Nothing is ever straight-forward for me.

[logansrogue]

I don't want things to be easy, don't get me wrong. But I'd like a bit of time where I'm not struggling to get through life and fighting just to fucking exist from day to day, you know?

I want to punch Terry so hard that his nose ends up on the other side of his face. The TROUBLE he's caused me with this shit is unbelievable.

I need counselling. Bottom line. Right now, I have deep and troubling problems that, if I don't get sorted out, will end up in long-term trauma. But I'm a sick girl. Sometimes I'm too high and too sore to go to the damned appointments. I'm not paying for these appointments, by the by, these are being provided by a community outreach centre. I was told today that if I missed any more appointments, I would not get to see my psych anymore. I explained that I needed them and that I was sick, but she said, quite apologetically mind, that she had to account for her clinic hours. I could smell the stink of the fucking unfeeling Government all over it.

None of these programmes make ANY effort to help people like me, or be generous with people like me. Can't they take doctor's certificates or notes or something? It's not like I CHOOSE to be ill, you know? Sometimes I just wake up and, regardless of my plans for the day, I can't do shit.

God, it makes me feel so hopeless and depressed, and I'm trying to see how I might be making this worse than it is, but it's hard. I'm also coming down off of codeine. I've kind of decided to not take it anymore, but it's really hard cause I'm crashing big-time.

I just want this fucking Mirena out of me. It's bloating me like a football, fucking with my complexion, depressing me, and making me hurt ALL THE TIME. Worse than when I'm off the fucking thing. But the gynae says I have to give it a chance to work.

I'm just feeling very negative and sad this morning. And now, I feel harrassed. My disabilities application is coming to difficulty cause my doctor didn't fill out the fucking form properly. Fucking doctor. He didn't mention my mental problems and he said that my condition is expected to improve. When really, that's the worst thing to say on a DSP form, especially since endometriosis is incurable. Sure, I might be able to manage it somewhere down the track but this fucking problem isn't going anywhere!

Does anyone else find watching "Heroes" depressing? I really love the show but it always does my head in. I am catching up with the third season and finally saw Mohinder without his shirt on. I was sitting there going, "I'm having sexual feelings for Mohinder and I can't help it - this is all wrong!" Cause yeah - he's too pretty and effete for my tastes. But he's all sweaty-shirt-off trying to be macho and I'm like, "Hah, you can't act macho... oooh, chest... WHAT am I THINKING?!" My perving stopped when the hot, troubled artist died. Except now I'm perving at Mohinder and there's no point because he's frightfully gay.

Comments

[asweetdownfall.livejournal.com]

Aw, Nance. I don't know what to say except..I'm really sorry. -hugs-

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry about how Mirena is affecting you, Nancy. I'm actually very surprised that it was prescribed for you. Here in the States, it's supposed for women who are already married and have at least one child. Maybe the prescription guidelines are different in Australia, but it seems this thing has caused you nothing but trouble :(

[nephron.livejournal.com]

That's a fairly limited set of guidelines for prescription, based on the idea that IUDs predispose you to PID (which is only really the case in women who are at a high risk for contracting STIs), that nulliparous women will be more regretful if PID renders them infertile, and that nulliparous women are more likely to expel them (which is still true, but unlikely).

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Heh, I did not understand a word of that. But now I'm curious. o.0

(I realise it wasn't aimed at me, but still)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I have no idea what you just said. *brain numb*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Wow, really? If it ends up fucking with my fertility, I will be VERY MAD INDEED.

[amichandrn.livejournal.com]

::giant tackleglomp:: Sweetie, I wish I could do something to help you. But right now all I can do is say:

1) YOu're an awesome, amazingly talented person

2) You're right. He is a shit.

3) I wish you tons of luck with the disability application

4) I totally perv on Mohinder, too. I think it's the accent....

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*bug hugs*

1) Gaw, thank you. :)

2) He's beyond being a shit, he's a deluded monster.

