*whimpers and pulls out hair and sobs*

Crap! So much crap! Oodles and oodles and oodles of crap! Wading in a sea of fecal matter - that is how I describe checking out fanfiction.net right now. I'm thinking of writing a PPC (with the permission of the wonderful and amazingly funny girls in charge) and I thought I'd do something a little different, but on the same track some, and so I was looking out for a Mary-Sue amongst a genre of LotR fic that I find the most infuriating, which is, Frodo and Mary-Sue/Marty-Sue/Sam or some other poor straight hobbit out there, and oh my Gosh.

Just - just tear my eyeballs out. Put them on a grill and toast them or something, okay? *whimpers wildly* I'm sick of this 'fairy' crap.

Since when were there fairies in LotR? Why would Frodo even THINK about girls or women when he's walking into his own doom? I don't understand people, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

*breaths deeply, tries very hard to calm down*

Sure. He's in the depths of hell in Carahdras, and he TOTALLY gets off snuggling to Sam naked for warmth. And Arwen's just going to turn around to some stranger they have staying at Rivendell who's dressed like Sauron's she-beast (a goth) and say, "uhm yeah the bath is over there."

o_O

You know, I was sitting there reading my LotR story, worrying that it was somehow in the same league as this crap. Cause, it's Frodo falling in love with someone. Trust me, I was very secretive and very tetchy about the story, and I still probably won't share it with anyone, but I can at least say about it, these things:

* Frodo still acts like FRODO, damn it.
* It takes him years and years to fall in love with the girl, not the first two SENTENCES after seeing her.
* She's flawed. In many ways.
* She's not stunningly beautiful. She's a hobbit, for gawds sakes, and like most hobbits her age she has dark hair, furry big feet, dark skin and dark eyes, cause she's a Hobbiton hobbit, not the Tookish type at all. She's buxom, with a round little tummy and large bottom, cause she eats fatty foods, she has crooked teeth, and she hates the way she looks naked.
* She can't garden to save her life. She's been so busy doing housework all her life that she never got the chance to learn from her farmer father, but she likes doing it anyway.
* She does sing, but she doesn't have a particularly good voice. It's on key, but it's a creaky and plain but her talent is in writing clever little lyrics for hobbit drinking songs. She sees no real value in this, but she writes them in a book that she keeps next to her bed.
* She's decently unrelated to Frodo. Sure, her family is related to his through marriage, and avoiding inbreeding is really HARD in the land of the Shire, but I made an effort on that count damn it! I just didn't grab some fucking name I heard from the movie and throw it in there.
* When I created her, I thought what Frodo might enjoy out of a significant other and not what pervy thing I wanted to do to Frodo.
* She's not a FAIRY, she's not elf, or half elf, or part hobbit/part human, or whatever ridiculous creatures these girls make up because of their hormone-hampered braincells' inability to work properly. She's a regular hobbit. She farts, she burps, she looks bad in the morning and she can't eat too many cakes or she'll put on a few pounds. Not that she cares about that, cause she loves eating and feels perfectly happy being a couple of pounds heavier than she was three weeks ago. Cause Hobbits don't know from weight issues.
* She wasn't 'arranged' to marry anyone. Her parents aren't bastards. Her father isn't a bastard.
* She's not adopted. She's not of an unfortunate upbringing. She has a healthy, large and loving family, with both of the parents.

I'm being harsh. And I'm being the big black dirty pot here, I know it. But Christ all mighty, I felt like a good bitch after the torture I just put myself through, and ugh... mega, huge, big fat chubby UGH!!

And if I see ONE MORE STORY that disses our man Boromir, I'm going to steal Jay and Acacia's crossbow and go on a killing spree somewhere inappropriate. I mean it.

Boromir is NICE damn it.

I'm writing this post simultaneously, on here and on http://go.to/godawful but I don't mention my Periwinkle spazz over there.

I don't know how people would react. Aren't I being really hypocritical? I don't know. All I know is that I genuinely like Periwinkle. She'd be interesting to know without Frodo around, I think.

Ah well. Best be on with the day's work I suppose :)

Nancy.

