Hrrmph.

[logansrogue]

My nine year old nephew Joshie has developed a love affair with Ripley. Seriously, he goes on about her all the time. "She's fiesty!" he cries. "She's savage!" He likes how tough she is. It's one of the few things that's amused me lately.

I've been very depressed. But duh - you knew that. I went to my doctor today and she really pissed me off. I don't think she meant to.

She just- she said that I look for trouble, basically. That I ask for the drama that I seem to have. This - upsets me. A lot. Let's look at my 'drama'...

- migraines for three months
- depression
- accidental consumption of pot brownies (Was NOT deliberate)
- a break-up

Now - you tell me - are any of those things self inflicted? I mean, sure, I could have saved myself the pain of the pot brownies had I practiced some self-control. But other than that - I do not ask for the nightly mental break-downs. I don't ask for the lack of sleep, or the suicidal feelings. I don't ask for that, I'd rather be without it, but it swamps me.

I feel utterly alone and without help. She said she wouldn't fill out any more certificates for me anymore, which means I have to go to work next week and I'm terrified of what I'll do there. Eh. Maybe it'll do me some good. Who knows.

I just never hated life so much. :(

Comments

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Well, that's the thing. A lot of doctors see these pills as a bandaid. Thing is - the trouble is still there, even if the damning depression isn't. I have pills - they stop me from killing myself, but they don't stop the panic attacks or the late-night sob sessions. Those are just from life sucking. :(

[auliana.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

Often the anti-depressants take care of the biological aspect of depression enough so that one can deal with the mental/ environmental aspects more readily. It took me a while to find a combination of antidepresants that made the right difference, but when I did- it was like a light switch.

I'm so sorry, nace. It still sounds to me like your doctor is not being supportive enough. I'm sure it is really unhelpful that the person you go to help you is undermining your feelings.

*snuggles*