3) Thank you. If it doesn't go through this time I'll still have reduced required hours for work, which'll be good.

4) I love hearing that Indian/English accent, it gets me totally hot. I think I prefer that guy that was in LOST though, and that Bollywood version of Pride and Prejudice. He's way hot too.

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

Strangely enough, I find Mohinder more attractive WITH a shirt >.> Also, not being a GIGANTIC FUCKING IDIOT. First season Mohinder? Hell yes, sexually ambiguous geeky scientist with fluffy hair and a sexy accent! Season three Mohinder? DO NOT WANT D:

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

Well, the slime and scabbiness and psychotic tendencies are not so sexy :)

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

XD Yeah. I wonder why that could possibly be?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Hey, hey, hey! Don't spoil me! :(

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

Oops! I'm sorry >_< I assumed you were watching it on TV, which was probably silly of me. My bad :(

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, see, Mohinder is hot, yes, but he's never ever done anything for me in a big way. His prettiness and his flaming gayness has always put me off. And he continues to do nothing for me. But he has a really nice chest and when he's bouncing around sweaty and shirtless, I can't help but react on an animal level.

I really fucking love dark guys. *humps Ares' leg*

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

Yeah, see, the prettiness and flaming gayness might have something to do with that... XD

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

Flaming gayness? Really? I find it hard to reconcile "is obviously attracted to female characters" with "flamingly gay". Ambiguous, bisexual, all possible. But he is not gay, he has demonstrated an attraction to women.

Effeminate =/= homosexual!

[ryttu3k.livejournal.com]

Hey, logansrogue said that, not me!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh yes, his character apparently likes women but I just don't buy it. The actor doesn't sell that side of Mohinder's personality to me at all. It makes me feel all squirmy somehow. I don't know, he just makes my gaydar go 'whoop! whoop! whoop!'

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

Oh honey. This situation sounds really horrible, and I wish I could do something to help. What kind of doctor says endometriosis is expected to improve? Hopefully, with the right treatment, it will become more manageable, but it's not like the flu or something.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

A very optimistic positive one which, in the past, I've found very helpful and comforting in aggresively searching for a good way to manage this problem, but which is totally unhelpful when seeking support from the government, who want nothing but dire prognoses.

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's the unfortunate catch 22, I guess. Optimism is awesome for you! But optimism for the future doesn't reflect your current lived reality, necessarily, and government support groups seem so quick to say "your doctor thinks you might improve in a few years? Clearly there is nothing wrong with you! Stop whinging!" *facepalm*

[rodcub.livejournal.com]

We are thinking about you... my Douggie!

BTW, don't get hot for Mohinder, he turns into a spidery evil thing right?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

NO SPOILING FUCKING GOD DAMN IT.

[xedra.livejournal.com]

((((HUGHUGHUGHUGHUGHUG))))

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Ah damn. Doesn't sound too good. Goverment are mena. I understand where the psych is coming from. If Dad drives you there, and you sit down in the office, is it still too bad. I mean, obviously it is 'cause you said so. Would the psych care if you were in pain and high though?

My point is, you could be in pain and high at home, or in pain and high in a comfy chair in front of a psych getting needed treatment.

Hey, you can tell me to shuddup though. People really need to quit giving you heroes spoilers dang it.

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Wow that post was shit. I'm having a hard time writing coherent sentences. I have blocked sinuses and am all woozy.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

That's okay, hon. You okay? Did you go to work?

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Nope, I feel like shit!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Are you visiting tonight? It's been weeks, we miss you!

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Yes, we'll be there soon!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yaaaaay!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

They only spoiled what happened with Mohinder, which, if I'd had my Comic Nerd hat on, I could have seen coming a mile away. It's really fun to "Spot the X-Men Trope!" with this show. It should really be a drinking game. "When a new character comes along that is a lot like an X-Men or Marvel character, take a swig". Ahh, I love this show.