Isolation.

[logansrogue]

I was talking to my sister Helen about some stuff tonight, and it occurred to me that I'm losing my friends.

My real life friends that I met through Unisfa. I mean, when's the last time I went to a party? When's the last time I sat up till 2am talking fan bullshit with my geeky peeps, arguing about some irrelevant point?

My sister Tina said to me, "It's weird. Everyone asks where you are. I used to be the one riding your coat-tails and now it's all different." Tina's the one they hang out with.

I don't mind, I just miss my friends. I miss having friends so much it hurts. I can't get out as much as I used to, cause Dad won't drive me. And that's the only way I get out - being driven. My friends used to live in Nedlands, but they're all moving away.

So many have moved to Melbourne. My best girl Bianca has moved there, and will soon move to London. And Tom, my gay Tom, well he's busy. He goes through phases where he's busy with life and he has his friends that he hangs out with. I don't want to bother him with that.

I'm so horribly lonely! I just wish someone would take me out every now and again. I hate asking myself. I can't do it, I feel like a burden or a pain. But my disability has taken my friends away from me and it breaks my heart. I miss the woman I used to be! I miss swanning into a party and hugging everyone and flirting and being pretty and... FUCK. I MISS IT.

I'm going to go cry for a while, I think.

ETA: I've had a good cry, and now I have a headache. God, I am a dork.

Comments

[ser523.livejournal.com]

I'll hang out with you! *huggles*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

D'aww! *hugs* I wish I could!!

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

There are probably a bunch of things to talk about there, and sometime we should talk about them.

But one thing you should know right now -- you live close enough that it is usually no trouble at all to pick you up, and I'd quite happily do it most of the time just to see you. Quite a few of your friends do still live in Nedlands too, its not just me. Just ask.

And there are often times I could do with the company, you know.

[hotclaws.livejournal.com]

I know what you mean.Yeah,people come round at first but when you can't do anything,it falls off.I've consoled myself with my internet friends and some of you I feel very close to.Hey,it's the modern age, this is the best buddy system of the future.My psychologist says this is the healthy way to look at it.

[apolla.livejournal.com]

Come to London, my darling.

*cling*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, I plan to! I talked to Scotty about coming with me and he was eager about the idea. He has to make some money first, as do I. But we're both decided that it's something we *really* want to do! Maybe we might check out Scotland while we're there, too. I have a great Cousin Christine living in Scotland I've never met. I wonder if she'd want to meet me? Anyway, you'll meet me eventually. It's "when" now, not if! :D :D :D

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It does, it really does. It's sort of comforting to know there are people that share my pain and know how I feel, and in turn, somehow I'm closer to them as a result. There's a fellowship of pain, if you will, that's very supportive in its own way. Here's me, looking for the silver lining again. If you're ever lonely, feel free to bother me! :)