*whimpers and pulls out hair and sobs*

Crap! So much crap! Oodles and oodles and oodles of crap! Wading in a sea of fecal matter - that is how I describe checking out fanfiction.net right now. I'm thinking of writing a PPC (with the permission of the wonderful and amazingly funny girls in charge) and I thought I'd do something a little different, but on the same track some, and so I was looking out for a Mary-Sue amongst a genre of LotR fic that I find the most infuriating, which is, Frodo and Mary-Sue/Marty-Sue/Sam or some other poor straight hobbit out there, and oh my Gosh.

Just - just tear my eyeballs out. Put them on a grill and toast them or something, okay? *whimpers wildly* I'm sick of this 'fairy' crap.

Since when were there fairies in LotR? Why would Frodo even THINK about girls or women when he's walking into his own doom? I don't understand people, I DON'T UNDERSTAND!

*breaths deeply, tries very hard to calm down*

Sure. He's in the depths of hell in Carahdras, and he TOTALLY gets off snuggling to Sam naked for warmth. And Arwen's just going to turn around to some stranger they have staying at Rivendell who's dressed like Sauron's she-beast (a goth) and say, "uhm yeah the bath is over there."

o_O

You know, I was sitting there reading my LotR story, worrying that it was somehow in the same league as this crap. Cause, it's Frodo falling in love with someone. Trust me, I was very secretive and very tetchy about the story, and I still probably won't share it with anyone, but I can at least say about it, these things:

* Frodo still acts like FRODO, damn it.
* It takes him years and years to fall in love with the girl, not the first two SENTENCES after seeing her.
* She's flawed. In many ways.
* She's not stunningly beautiful. She's a hobbit, for gawds sakes, and like most hobbits her age she has dark hair, furry big feet, dark skin and dark eyes, cause she's a Hobbiton hobbit, not the Tookish type at all. She's buxom, with a round little tummy and large bottom, cause she eats fatty foods, she has crooked teeth, and she hates the way she looks naked.
* She can't garden to save her life. She's been so busy doing housework all her life that she never got the chance to learn from her farmer father, but she likes doing it anyway.
* She does sing, but she doesn't have a particularly good voice. It's on key, but it's a creaky and plain but her talent is in writing clever little lyrics for hobbit drinking songs. She sees no real value in this, but she writes them in a book that she keeps next to her bed.
* She's decently unrelated to Frodo. Sure, her family is related to his through marriage, and avoiding inbreeding is really HARD in the land of the Shire, but I made an effort on that count damn it! I just didn't grab some fucking name I heard from the movie and throw it in there.
* When I created her, I thought what Frodo might enjoy out of a significant other and not what pervy thing I wanted to do to Frodo.
* She's not a FAIRY, she's not elf, or half elf, or part hobbit/part human, or whatever ridiculous creatures these girls make up because of their hormone-hampered braincells' inability to work properly. She's a regular hobbit. She farts, she burps, she looks bad in the morning and she can't eat too many cakes or she'll put on a few pounds. Not that she cares about that, cause she loves eating and feels perfectly happy being a couple of pounds heavier than she was three weeks ago. Cause Hobbits don't know from weight issues.
* She wasn't 'arranged' to marry anyone. Her parents aren't bastards. Her father isn't a bastard.
* She's not adopted. She's not of an unfortunate upbringing. She has a healthy, large and loving family, with both of the parents.

I'm being harsh. And I'm being the big black dirty pot here, I know it. But Christ all mighty, I felt like a good bitch after the torture I just put myself through, and ugh... mega, huge, big fat chubby UGH!!

And if I see ONE MORE STORY that disses our man Boromir, I'm going to steal Jay and Acacia's crossbow and go on a killing spree somewhere inappropriate. I mean it.

Boromir is NICE damn it.

I'm writing this post simultaneously, on here and on http://go.to/godawful but I don't mention my Periwinkle spazz over there.

I don't know how people would react. Aren't I being really hypocritical? I don't know. All I know is that I genuinely like Periwinkle. She'd be interesting to know without Frodo around, I think.

Ah well. Best be on with the day's work I suppose :)

Nancy.