One of those "Why am I awake?!" posts.

It's 1:32am and I can't sleep. Mainly because of the fact that for two or three days in a row, I've been eating gluteny foods. I had cheeseburgers for dinner, the odd cookie and a kebab. Now I'm in agony! Yay!

My knee is still hurting as well. I don't know WHAT I did to the fucking thing, but it's very sore if I accidentally lean on it in a certain way, or bump it slightly. I mean, I know how I hurt it - falling up steps, high impact of knee on concrete in perfect position for pain. What that impact actually DID to make it hurt for this long is a mystery to me. Mum reckons I probably bruised the bone or something. The knee itself looks like there is absolutely nothing wrong with it. No lumps, bumps or anything. Just a tiny little scab from a little scratch.

Evamaria (shirasade) left today. It was totally cool having her (waves to Eva) and I just hope she doesn't suffer too badly from the flu she managed to catch while visiting here. Plague house! Don't visit! *laughs* No, seriously, this flu is MEAN.

I might watch some MST3K at some point. My friend Doug sent me new tapes a while back and I never got to watch them.

Meme time.

1. What are your nicknames?
Nacey, Napalm Nacey, Nace, Nanx, Nancy-pants (I'm not too crazy about that one but I never mind when people nickname me because it's usually a sign of affection, and getting angry about that is like getting angry if someone buys you flowers and they're not your favourite colour, you know?)

2. Who do you RL ship the hardest (friends on or offline, relatives, celebrities, JUST PEOPLE WHO ARE REAL)? Well, my Mum and Dad always give me warm fuzzies, like the other day they were cuddling on a bench at the beach. Was SO CUTE. Obviously I'm also shipping my boyfriend Paul and I.

3. What fandom(s) are you most into at the moment?
Doctor Who, Xena WP, The Mummy (NO MENTION NOT THE NEW MOVIE).

4. How do you smell?
(With my NOSE! Bwahaha- ugh). Clean soapy shirt and Dove body spray.

5. What videogames do you wish you owned at the moment?
SPORE. SPORE SPORE SPORE SPORE SPORE!!! And Zoo Tycoon for the DS.

6. If you had to kill someone what would be your background music?
I wouldn't kill someone.

7. Do you trust easily?
Unfortunately, yes.

8. If the person you secretly like is already taken, what would you do?
Wish all the best for them and be happy that they've found someone.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Oh, I dunno, LIFE? Endo woes, hormone crap, trauma issues.

10. Do you have a good body-image?
Surprisingly, yes. You'd think, with all my problems, I'd hate my body. But my body is fucking bangin'. Except my feet, but there's nothing I can do about them.

11. Is being tagged fun?
Usually.

12. What do you want to be when you grow up (current age is of no consequence)?
A comic artist of some repute, a fine artist, a singer/songwriter with a small but fervent following, a mother.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
Chocolate-coated creamy ice-creams. Chocolate. Food. Humour blogs. Cat cuddling.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
I've enjoyed all our conversations on Sandy's LJ. :)

15. What’s the last song that got stuck in your head?
There was a song that was stuck in my head, but thankfully it's become unstuck. Do you really want me to undo all that fine work?

16. What’s your favorite item of clothing?
Clothes are like colours. You can have a favourite one, but they're best when used in conjunction with one another. That said, my long hippy skirts, my dark purple mid-sleeve top with a sweeping neckline, my short shorts.

17. Do you think Rice Crispies are yummy?
Sure. Haven't eaten them in years though, probably can't because of gluten issues.

18. What would you do if you see $100 lying on the ground?
I'd pick it up and wander around, waiting to see if anyone comes running past, franticly looking for their lost dosh. I might even go to the police with it. Unless the police are too far for me to walk.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
Nintendo DS. My computer. My heat-pack. Bed socks.

20. What would you rather be doing right now?
Painting. Or travelling with the Doctor.

Taking back my power.

