Hrrmph.

[logansrogue]

My nine year old nephew Joshie has developed a love affair with Ripley. Seriously, he goes on about her all the time. "She's fiesty!" he cries. "She's savage!" He likes how tough she is. It's one of the few things that's amused me lately.

I've been very depressed. But duh - you knew that. I went to my doctor today and she really pissed me off. I don't think she meant to.

She just- she said that I look for trouble, basically. That I ask for the drama that I seem to have. This - upsets me. A lot. Let's look at my 'drama'...

- migraines for three months
- depression
- accidental consumption of pot brownies (Was NOT deliberate)
- a break-up

Now - you tell me - are any of those things self inflicted? I mean, sure, I could have saved myself the pain of the pot brownies had I practiced some self-control. But other than that - I do not ask for the nightly mental break-downs. I don't ask for the lack of sleep, or the suicidal feelings. I don't ask for that, I'd rather be without it, but it swamps me.

I feel utterly alone and without help. She said she wouldn't fill out any more certificates for me anymore, which means I have to go to work next week and I'm terrified of what I'll do there. Eh. Maybe it'll do me some good. Who knows.

I just never hated life so much. :(

Comments

[connaka.livejournal.com]

Hey babe. Am really sorry to hear that you've been feeling so 'ugh' lately. I mean, some things you just can't control. Shit happens to people all the time and it's not like we ASK for it - it just happens! I get that. And it fecking sucks that your doctor said that about you. Just-

Just *hugs*, man. Hopefully you'll start feeling more like yourself soon enough.

On a more cheerful note, I guess the bit of reccing I did for Lucky today helped some. See!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I noticed that! You get the official "Nacey's PR" badge. You rock. :)

[connaka.livejournal.com]

Hee! :)) Aw, shucks. I'd be honored! Thanks, man.

*wears badge proudly*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Now you get to drink lots of bollie, call up famous people and wear outrageous clothes. *end shameless AbFab reference*

[connaka.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

Bring it on! But since we're in this together- Cheers, mate! :))

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

:) *giggles*

[japester.livejournal.com]

As posted above, shit happens!
if not certificates, are there other things you can do?
I can't remember if you are takin anything or not. I've been informed that St Johns Wort is a drug that works, if you want to avoid the Prozacs of the world and their inherent side effects.

just try and remember that even when the world seems out to hate you, there are always people who do care. like us!

[auliana.livejournal.com]

No, of course you don't ask for it. A lot of it may just be the symptoms of your depression. She does understand depression, right? Has she started you on medication? I was severly depressed last year and started on Wellbutrin- the difference was AMAZING. I felt NORMAL- not exceptionally happy or carefree, just NORMAL-something I hadn't felt in quite a while.

A doctor who doesn't understand depression is a doctor to get rid of. There is enough of a stigma about depression without having to fight your doctor for care.

I hope you feel better, hon.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the thing. A lot of doctors see these pills as a bandaid. Thing is - the trouble is still there, even if the damning depression isn't. I have pills - they stop me from killing myself, but they don't stop the panic attacks or the late-night sob sessions. Those are just from life sucking. :(

[auliana.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Often the anti-depressants take care of the biological aspect of depression enough so that one can deal with the mental/ environmental aspects more readily. It took me a while to find a combination of antidepresants that made the right difference, but when I did- it was like a light switch.

I'm so sorry, nace. It still sounds to me like your doctor is not being supportive enough. I'm sure it is really unhelpful that the person you go to help you is undermining your feelings.

*snuggles*

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

*hugs*
Haven't seen you online lately. Have missed you. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I've been sleeping in and trying to get better.

[bcp.livejournal.com]

Seriously, get a new doctor. You have to be able to trust them to take you seriously.

[octopedingenue]

*hugs you tightly*

A different doctor is what you need. You are sick, as genuinely sick as if you had the flu, and you're not responsible for that illness anymore than you would be if someone sneezed flu-germs all over you. You need a doctor who understands that. Maybe it would be easier if you wrote up a description of how you're feeling and how it's affected you, like in this post, and take a printout of it with you to a new doctor--it can be easier to describe things clearly in writing than in speech.

I'm worried about you, but not overly so, because I know you're going to pull through. You're one of the strongest people I've ever met.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It's good to hear that I'm not insane. I just hope I can find a doctor that'll treat me right. *hugs* And the me being a strong person thing means the world to me *hugs you*

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

Babe, I miss you so much on AIM. Sorry to hear things aren't going well for you. : (

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

No, things are not going well for me. Things are going righteously SHIT for me, to be honest. Mum just gave me a valium. I was *this* close to freaking out at my boyfriends house. I just couldn't handle it. I did end up bawling and I left. I feel like such a frikking idiot. :( Anyway - I talk to you soon love.

[fyrdrakken]

Hmm, I'm thinking the migraines and break up could be products of the depression. Definitely look for a do who takes you more seriously, and if you get the depression treated properly it should help all round. (Though going back to work might be helpful if only to distract you from your other problems -- and, no doubt, give you a whole set of new ones...)

[fyrdrakken]

That should be, "look for a doc who takes you more seriously," of course.