Tramal = evil!

[logansrogue]

Damn it. Damn it all to hell!

So I finally find a painkiller that actually, you know, kills pain! But guess what?!

It depresses me! This past week I've been feeling really bummed out and unable to see the upside of things, unusually morose, thinking about death a lot, cynical, pouty, uninterested in things I usually love (I have to push myself to do things) and then to top it all off, I've also been getting headaches. The usual headaches I get when I'm taking too many painkillers.

I am SO fucking sick of this game. I mean, I have to weigh up what is more important to me - mental well being or being without any real pain to speak of. And it's so, so SWEET to not be in pain. I love sitting here, knowing I can jump up and go do something if I really, really wanted. I'm still exhausted at the drop of a hat but there's no pain, and that's a real, REAL help.

But GOD, this mood is killing me! I'm so effing miserable. I feel - this is going to sound really stupid and I know many of my atheist friends will laugh - cut off from God. There's a certain emotional pathway that's tied up with optimism in my brain that I use to 'pray' or to feel close to God and right now, I'm not feeling it. I'm not feeling hope either. No hope, no faith, no brightness. Just this sort of vague sense of "What's the point? It all comes to death and nothing." And I'm sure that's TOTALLY in vogue in some emo circles but for me - no thanks. I am a bright, happy, optimistic person and I miss being happy.

So I don't really know what to do. I'm going to talk to my doctor next week. I've only been on Tramal a couple of weeks but I'm thinking I'll wean myself off. I'd rather be in pain than be depressed. But I'm really, REALLY going to miss not being in pain. *whimper*

Comments

[nephron.livejournal.com]

Are you certain it's the tramadol making you depressed, and that it's not just a coincidence?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

No, I'm not certain. But this dead feeling - gah. I've never felt anything like it, not in all the years of being depressed. Even in my darkest times, I've had faith and hope. I feel like a part of myself is dead - it's like a chemical-y feeling. I've tried lots of different pills and it's that feeling you get when you know a chemical is supressing something, you know?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I have no idea. I didn't take the pill last night or this morning and I'm actually feeling pretty good. So who knows. *shrugs*

I love that icon, by the way. What is it?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Shit - that kid has talent! It's brilliant!!!

[angriest.livejournal.com]

Is it possible to take a lower dosage of Tramal, that might still give some pain relief yet not trigger depression? (Assuming, as noted above, it's definitely the Tramal that's affecting your mood.)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'm on one Tramal a day as it is, and it's a slow release pill so I need to build it up to get any effect. I didn't take any yesterday and I feel all right now.

[secrets-n-lies.livejournal.com]

ok this may sound completely weird and innapropriate... but have you ever tried smoking (or eating) marijuana for the pain?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Not at all inappropriate. Sadly I suffer from mental instability at the best of times, and marijuana makes it ten times worse. Bad stuff for me, unfortunately. Which is sad cause, well, I used to like getting high LOL!

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

ugh ... this sounds horrible. But maybe you should see if this depression continues and if it really is linked to the meds. Maybe you became depressed and the Tramal just amplified it. I know I felt doped when I first start meds but then it levels off. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs* I'll talk to the doctor and see what he thinks.

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

sounds like a good idea. I mean it'd be the best of both worlds if you could not be in pain and not be depressed as well. *hugs*

[amandioka.livejournal.com]

People here do give better advices than me so, even though it may not be helpful, I'll just offer some virtual hugs ***hugs***

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, darling!

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

I don't know what other meds you take, but it's possible that you may be having a cross-reaction with something else that could be making you depressed, or exacerbating symptoms that may have been manifesting themselves. I'm no doctor.

If you want to chat, I'm about.

{{{Nace}}}

[classicanne01.livejournal.com]

Meds can be tough to balance out.
I hope you find something that works for you and doesn't make you all wonky.
:-)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, babe!

Song for you

[sailorcelestia.livejournal.com]

Music Video: LITHIUM (http://www.singingfool.com/Music/Video/LITHIUM/T00076077.htm) -Evanescence (http://www.singingfool.com/artist/video/+Evanescence/A00020978.htm)