I got a call this morning from the Sexual Assault Resource Centre from the doctor there. She called to ask me two things:

- Am I all right? (I'm not, but since I'm not slitting my wrists and it's past two weeks of the assault, it's no longer SARC's problem)
- Did I want to keep the evidence or did I want it destroyed? AM I going to the Police with this?

No. No I'm not. And I had to tell her that she could destroy the evidence. Something in me grieved at that point. I felt like I was losing a chance at justice. I felt like I would never be able to state to the world WHO hurt me so terribly, who violated me, who tried to take from me something vital and pure (that he couldn't touch no matter what he forced upon me).

And then I realised that I don't HAVE to be silent. Of course, I'm not going to be viciously spreading around to whoever will listen the sordid story of my sexual assault. I'm not malicious. Plus, I feel everyone has a right to a fair trial before people say "He did this" or "He did that".

But life isn't fair. And I haven't had a day in court to state my piece. I'll never get to say before a room of people what happened to me. And I mourn that lost opportunity.

I don't want to stop the man that hurt me from having a paying job. He has a kid to support - I don't want to interfere with that. I also don't want to smear his real legal name on the internet forever. Coming out with his full name WILL do that.

BUT... I am not afraid to speak his fandom name. That means when he goes out amongst the Sci-fi set here in Perth, those that know of me, know of my journal - THEY will know. And that's exactly who I want to know about it. I want every woman to know that they should NEVER EVER trust this man to be alone in a room with her. I want it so that NO OTHER WOMAN SUFFERS AS I HAVE. I want to go to sleep at night knowing that I've done what is reasonable and possible to make sure that other women are safe.

If you think what I've done is cruel, or you doubt my word - I don't want to know. If you have a problem with what I'm about to do in this post, keep it to yourself. Because if you air it with me, I will never speak to you again. I've flipped and flopped and agonized over this decision for FOUR MONTHS now. I worry about other people so much and this time, this time I need to worry about ME. This is MY life, MY happiness, and I'm not going to be apologetic or silent about something that was NEVER MY FAULT. I was a victim, and now I'm a survivor. I'm stronger than I ever knew I could be, even though at the same time, I wish I never had to discover it this way. I'm on a continual path of rebuilding my life - this post is a huge step towards that.

I am stating, in a public post, that terrycat sexually assaulted me. He asked to give me a therapeutic massage for my endo problems. He went too far, despite my clear communication that I wasn't interested in anything sexual. He would not take no for an answer. He tried to coerce me with sensual touching into a sexual act. Despite the fact that I've not been with another person sexually for some years and ached for companionship and to be touched, I knew this was wrong. I told him no and I backed away, but it was too late. He'd already tried to enter me with his fingers and was partially successful.

I swear to God above, the God I believe in and live by, that I am telling the truth as I know it. Terry may tell you otherwise. You may believe otherwise. All I can do is put the warning out to other women, and state my case for my own sanity and peace of mind.

I've said my piece. I'll never be quite the woman I was before this happened - but I can get pretty damned close. And perhaps in some ways, be more. Today I'm taking back my power (even though, in a way, I never lost it at all).

Upcoming nail polish reviews...

Hey girls (and some guys, I suppose)!

Well, I'm going to do a new review in a couple of days - I just have to take some photos. I'm thinking of making it a Youtube video thing. Maybe a community? Just reviews of pharmacy-level nail polishes for those of us that like buying and doing our own nails, but aren't SUPER PSYCHO IN LOVE with manicuring and stuff to the point where we'd seek out professional level nail care items that cost the earth. It'd be a guide for the nail polish most women would come across in thier travels and which are good and which are SHIT.

Some great discoveries I've made lately:

- The Nailfinity range by Max Factor. OMG YES.
- Nail polishes by Rimmel. Surprisingly good. They can't make eyeliner for shit, but their nail polish is quite serviceable.
- More glimmery, glittery colours by Revlon!
- Some little tricks to improving nail quality that are cheap and easy.


Okay. Photos and shit to come. And and and - I have to recount my collection number. For a shockingly broke girl like me, I'm very proud to be pushing 60 bottles of nail polish. :D