Misogydouche Bullshit: MEDL's Red Alert.

[logansrogue]

So, a certain mobile phone app company has created a little app for a certain popular phone called "Red Alert".

The concept is to predict when a woman will be in certain phases of her menstrual cycle, so men can adjust their behaviour accordingly to deal with such uncontrollable, wild, terrifying creatures as us women. To quote the website:

“Code Red will be a life saver for thousands of guys out there,” said Kevin Harrison, Co-Creator, “Its each guys personal color coded Terror Alert System…”

Wait - what? Terror Alert System? Are mentruating women flying planes into buildings now?

ALERTS

• Smooth Sailing Alert --- Let’s you know when she’s feeling like a team player.
• Horny Alert --- Let’s you know when you’re able to score.
• PMS Alert --- Let’s you know when to hit the (cold) showers.
• Ovulation Alert --- Let’s you know when to sit on the sidelines (unless you’re ready to start a junior league).
• Code Red Alert --- Let’s you know that it’s game time and you’re way out of bounds.

Dude, if your alert for the go ahead to ask your partner for sex includes the words "team player", then you have WAY more problems than your crappy timing! But it's nice to know there are men out there that are eager to treat women as unreadable, mysterious animals that come in and out of heat without the ability to communicate to their potential sexual partners when they'd very much like to take part in sexy shenanigans.

And way out of bounds during Code Red? What? The vagina is the only way to have fun with your partner? There is no such thing as a blow job now? When I'm horny, Lord knows I love to satisfy a sexual partner, whether I'm able to take part in coitus or not. And do you know what? I get *really* horny during my periods. Figure that one out, douchebags.

Some features of this app:

Helpful suggestions to survive each phase

Links to local vendors for presents, groceries and goods (via Google Maps)

What?! WHAT? WHAT! *roflmao* Survive each *phase*? Yes, we menstrual women are just like dormant volcanoes erupting! Each of our phases need a SURVIVAL TACTIC. And to be quite frank, you can shove your presents where the sun don't shine. I like it when a man thinks of me when I'm having the less fun times of my month, but God damn if I don't despise the idea that all menstruating women need to be placated and shut up as a matter of course, to ease and encourage sexual access and congress.

“It’s good for everyone; It’s a giant step towards world peace.” –Lisi Harrison

Oh fuck off, Lisi Harrison. You and I both know VERY well that it's not grumpy menstrual women that are in the way of world peace. Greedy resource-hungry buttnuts are the problem and you fucking well KNOW it.

Thanks to unfunnybusiness for the heads up on this one.

Comments

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

This member of your sekrit feminist cabal is suitably unimpressed.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

So your male wrangler let you loose from your monthly menstrual cage to use the internets? Cause we're wild, unpredictable horrible animals, don'tcha know.

*sekrit feminist cabal fistbump*

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

I like to think of myself as a wild consistently horrible animal.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Well, at least you're reliable. :)

[boomstick.livejournal.com]

You know, it ALMOST sounded like a good idea if you were trying to have a baby with her, but for fuck's sake. I'm so fucking sick of guys going "DUR HUR U GOT PMS RUN AND HIDE"

I think I get so pissed off when I'm PMSing because of idiot guys who assume that any time thing that irks me is due to PMS...it just couldn't be something THEY did!

Ugh. I'm so glad my boyfriend grew up around women.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Try having endometriosis and dating men. All month long is open season for "Oh, I'm sure it's just the pain and the hormones talking" every time you have a complaint!

[boomstick.livejournal.com]

Seriously. It couldn't be something THEY did, it must be OUR silly hormones!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Right. It's really very infuriating. Especially when they mean well, cause it makes you feel like a bitch for snapping, "NO IT'S NOT MY BLOODY HORMONES!"

