The worst day.

[logansrogue]

I went to a Music Manager's Forum today, and they had this thing on in the afternoon where you put in your music anonymously and a panel of industry big-knobs would critique it.

There were a couple of reps from MGM records, Library-Spice from JJJ, some smaller record company label reps, and well - I was excited. Scared, but I thought that my music had something to it so I might get some helpful feedback.

How wrong I was.

They listened to a verse and a chorus of Touching You, Touching Me.

The first thing the guy from MGM said was that he thought my singing was awful.

The girl from JJJ didn't say anything.

An older rep said that he thought the lyrics were terrible and proceeded to mock them. "I mean - heh - Are you feeling me touching you touching me?"

I didn't cry. I held my shit together and walked out of there. Then I called Tina on the mobile and bawled my eyes out, feeling that I'd somehow gotten it wrong all these years, that I actually suck and that I shouldn't be doing music at all.

Thing is, I couldn't quit if I tried. I'm stuck in this mess now, music is my life and I can't stop doing it. I love it too much. I just felt like someone slit my wrists in front of me.

I keep thinking that there are some of you out there that like my music. That there are those of you that listen to it and enjoy it, you sing to it in your cars and have it in your playlists.

You've saved me today. I thought of you when the record big guys laughed in my face. It really is people like you that keep me going. And even if I never make it and I die tomorrow and never write another song - I made some of you happy for even a second. And that means the world to me.

ETA: Mum and Peter and Helen reckon I should go to the second day of this MMF thing. I would have ten minutes one-on-one with several industry people to talk about my demos. I really - I just really want to stay home and try to get my freakin' head together again, you know? Bwah!

Comments

[hipikat.livejournal.com]

That's terrible :( Your singing certainly isn't shit. So big, manufactured industry isn't your niche...

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs* All I can think is that I'll have to do it the hard way like John Butler or something. *sigh*

[akire-yta.livejournal.com]

Hon, think about the crap the bigwigs have been pushing lately (Paulini anyone? Shannon Fucking Knowle. That guy with the boofy hair? DELTA GOODREM!)

Then think if you want to keep that company

No. I thought not.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yeah, well, these people like to think they're the cutting edge of "Indie" pop. JJJ girl certainly. They shat on *everything* that was played. There was only one or two songs that they liked. They were like, "We want something different." That's crap. I had something different, I mean, shit -Touching YTM -it's Kate Bush and Massive Attack humping a harem full of arabic belly-dancers. They hated it!!

I don't know. I just really felt like I'd had it wrong all these years and I wasn't supposed to be doing music at all. :(

[sexyjanet.livejournal.com]

Whoa...I just DLed your song.

It's AMAZING!! F**k those people. They don't know what the hell they were talking about.

Nancy, you have a beautiful voice.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, sweety. *hugs* I'm so glad there are people like you around that enjoy listening to me sing. Without you I'd be a bird on my own, whistling for nothing. :)

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

Those guys are jerks. That said, the way to make a *living* in music (though not necessarily become famous) is to be a gigging musician. My boy Monte is still not "famous" (not someone that a gazillion people go to see at an arena), but he's respected in the music industtry, gets great reviews on his CDs and live performances and is even on the cover of the guitar magazine right now here in the states. Of course it's taken him 20 years of gigging (at least 100 gigs/year) to get to this point; at one point he was earning his living by singing for tips in restaurants. The long and short of it is that you shouldn't be discouraged by these bozos, but if you're really serious about music being "your life", you shouldn't expect to get "discovered" through a demo CD. If your music isn't what the bigwigs think will be popular, there won't be a hrass ring for you to catch. Go out and build a fan base. *hugs* [/music industry rant]

[amezri.livejournal.com]

Industry people are a bunch a fuckers. Don't let it get you down. You have a gorgeous voice, but maybe it's just not fitting into their current pop-star, instant smash fixation. You're just going to have to take the punches until you become world famous and can shove it back in their faces ;)

[firvulag.livejournal.com]

Hey, we all know you're singing is cool. Just that the big guys don't like what you do, and unfortunatelly they decide what we have to put up with on the radio. That and the teenies that go buy all the rubbish they come out with.

*hugs*

[zebeckras.livejournal.com]

I don't know if music execs have gotten more blunt and shitty since Simon Cowell made it popular, or if they've always been that way and Simon just sort of made it publically known. But either way, I've never liked it, and that's a huge part of the reason I don't like to watch "American Idol". Especially since sure, some of those people they mock are genuinely terrible, but some of them have actual talent that could be trained - not in this particular forum, no, but if they worked for a while - and instead they tell them "never sing again" and things like that.

Talent? It's entirely subjective. If I'd been the exec at Mariah Carey's audition, for example, the woman would have no career. ;) There are a TON of well-loved singers and musicians and so forth out there who I think can't sing better than a dog, and people love 'em. There are also people out there whose voices I think are gold, whose songs are magic, and the crowds completely ignore them or have the same kind of knee-jerk reaction to them.

I guess my point here isn't just that it's their opinion, not a true judgement of your talent - because who can give that? You have fans - including me - clearly therefore you don't suck. ;) - but also that I hate how execs are all "feh, if you can't sing the way I want you to, don't sing at all." Just... feh to them, then. :P *hugs and support*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Zeb. *hugs you tightly* All I can think to do is keeping doing what I do and try to be the best musician I can, you know? *nods*.

[dejaspirit.livejournal.com]

I know it hurts, hon, but I think if you're serious about this music thing you shouldn't dismiss them entirely. (Granted they, were rude and over the top and your singing isn't awful) but I listened to the Demo and I have to say it really does need some work. The production side of it, anyway. It isn't ready to give to record execs.

If you want a more detailed explanation, I'll be happy to help, but I won't do it here.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Dude, I know the demo is shit. I said so when I handed it in, I said, "It's not good, it's terrible quality." But it wasn't the production they criticised me for, you know? It was the actual song itself, and that upset me terribly.

I know the number one tip for myself as far as production goes - go to a freakin' studio. I haven't got any money, so I just try to record my ideas at home so that I don't lose them. It's all so very frustrating.

Either way, I'd love to hear what ideas you have about my demo. Your help is deeply appreciated. You can mail me at nacey at iinet dot net au if you like. *hugs*

[spikesbuffy.livejournal.com]

*hugs you*

The guy from MGM must be deaf. You havea gorgeous voice.

I think you should go back, Muppet.

[nephron.livejournal.com]

Some people get kicks out of shitting all over other people. Sad but true.

*hugs* You deserve better.

[mix-o-choc.livejournal.com]

Buck up Nancy, the music industry is full of people who will diss you and do far worse than that guy did to you today. Learn to take the knocks and stay focused on the dream otherwise what hope do any of us others with less drive than you have?

[weird4hanson.livejournal.com]

Fuck them! You rock, and it's their problem if they can't see it! Don't let it get you down because every single artist in the history of the world has had arseholes like that trying to tear their dreams away. Lauryn Hill? She got booed off the famed Apollo stage more than once. And years later, those same people were awarding her 5 or 6 Grammys at a single show. Leo DiCaprio got told that his name was too "ethnic" and to change it to something more generic. Well, these days, those people can't kiss his arse hard enough.

Keep your head up. You'll get there, you'll see *HUGS*

[rainfletcher.livejournal.com]

Bunch of burned-out turds. I have to wonder what kind of person gets drawn into that job - are they people who genuinely love music, or do they get off on having the power to so completely crush people with their words? Or do they start off as the former and gradually mutate into the latter?

I need to make a Nacey CD so I can play it in my truck.

The first time I actually heard your voice (after reading you in this silent medium for a while now) was Girl in the Long Grass. Which gave me the freaking chills. (And in a good way!) You've got something there that can and will touch people, even if it will never get past the closed ears and jaded hearts of the Executives. Such a damn shame that people whose primary interest is money are allowed to judge art... or indeed are the only ones considered qualified to do so...

You're not fooling yourself by wanting to create music, art and prose. The only way we fool ourselves is by accepting the judgment of others as law and by giving up on our visions to create.

Short form of the above: Fuck 'em.

[connaka.livejournal.com]

aww, sweetie. <3 I loff your music and YOU know that you've put all that you could into it, and that's all that matters.

*huggles*

[lissannej.livejournal.com]

Sweetie, I meant to post on this when I saw it but got caught up. I'm sorry they were so harsh about your song -- but you shouldn't give up. If you really want to do this, then you have to prepare to be rejected. Industries such as the music one is full of them -- it doesn't mean you won't make it. You just have to persevere.

I haven't spoken to you for ages! Buzz me next time you're on. Would love to catch up. ♥

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I totally will, man. For now - eeep! Gotta get ready for a party! *hugs you to the shiz*