Fucking doctors.
Sep. 1st, 2009 11:27 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueOkay, so today I went to see my gynaecologist. It's my main one, not one of the under-doctors that I see sometimes. He's a boisterous man in his late 30s, and he clearly loves his work. He isn't, however, the most tactful of men. He's a bit like a game show host, I think.
I've seen a lot of doctors about my endo. Most try to be positive and hopeful and encourage me to try to find a way of dealing with my condition. My gynaecologist does not labour under such restrictions or considerations.
"You'll never be totally pain free!" he says cheerfully, as if I've asked him to give me the figure of Kate Moss and is giving me a reality check. "The only way you'd be pain free is if you were on another planet!" Haw haw! "I mean, it's just the luck of the draw!" he says wisely, like I've missed out on the door prize at a local quiz night.
It was the cruellest way to find out that my life as I knew it, the life I miss, the life I yearn for in hope day after day, is effectively gone. I really enjoyed walking all over the place. I liked being active. I wanted a music career. I wanted so much more for myself. I never wanted to count the spoons, and I never wanted to have to stick to "comfortable" clothes or avoid alcohol due to painkillers but it's my reality now. I lived day in day out hoping that I would somehow be able to find a way out of this horrible place.
So now, now I have to find a way to do as best I can under the circumstances. I think I'll need some time to mourn the days gone, though I've spent enough days bemoaning my lost mobility. I figure now I find a way around this shit.
Maybe I can save up for a Segway. Adam Savage has one. All the cool geeks have one.
I've seen a lot of doctors about my endo. Most try to be positive and hopeful and encourage me to try to find a way of dealing with my condition. My gynaecologist does not labour under such restrictions or considerations.
"You'll never be totally pain free!" he says cheerfully, as if I've asked him to give me the figure of Kate Moss and is giving me a reality check. "The only way you'd be pain free is if you were on another planet!" Haw haw! "I mean, it's just the luck of the draw!" he says wisely, like I've missed out on the door prize at a local quiz night.
It was the cruellest way to find out that my life as I knew it, the life I miss, the life I yearn for in hope day after day, is effectively gone. I really enjoyed walking all over the place. I liked being active. I wanted a music career. I wanted so much more for myself. I never wanted to count the spoons, and I never wanted to have to stick to "comfortable" clothes or avoid alcohol due to painkillers but it's my reality now. I lived day in day out hoping that I would somehow be able to find a way out of this horrible place.
So now, now I have to find a way to do as best I can under the circumstances. I think I'll need some time to mourn the days gone, though I've spent enough days bemoaning my lost mobility. I figure now I find a way around this shit.
Maybe I can save up for a Segway. Adam Savage has one. All the cool geeks have one.
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(no subject)
Date: 2009-09-01 03:50 am (UTC)Are you right for me to come around now? I won't be able to stay long, gotta make an emergency run to the centrelink (and my workplace). Apparently.
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