[boomstick.livejournal.com]

My ex used to pull that shit on me all the time, which is funny, because I just don't get angry when I have PMS...sometimes I'll get cramps or be a bit more easy to tears, but it's mainly a feeling of bloating. If I'm mad at something while I have PMS, I'll be mad at at any other time of the month too!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'd be mad but I probably wouldn't snap so irrationally, which is what I do when I'm PMSing. I'm not going to lie - I get it pretty bad sometimes (not all the time) and it's not fun. But usually when I realise what's wrong, I can accommodate for that and work on keeping myself calm. It's not something I have no control over whatsoever.

[pharaoh-katt.livejournal.com]

My partner and I have this very simple communication system in place for when I'm on my period or otherwise uninterested in sex.
I say "Sorry, on my period" or "I don't want sex tonight". Works wonders!

Good communication: 1. Misogynist Douchebags: -5000000

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

You and your understanding partner and your LOGIC. Messing it up for the rest of humanity by being reasonable and utilising the gifts evolution provided for us! How are these particular men supposed to have excuses to treat women like shit if you keep providing logical and fair alternatives, Gaw-dammit?!

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

What? Um... WHAT? I couldn't get past the first paragraph.

Jeezus H. Christ on a pogo stick!

Oops. I forgot my mandatory hate-on for Apple in general, and my further pledge never to buy anything that will put money in Steve Jobs's pocket. Phht.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I love some of Apple's products but this shit is bananas. I am sick of their lack of ethics when it comes to what apps they accept on their bloody network.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

I'd like to know how they figure out ovulation, because the whole 'ovulation is always on day x' just doesn't work!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh you and your lady logic!!

(No, I'd like to know the same thing, dude!)

[fallimar.livejournal.com]

I find this stupidly hilarious (in a bad way)

My other half actually keeps track of my cycle on his own because my mood changes amuse him. I had no idea until I was getting extra snuggly in bed and he told me he likes that time of the month because I always get extra cuddly. I thought it was kinda sweet actually. He's a smart one sometimes :P

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I think there's nothing wrong with keeping a track of a partner's cycle as a matter of concern and love. That's NICE. It's the sexist misogynist bullshit language the advertising of this app is couched in that pisses me off.

You and your loved one sound ADORABLE.

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

Sheesh, you're so grumpy about this. Is it that time of the month or something?

*ducks*

Of course, this sort of bollocks is for those guys who get twitchy when you mention the word "tampon", who go on about women smelling bad as if the average cock tasted like chocolate ice cream, and who think that women who instigate sex are sluts. ie dickheads.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, pretty much. If a guy doesn't like the smell of my hoochie-coochie, he's more than welcome not to partake in sexual liaisons. I have a perfectly servicable set of sex toys in such an eventuality. And a hard-drive full of pictures of David Tennant and Kevin Smith (of Xena fame). So really - their call.

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Apparently my entire calculus class (I was the only girl in that maths level) knew when it was 'that time of the month'. In hindsight it must have been pretty funny, back then it was just like 'raaaaaaaaaage I fucking hate this class'.

If you really need an app, you need to learn to pay more attention I think.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Right.

Though judging my bad mood in a maths class is no way to tell if I have a period, cause I don't remember one maths class I ever enjoyed. Other than the one about tesselation, and that's because we got to look at Escher pictures all class, and that's practically art class so it doesn't count.

[hippiegal22.livejournal.com]

Stuff like this pisses me off! I get so sick of the stereotype that women are just a bunch of out-of-control hormones men must tolerate so they can get sex.

My husband says I'm too sensititve to stuff like this. But I grew up with a Father who basically thinks women are too stupid and hormonal to get anything done in life so yeah.................

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Your husband and Dad would be wrong. You are an intelligent human being with the right to be regarded as such without your biology being used as an excuse to discriminate against you. It's okay, it took a long time for me to convince my Dad that I was of any use as well. I think that was after he realised he was only going to have two sons. It was also after I let Mum and Dad know that I like girls too, so I think he sees me as an honourary son, in a way. Which is *so* weird, but sort of sweet in a twisted kind of way. Honestly, I'm happy to get any sort of positive attention from the guy, he's so screwed up.

