Religion, spirituality and my beliefs...

[logansrogue]

I'm kinda in a lost sort of place.

I'm reading this book called "Jesus and the Goddess" which has asserted a possibility that Jesus didn't really exist. I didn't like the idea. I've always accepted that he probably didn't exist like we're told he did. I don't expect that he's an ASWM with brown hair, blue eyes, blue robes and a girly pout, but I didn't think that no such teacher-guy existed at all.

Now I know a number of you aren't religious, but I have been brought up by a Catholic woman. She never made me do the things that Catholics do, but I've found Jesus and Mother Mary to be a reassuring presence in my life. I like the idea of a God that looks out for me, that loves me and guides me.

Yet, I can't join most churches, because I do not believe in the patriarchal controlling crap most of these places try to pull. And I disagree with the misogynistic crap in the Old Testament, and the mean Thou Shalt Not! God. That's just not me. I get told by some Christians that I'm not allowed to pick and choose. I have to accept all the bible or none of it. So I don't feel welcome to its wisdom (that is in there, underneath a bit of silly crap and violence).

I can't be a pagan either. Paganists don't tend to really get me. I believe in Jesus, yet I believe in a Goddess? How can that work? I follow Christ's teachings of love and acceptance of others, yet I worship the earth as a living, breathing entity that cares for me, a part of the great energy of the cosmos that made everything that is.

Gnosticism intrigued me, till I hit the bit with the 'secret teachings' and 'hidden mysticism'. That's not the way that true spirituality works for me. For me, it is open to all. All one has to do to be a part of the Spirit is to be good. I like the belief that we're all 'inherently good'. I also like to address the fact that we can all be very, very bad.

I just wish there was a religion that:

- Encouraged looking at *all* religions, to find a general 'truth'.
- Encouraged one to walk their own path to enlightenment.
- Didn't require belief to the exclusion of other religions
- Didn't keep anything 'secret' from the 'uinitiated'.
- Didn't assign stupid names for things (like the assholes that channel Angels and make up all this theoritical bullshit about the nature of the human spirit - if we could possibly comprehend it, we'd be like God. And we're not. So even trying to find a name for it is pointless. It's ineffable, and I'm happy enough to view it as such).

So anyway. Am lost. Am unhappy. I keep praying to God to guide me to a new place, to help me find my spirit home. If I don't find a religion that pleases me in the next ten years - fuck it all, I'm making up my own. Bwahahaha.

Comments

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

I'll pray that God will show you the path that will bring you the greatest enlightenment. I feel at home where I am, despite not knowing everybody at church and not being raised in it. I feel Jesus wants me to do something for others and perhaps this is the best place to do it for me.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Cool. I think this particular brand of Gnosticism that I'm reading about in this book at the moment is kinda perfect for me. But I'll blend Christian Spiritualism in there too. And Pagan Mysticism.