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Nothing is ever straight-forward for me.
Nov. 20th, 2008 09:46 amI don't want things to be easy, don't get me wrong. But I'd like a bit of time where I'm not struggling to get through life and fighting just to fucking exist from day to day, you know?
I want to punch Terry so hard that his nose ends up on the other side of his face. The TROUBLE he's caused me with this shit is unbelievable.
I need counselling. Bottom line. Right now, I have deep and troubling problems that, if I don't get sorted out, will end up in long-term trauma. But I'm a sick girl. Sometimes I'm too high and too sore to go to the damned appointments. I'm not paying for these appointments, by the by, these are being provided by a community outreach centre. I was told today that if I missed any more appointments, I would not get to see my psych anymore. I explained that I needed them and that I was sick, but she said, quite apologetically mind, that she had to account for her clinic hours. I could smell the stink of the fucking unfeeling Government all over it.
None of these programmes make ANY effort to help people like me, or be generous with people like me. Can't they take doctor's certificates or notes or something? It's not like I CHOOSE to be ill, you know? Sometimes I just wake up and, regardless of my plans for the day, I can't do shit.
God, it makes me feel so hopeless and depressed, and I'm trying to see how I might be making this worse than it is, but it's hard. I'm also coming down off of codeine. I've kind of decided to not take it anymore, but it's really hard cause I'm crashing big-time.
I just want this fucking Mirena out of me. It's bloating me like a football, fucking with my complexion, depressing me, and making me hurt ALL THE TIME. Worse than when I'm off the fucking thing. But the gynae says I have to give it a chance to work.
I'm just feeling very negative and sad this morning. And now, I feel harrassed. My disabilities application is coming to difficulty cause my doctor didn't fill out the fucking form properly. Fucking doctor. He didn't mention my mental problems and he said that my condition is expected to improve. When really, that's the worst thing to say on a DSP form, especially since endometriosis is incurable. Sure, I might be able to manage it somewhere down the track but this fucking problem isn't going anywhere!
Does anyone else find watching "Heroes" depressing? I really love the show but it always does my head in. I am catching up with the third season and finally saw Mohinder without his shirt on. I was sitting there going, "I'm having sexual feelings for Mohinder and I can't help it - this is all wrong!" Cause yeah - he's too pretty and effete for my tastes. But he's all sweaty-shirt-off trying to be macho and I'm like, "Hah, you can't act macho... oooh, chest... WHAT am I THINKING?!" My perving stopped when the hot, troubled artist died. Except now I'm perving at Mohinder and there's no point because he's frightfully gay.
I want to punch Terry so hard that his nose ends up on the other side of his face. The TROUBLE he's caused me with this shit is unbelievable.
I need counselling. Bottom line. Right now, I have deep and troubling problems that, if I don't get sorted out, will end up in long-term trauma. But I'm a sick girl. Sometimes I'm too high and too sore to go to the damned appointments. I'm not paying for these appointments, by the by, these are being provided by a community outreach centre. I was told today that if I missed any more appointments, I would not get to see my psych anymore. I explained that I needed them and that I was sick, but she said, quite apologetically mind, that she had to account for her clinic hours. I could smell the stink of the fucking unfeeling Government all over it.
None of these programmes make ANY effort to help people like me, or be generous with people like me. Can't they take doctor's certificates or notes or something? It's not like I CHOOSE to be ill, you know? Sometimes I just wake up and, regardless of my plans for the day, I can't do shit.
God, it makes me feel so hopeless and depressed, and I'm trying to see how I might be making this worse than it is, but it's hard. I'm also coming down off of codeine. I've kind of decided to not take it anymore, but it's really hard cause I'm crashing big-time.
I just want this fucking Mirena out of me. It's bloating me like a football, fucking with my complexion, depressing me, and making me hurt ALL THE TIME. Worse than when I'm off the fucking thing. But the gynae says I have to give it a chance to work.
I'm just feeling very negative and sad this morning. And now, I feel harrassed. My disabilities application is coming to difficulty cause my doctor didn't fill out the fucking form properly. Fucking doctor. He didn't mention my mental problems and he said that my condition is expected to improve. When really, that's the worst thing to say on a DSP form, especially since endometriosis is incurable. Sure, I might be able to manage it somewhere down the track but this fucking problem isn't going anywhere!
Does anyone else find watching "Heroes" depressing? I really love the show but it always does my head in. I am catching up with the third season and finally saw Mohinder without his shirt on. I was sitting there going, "I'm having sexual feelings for Mohinder and I can't help it - this is all wrong!" Cause yeah - he's too pretty and effete for my tastes. But he's all sweaty-shirt-off trying to be macho and I'm like, "Hah, you can't act macho... oooh, chest... WHAT am I THINKING?!" My perving stopped when the hot, troubled artist died. Except now I'm perving at Mohinder and there's no point because he's frightfully gay.