The other thing that pisses me off is that it's not like guys don't have hormones that screw with them on a regular basis. Yet we don't make noises about disregarding THEIR opinions if they're having a high testosterone day.

[hippiegal22.livejournal.com]

I couldn't agree more. :)

To be honest I gave up trying to have a relationship with my father. The man is so wrapped up in a cocoon of bitterness and blame. I realized when I was in high school that dealing with him is a lost cause. You have to pick your battles.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

This is true. See, my Dad doesn't have bitterness and blame, he's just a dude that sees the world a certain way and sometimes we butt heads. But he cares about his family, he worries about me endlessly, he's always made sure there's food on our table and clothes on our backs and he takes the time to drive me places even though he's old and sore. So I might complain about him sometimes, but he's a good egg. There's a lot worth working for with my Dad.

I'm sorry that's not the case with yours. I'd share mine with you but he's awfully antisocial and xenophobic. He barely tolerates having me around, sometimes! LOL!

[hippiegal22.livejournal.com]

Your Dad sounds like he has a good heart!

My Grandpa was saint. So I tell myself that I had one positive male role model in my life and that puts me ahead of many people. :)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, Dad has his moments, but deep down, he's a good'un. We go to the beach together sometimes and he tells me about his life. He likes to reminisce.

Now my Mum, she's a fuckin' angel. So it all balances out in the end.

[wazira-sharira.livejournal.com]

See, I literally see almost no changes in my moods or personality (and sometimes completely forget when my period is even supposed to BE) so I would laugh if someone set this up on me.

And be like "Um, dude, if I'm stressing out, it's because I'm writing a fucking thesis, not because I bleed from my snatch."

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Precisely. Every woman is different, so such a device is useless in a wide range of situations.

Wide range meaning "most situations".

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

What? WHAAAT? This is just kind of hilariously awful. I have to laugh or I would cry. Also, app-using-dude, if you're not "ready to start a junior league" avoiding sex on a few specific days of the month is not going to cut it o_O

Also also, I know penetration during bleeding isn't everyone's cup of tea, but menstrual blood isn't toxic, it's not like having sex with a menstruating woman is going to kill you.

I escape ridiculous comments about PMSing by not having a period ever at all (and by having a boyfriend who isn't a dickhead) but every time I hear "dur hur hur, that time of the month" I want to kill people. The only time PMS causes me to fly into a rage is when stupid men use it as a way to dismiss my anger as silly girl hormone stuff. GRR.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I laugh by mocking their stupid app. Mock mock mock mock!

I think a lot of people are queasy about blood and don't want to see it all over their genitals. Which is silly, cause blood is just a body fluid. The only downside is blood tends to get a bit sticky and uncomfortable when it dries.

I do get cranky during my pre-menstrual phase, but I usually figure it out and manage to offset it with lots of mental calming and giving myself space to be irritated about things. It's really not that hard to work around. And it most certainly doesn't get in the way of logic.

[shantari.livejournal.com]

*refuses to see this as anything but a belated April Fool's gag*

[meleth.livejournal.com]

Also, not all guys are put off by Communists in the Funhouse.

[meleth.livejournal.com]

Which, btw, is my way of mentioning that, despite being set upon by Communists, I totally had sex last night. And this morning. And there was cuddling.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Rock on wit' yo bad self, girl!

[meleth.livejournal.com]

I had to take my Divacup out and everything. After he informed me that he didn't mind about the Communists (his actual words).

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

ROFL!!!

[meleth.livejournal.com]

It was a seriously fantastic evening. And a deeply silly one. And I'm all giggle and twitter-pated today.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

The best way to be after much sexy rompage!

[meleth.livejournal.com]

I think this thing has real potential.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

No. Apparently that's weird behaviour.

[fallimar.livejournal.com]

haha! The communists is our euphemism too.

"Have the communists been driven out yet? No, they're still cleaning the propaganda from the walls."

XD

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

In the IT Crowd Jen says "I've fallen to the Communists!"