Cats'll be the end of me.

Lenny had the shivers this morning. It was very cold, so we put him in front of the heater. He stopped shivering, but his foot was shaking when he was licking himself. I freaked out about an old cat shaking once before - Melma. So I put him in front of some food and now he's happily chowing it down.

I had made an appointment this morning for him to get a check-up at the vet, but Dad jacked up and didn't want to take him. I really wish I could take him to the vet, just to double check, to make sure he's okay. I'd feel so more secure.

Then, Rogue escaped into the roof. Which scared the CRAP out of me cause it's show time and there's cars in our yard. And Dad was like, "La la de da" like it didn't matter. I lost it at him and he told me to "Fuck off! Stupid bitch!" I hate it when he calls me that. I'm neither a bitch nor am I stupid.

The vet is open till 7. If Lenny doesn't perk up after the food I'm taking him in. He is 14, I expect him to get old and have old cat issues, but I want to be sure that's all it is and not something worse.

Sometimes, Dad warms my heart.

He gets it sometimes.

Roman Polanski was on TV on the news. I said, "Jail the bastard!"

And Dad says, "Yeah! Jail him! I didn't know the details of what happened! It was rape!"

With all the victim blaming that's been going on, I just wanted to hug my Daddy.

I am an Amazon.

I've heard the name "Glamazon" thrown around, and I think it's pointless.

What ISN'T glamourous about an Amazon? She's strong, she's brave, she's spirited and if you take the old Greek meaning of it (I don't), scantily clad. And if an Amazon is tough and strong, why can't she be glamourous too? What is so unconnected about glamour and being strong and fierce that women felt the need to add "Glam" to the beginning of it to make sure that, yeah, they're tough and strong, but PRETTY and glamourous, they're not icky and butch like a scary lesbian.

So yeah, I'm an Amazon. I work with my warrior-hearted women who fight the good fight for equality. And damn it, we're glamourous. We're romantic. We're awesome.

Isolation.

I was talking to my sister Helen about some stuff tonight, and it occurred to me that I'm losing my friends.

My real life friends that I met through Unisfa. I mean, when's the last time I went to a party? When's the last time I sat up till 2am talking fan bullshit with my geeky peeps, arguing about some irrelevant point?

My sister Tina said to me, "It's weird. Everyone asks where you are. I used to be the one riding your coat-tails and now it's all different." Tina's the one they hang out with.

I don't mind, I just miss my friends. I miss having friends so much it hurts. I can't get out as much as I used to, cause Dad won't drive me. And that's the only way I get out - being driven. My friends used to live in Nedlands, but they're all moving away.

So many have moved to Melbourne. My best girl Bianca has moved there, and will soon move to London. And Tom, my gay Tom, well he's busy. He goes through phases where he's busy with life and he has his friends that he hangs out with. I don't want to bother him with that.

I'm so horribly lonely! I just wish someone would take me out every now and again. I hate asking myself. I can't do it, I feel like a burden or a pain. But my disability has taken my friends away from me and it breaks my heart. I miss the woman I used to be! I miss swanning into a party and hugging everyone and flirting and being pretty and... FUCK. I MISS IT.

I'm going to go cry for a while, I think.

ETA: I've had a good cry, and now I have a headache. God, I am a dork.

Wow.

I can safely say that I never, ever wanted to hear Peter Davison say "Come in my cords". Or "Come on, bitch".

>_<

ETA: "Oh look, Dad! An iceblock full of shit has just crushed your car."