The worst day.
Feb. 24th, 2005 07:20 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueI went to a Music Manager's Forum today, and they had this thing on in the afternoon where you put in your music anonymously and a panel of industry big-knobs would critique it.
There were a couple of reps from MGM records, Library-Spice from JJJ, some smaller record company label reps, and well - I was excited. Scared, but I thought that my music had something to it so I might get some helpful feedback.
How wrong I was.
They listened to a verse and a chorus of Touching You, Touching Me.
The first thing the guy from MGM said was that he thought my singing was awful.
The girl from JJJ didn't say anything.
An older rep said that he thought the lyrics were terrible and proceeded to mock them. "I mean - heh - Are you feeling me touching you touching me?"
I didn't cry. I held my shit together and walked out of there. Then I called Tina on the mobile and bawled my eyes out, feeling that I'd somehow gotten it wrong all these years, that I actually suck and that I shouldn't be doing music at all.
Thing is, I couldn't quit if I tried. I'm stuck in this mess now, music is my life and I can't stop doing it. I love it too much. I just felt like someone slit my wrists in front of me.
I keep thinking that there are some of you out there that like my music. That there are those of you that listen to it and enjoy it, you sing to it in your cars and have it in your playlists.
You've saved me today. I thought of you when the record big guys laughed in my face. It really is people like you that keep me going. And even if I never make it and I die tomorrow and never write another song - I made some of you happy for even a second. And that means the world to me.
ETA: Mum and Peter and Helen reckon I should go to the second day of this MMF thing. I would have ten minutes one-on-one with several industry people to talk about my demos. I really - I just really want to stay home and try to get my freakin' head together again, you know? Bwah!
There were a couple of reps from MGM records, Library-Spice from JJJ, some smaller record company label reps, and well - I was excited. Scared, but I thought that my music had something to it so I might get some helpful feedback.
How wrong I was.
They listened to a verse and a chorus of Touching You, Touching Me.
The first thing the guy from MGM said was that he thought my singing was awful.
The girl from JJJ didn't say anything.
An older rep said that he thought the lyrics were terrible and proceeded to mock them. "I mean - heh - Are you feeling me touching you touching me?"
I didn't cry. I held my shit together and walked out of there. Then I called Tina on the mobile and bawled my eyes out, feeling that I'd somehow gotten it wrong all these years, that I actually suck and that I shouldn't be doing music at all.
Thing is, I couldn't quit if I tried. I'm stuck in this mess now, music is my life and I can't stop doing it. I love it too much. I just felt like someone slit my wrists in front of me.
I keep thinking that there are some of you out there that like my music. That there are those of you that listen to it and enjoy it, you sing to it in your cars and have it in your playlists.
You've saved me today. I thought of you when the record big guys laughed in my face. It really is people like you that keep me going. And even if I never make it and I die tomorrow and never write another song - I made some of you happy for even a second. And that means the world to me.
ETA: Mum and Peter and Helen reckon I should go to the second day of this MMF thing. I would have ten minutes one-on-one with several industry people to talk about my demos. I really - I just really want to stay home and try to get my freakin' head together again, you know? Bwah!
