE!