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Nature is powerful.
Feb. 18th, 2012 07:43 pmI am reminded strongly of this fact every time I have a period. I know I'm being pretty much a textbook mungbean Pagan feminist cat lady here, but seriously, how can I not be reminded of the fact?
For a week before my period starts, I can feel my body changing and readying itself. It changes noticeably, not subtly. My breasts get heavier and larger. My guts swell and get tender. My moods become volatile and unreasonable, or brittle and fragile. And then in the short days before the bleeding starts, the cramps go from persistently annoying to "Oh God, hold onto something, aaaAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
And then, when the pain hits and I sit there frantically throwing every modern convenience I have at it (pills, heat packs, essential oils, swear words, though that last one is traditional), the pain continues unabated. The tide keeps rolling in and I have that horrible, messy, agony-riddled period. And yes, I've tried the pill, I've tried a lot of hormone-based contraceptives and they all leave me in a worse state than the period has me in. Apparently, I'm hormone-sensitive (NO SHIT, LOL).
So, you know, when all that hits you, when your body and nature come together to make this thing happen, month after month, you come to know not only the rhythm of those changes, but the folly of trying to fight them. You learn that, hey, you're just a mortal, a fleshy, transient human that is bobbing on a tide and the waves will come as they must and there's not a lot you can do about it. Whether that be the expected, normal happenstances of being human (periods, babies, etc) or the unexpected (illness, disease).
A lot of people fear that, but after years of having rather debilitatingly painful periods and endometriosis, there's a peace within me that has developed. I had my time of kicking and screaming and shouting at God and the other Gods and what have you. The pain continued (as you would expect). There comes a time when you grow still and stop and see the power of what is happening to you.
I can't help but be a little awed at what nature can do. Not at the endo, I'm pissed off about that and I'm not in awe over that at all. I'm impressed at how fast the shit can grow, and I'm intrigued by the mystery of what it actually is and why it's happening, but I don't feel awe about that. But my natural rhythms, the way the cramps come out of nowhere, the changes I feel in my body and the fact that after all that blood and mess and discomfort, a week later I'm fine as if nothing has happened... that's pretty incredible. And mundane.
I had a discussion with my boyfriend the other day. He was saying how he didn't like to just accept things, that he liked to try to fix things, change things. I've heard a lot of people talk that way before. I said to him that after the way my life has been, one must learn to embrace some things, to understand that you can't change them, they're going to happen, and it's better to relax and deal with it rather than freak out.
I have to wonder if surrounding ourselves with modern conveniences and having the power to change so much has made us, as a species, afraid of losing control. And more important, if it has made us disrespectful of nature, forgetting all that it can do, all that it is capable of, ignorant of its beauty and terror. Some of us are reminded of what nature can do on a regular basis, for whatever reasons. I can't help but feel a little blessed to have that understanding.
When the cramps hit me, there's not much I can do. I do my breathing, I pray that the drugs will take the edge off, that I can lie down comfortably (most times I can't and have to go on all fours in the kitchen and do pelvic rocking) and I wait for it to pass. There's nothing else I can do. I've tried. I've struggled, I've fought, I've sworn, I've kicked and I've screamed.
And these days, I just hold on, brace myself, and then witness the wonder of my body. It's replenishing itself. It is getting ready to be fertile again. It's doing what these sorts of bodies have been doing from time immemorial. It's kind of awesome, in its own way. I can't help but be impressed, and to be thankful. The inevitability of it in my body makes me feel connected to the rhythms of the world around me. Things that are also inevitable and unchangeable.
I think, when one's comfort and lifestyle is at the whimsy of nature, one tends to have an appreciation for its power. I've tried all the other emotional responses. So these days, I just choose to be impressed.
Dang, Nature. You one tough sister.
For a week before my period starts, I can feel my body changing and readying itself. It changes noticeably, not subtly. My breasts get heavier and larger. My guts swell and get tender. My moods become volatile and unreasonable, or brittle and fragile. And then in the short days before the bleeding starts, the cramps go from persistently annoying to "Oh God, hold onto something, aaaAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!"
And then, when the pain hits and I sit there frantically throwing every modern convenience I have at it (pills, heat packs, essential oils, swear words, though that last one is traditional), the pain continues unabated. The tide keeps rolling in and I have that horrible, messy, agony-riddled period. And yes, I've tried the pill, I've tried a lot of hormone-based contraceptives and they all leave me in a worse state than the period has me in. Apparently, I'm hormone-sensitive (NO SHIT, LOL).
So, you know, when all that hits you, when your body and nature come together to make this thing happen, month after month, you come to know not only the rhythm of those changes, but the folly of trying to fight them. You learn that, hey, you're just a mortal, a fleshy, transient human that is bobbing on a tide and the waves will come as they must and there's not a lot you can do about it. Whether that be the expected, normal happenstances of being human (periods, babies, etc) or the unexpected (illness, disease).
A lot of people fear that, but after years of having rather debilitatingly painful periods and endometriosis, there's a peace within me that has developed. I had my time of kicking and screaming and shouting at God and the other Gods and what have you. The pain continued (as you would expect). There comes a time when you grow still and stop and see the power of what is happening to you.
I can't help but be a little awed at what nature can do. Not at the endo, I'm pissed off about that and I'm not in awe over that at all. I'm impressed at how fast the shit can grow, and I'm intrigued by the mystery of what it actually is and why it's happening, but I don't feel awe about that. But my natural rhythms, the way the cramps come out of nowhere, the changes I feel in my body and the fact that after all that blood and mess and discomfort, a week later I'm fine as if nothing has happened... that's pretty incredible. And mundane.
I had a discussion with my boyfriend the other day. He was saying how he didn't like to just accept things, that he liked to try to fix things, change things. I've heard a lot of people talk that way before. I said to him that after the way my life has been, one must learn to embrace some things, to understand that you can't change them, they're going to happen, and it's better to relax and deal with it rather than freak out.
I have to wonder if surrounding ourselves with modern conveniences and having the power to change so much has made us, as a species, afraid of losing control. And more important, if it has made us disrespectful of nature, forgetting all that it can do, all that it is capable of, ignorant of its beauty and terror. Some of us are reminded of what nature can do on a regular basis, for whatever reasons. I can't help but feel a little blessed to have that understanding.
When the cramps hit me, there's not much I can do. I do my breathing, I pray that the drugs will take the edge off, that I can lie down comfortably (most times I can't and have to go on all fours in the kitchen and do pelvic rocking) and I wait for it to pass. There's nothing else I can do. I've tried. I've struggled, I've fought, I've sworn, I've kicked and I've screamed.
And these days, I just hold on, brace myself, and then witness the wonder of my body. It's replenishing itself. It is getting ready to be fertile again. It's doing what these sorts of bodies have been doing from time immemorial. It's kind of awesome, in its own way. I can't help but be impressed, and to be thankful. The inevitability of it in my body makes me feel connected to the rhythms of the world around me. Things that are also inevitable and unchangeable.
I think, when one's comfort and lifestyle is at the whimsy of nature, one tends to have an appreciation for its power. I've tried all the other emotional responses. So these days, I just choose to be impressed.
Dang, Nature. You one tough sister.
