Misogydouche Bullshit: MEDL's Red Alert.

[logansrogue]

So, a certain mobile phone app company has created a little app for a certain popular phone called "Red Alert".

The concept is to predict when a woman will be in certain phases of her menstrual cycle, so men can adjust their behaviour accordingly to deal with such uncontrollable, wild, terrifying creatures as us women. To quote the website:

“Code Red will be a life saver for thousands of guys out there,” said Kevin Harrison, Co-Creator, “Its each guys personal color coded Terror Alert System…”

Wait - what? Terror Alert System? Are mentruating women flying planes into buildings now?

ALERTS

• Smooth Sailing Alert --- Let’s you know when she’s feeling like a team player.
• Horny Alert --- Let’s you know when you’re able to score.
• PMS Alert --- Let’s you know when to hit the (cold) showers.
• Ovulation Alert --- Let’s you know when to sit on the sidelines (unless you’re ready to start a junior league).
• Code Red Alert --- Let’s you know that it’s game time and you’re way out of bounds.

Dude, if your alert for the go ahead to ask your partner for sex includes the words "team player", then you have WAY more problems than your crappy timing! But it's nice to know there are men out there that are eager to treat women as unreadable, mysterious animals that come in and out of heat without the ability to communicate to their potential sexual partners when they'd very much like to take part in sexy shenanigans.

And way out of bounds during Code Red? What? The vagina is the only way to have fun with your partner? There is no such thing as a blow job now? When I'm horny, Lord knows I love to satisfy a sexual partner, whether I'm able to take part in coitus or not. And do you know what? I get *really* horny during my periods. Figure that one out, douchebags.

Some features of this app:

Helpful suggestions to survive each phase

Links to local vendors for presents, groceries and goods (via Google Maps)

What?! WHAT? WHAT! *roflmao* Survive each *phase*? Yes, we menstrual women are just like dormant volcanoes erupting! Each of our phases need a SURVIVAL TACTIC. And to be quite frank, you can shove your presents where the sun don't shine. I like it when a man thinks of me when I'm having the less fun times of my month, but God damn if I don't despise the idea that all menstruating women need to be placated and shut up as a matter of course, to ease and encourage sexual access and congress.

“It’s good for everyone; It’s a giant step towards world peace.” –Lisi Harrison

Oh fuck off, Lisi Harrison. You and I both know VERY well that it's not grumpy menstrual women that are in the way of world peace. Greedy resource-hungry buttnuts are the problem and you fucking well KNOW it.

Thanks to unfunnybusiness for the heads up on this one.

Comments

[stephbg.livejournal.com]

This member of your sekrit feminist cabal is suitably unimpressed.

[boomstick.livejournal.com]

You know, it ALMOST sounded like a good idea if you were trying to have a baby with her, but for fuck's sake. I'm so fucking sick of guys going "DUR HUR U GOT PMS RUN AND HIDE"

I think I get so pissed off when I'm PMSing because of idiot guys who assume that any time thing that irks me is due to PMS...it just couldn't be something THEY did!

Ugh. I'm so glad my boyfriend grew up around women.

[pharaoh-katt.livejournal.com]

My partner and I have this very simple communication system in place for when I'm on my period or otherwise uninterested in sex.
I say "Sorry, on my period" or "I don't want sex tonight". Works wonders!

Good communication: 1. Misogynist Douchebags: -5000000

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

What? Um... WHAT? I couldn't get past the first paragraph.

Jeezus H. Christ on a pogo stick!

Oops. I forgot my mandatory hate-on for Apple in general, and my further pledge never to buy anything that will put money in Steve Jobs's pocket. Phht.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

I'd like to know how they figure out ovulation, because the whole 'ovulation is always on day x' just doesn't work!

[fallimar.livejournal.com]

I find this stupidly hilarious (in a bad way)

My other half actually keeps track of my cycle on his own because my mood changes amuse him. I had no idea until I was getting extra snuggly in bed and he told me he likes that time of the month because I always get extra cuddly. I thought it was kinda sweet actually. He's a smart one sometimes :P

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

Sheesh, you're so grumpy about this. Is it that time of the month or something?

*ducks*

Of course, this sort of bollocks is for those guys who get twitchy when you mention the word "tampon", who go on about women smelling bad as if the average cock tasted like chocolate ice cream, and who think that women who instigate sex are sluts. ie dickheads.

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Apparently my entire calculus class (I was the only girl in that maths level) knew when it was 'that time of the month'. In hindsight it must have been pretty funny, back then it was just like 'raaaaaaaaaage I fucking hate this class'.

If you really need an app, you need to learn to pay more attention I think.

[hippiegal22.livejournal.com]

Stuff like this pisses me off! I get so sick of the stereotype that women are just a bunch of out-of-control hormones men must tolerate so they can get sex.

My husband says I'm too sensititve to stuff like this. But I grew up with a Father who basically thinks women are too stupid and hormonal to get anything done in life so yeah.................

[wazira-sharira.livejournal.com]

See, I literally see almost no changes in my moods or personality (and sometimes completely forget when my period is even supposed to BE) so I would laugh if someone set this up on me.

And be like "Um, dude, if I'm stressing out, it's because I'm writing a fucking thesis, not because I bleed from my snatch."

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

What? WHAAAT? This is just kind of hilariously awful. I have to laugh or I would cry. Also, app-using-dude, if you're not "ready to start a junior league" avoiding sex on a few specific days of the month is not going to cut it o_O

Also also, I know penetration during bleeding isn't everyone's cup of tea, but menstrual blood isn't toxic, it's not like having sex with a menstruating woman is going to kill you.

I escape ridiculous comments about PMSing by not having a period ever at all (and by having a boyfriend who isn't a dickhead) but every time I hear "dur hur hur, that time of the month" I want to kill people. The only time PMS causes me to fly into a rage is when stupid men use it as a way to dismiss my anger as silly girl hormone stuff. GRR.

[shantari.livejournal.com]

*refuses to see this as anything but a belated April Fool's gag*

[meleth.livejournal.com]

Also, not all guys are put off by Communists in the Funhouse.