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Letters to the World
May. 27th, 2010 03:55 amDear Hair Care Industry,
Cut the bullshit. Please? For my sanity? Here's the deal - I got oily hair. Oily, greasy, slippery, ethnically fantastic hair. My gran was Maltese. I have olive skin and dark brown hair that builds up oils in a day. Oh, my skin is oily too. You know what? I LIKE THAT. I have less eye wrinkles than my younger sister, who took after my Dad (who is German) and is blonde and drier than I am. People mistake me for a 25 year old, and I'm turning 31 this year. I have the shiniest, healthiest God-damned hair after a good wash. I'm proud of my body, I'm proud of my ethnicity (as mixed as it is) and I'm well-aware of the beauty advantages I'm afforded with these over-active oil glands.
But here's the deal - I need special hair care. I need shampoos with a specific pH level and certain ingredients that don't load my hair with minerals, and at the same time cut through the copious amounts of grease my apparently dry scalp exudes every day.
Yet, for some reason unknown to me, despite the fact that BILLIONS of people share the same hair care woes as me as far as oil is concerned, I CANNOT FIND A GOOD SHAMPOO TO SAVE MY LIFE.
You know why? BAD MARKETING.
Cause you fuckers don't SAY that a shampoo is for oily hair anymore. When I was a kid, you did. These days? OH NOES gotta hide yucky things and pander to the market because holy shit, wimmens are stupid and they won't buy a product that accuses them of having OILY hair. Not OILY hair! That shit is way ethnic!
Well thank you, you bastards, for making my life that little bit more difficult. Let's see, there's CLARIFYING shampoos, shampoos for FINE hair, shampoos for VOLUMISING, shampoos for DEEP CLEANSING, shampoos for FORTIFYING and PURIFYING and REGULATING and NORMALISING. CUT THAT SHIT OUT, ALREADY.
I just want a shampoo that'll WASH MY GOD-DAMNED HAIR AND SAYS THAT IT WILL ON THE PACKET. I would be over the moon with a shampoo bottle that didn't try to blow smoke up my ass with beauty bullshit and just said, "Here, you oily beast, this shit will wash the grease away and you won't look like you fell into a bucket of hot chips not twelve hours after your last shower." Or, you know, "For Oily Hair."
For a while I thought it was because I'm in Australia, and in Australia, they don't have shampoo for oily hair because there's so many bloody white people here. I thought that's why I could only find shampoos for dry hair, for coloured hair, deep oil treatments, moisturising infusions, etc etc, whenever I went to the supermarket. No, no this wasn't it after all.
It's something bigger than that, cause when I went to look for stuff on the internets, I couldn't really find any shampoo there either. Maybe my Google-Fu is failing me, I'm not sure.
All I know is have dollars to give to the Hair Care industry and no bastard to recieve it in exchange for goods I can actually use. For now I stick to Sunsilk Long'n'Strong, cause it's the only thing that doesn't make my scalp itch.
Yeah, I said it. Talkin' to you, Pantene, you fuckin' jerks.
No love,
--N
ETA: If I see ONE MORE GOD DAMNED product description that says "Without stripping it of its natural oils" I WILL FUCKING SCREAM. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT IT TO DO, FUCKER. IT'S WHY I WASH MY GOD DAMNED HAIR EVERY DAY!
Cut the bullshit. Please? For my sanity? Here's the deal - I got oily hair. Oily, greasy, slippery, ethnically fantastic hair. My gran was Maltese. I have olive skin and dark brown hair that builds up oils in a day. Oh, my skin is oily too. You know what? I LIKE THAT. I have less eye wrinkles than my younger sister, who took after my Dad (who is German) and is blonde and drier than I am. People mistake me for a 25 year old, and I'm turning 31 this year. I have the shiniest, healthiest God-damned hair after a good wash. I'm proud of my body, I'm proud of my ethnicity (as mixed as it is) and I'm well-aware of the beauty advantages I'm afforded with these over-active oil glands.
But here's the deal - I need special hair care. I need shampoos with a specific pH level and certain ingredients that don't load my hair with minerals, and at the same time cut through the copious amounts of grease my apparently dry scalp exudes every day.
Yet, for some reason unknown to me, despite the fact that BILLIONS of people share the same hair care woes as me as far as oil is concerned, I CANNOT FIND A GOOD SHAMPOO TO SAVE MY LIFE.
You know why? BAD MARKETING.
Cause you fuckers don't SAY that a shampoo is for oily hair anymore. When I was a kid, you did. These days? OH NOES gotta hide yucky things and pander to the market because holy shit, wimmens are stupid and they won't buy a product that accuses them of having OILY hair. Not OILY hair! That shit is way ethnic!
Well thank you, you bastards, for making my life that little bit more difficult. Let's see, there's CLARIFYING shampoos, shampoos for FINE hair, shampoos for VOLUMISING, shampoos for DEEP CLEANSING, shampoos for FORTIFYING and PURIFYING and REGULATING and NORMALISING. CUT THAT SHIT OUT, ALREADY.
I just want a shampoo that'll WASH MY GOD-DAMNED HAIR AND SAYS THAT IT WILL ON THE PACKET. I would be over the moon with a shampoo bottle that didn't try to blow smoke up my ass with beauty bullshit and just said, "Here, you oily beast, this shit will wash the grease away and you won't look like you fell into a bucket of hot chips not twelve hours after your last shower." Or, you know, "For Oily Hair."
For a while I thought it was because I'm in Australia, and in Australia, they don't have shampoo for oily hair because there's so many bloody white people here. I thought that's why I could only find shampoos for dry hair, for coloured hair, deep oil treatments, moisturising infusions, etc etc, whenever I went to the supermarket. No, no this wasn't it after all.
It's something bigger than that, cause when I went to look for stuff on the internets, I couldn't really find any shampoo there either. Maybe my Google-Fu is failing me, I'm not sure.
All I know is have dollars to give to the Hair Care industry and no bastard to recieve it in exchange for goods I can actually use. For now I stick to Sunsilk Long'n'Strong, cause it's the only thing that doesn't make my scalp itch.
Yeah, I said it. Talkin' to you, Pantene, you fuckin' jerks.
No love,
--N
ETA: If I see ONE MORE GOD DAMNED product description that says "Without stripping it of its natural oils" I WILL FUCKING SCREAM. THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I WANT IT TO DO, FUCKER. IT'S WHY I WASH MY GOD DAMNED HAIR EVERY DAY!
