*stress*

[logansrogue]

In the past few days things have rushed up at me. There are things that bother me that there are no easy answers to, things that bother me that make my head hurt.

I'm 25 this year. 25. I'm going to be thirty so very soon. What have I got to show for myself? What? Not enough. My friends have long-time partners, university degrees, good jobs, their own places, their own lives. I still live with my parents. I still share a room with my sister. I'm still painfully single and very inexperienced.

My so-called manager has turned out to be a lying cheating fraud, and I'm back to square one. Music is my life and while I've got some great recordings, I don't know WHAT to do with them.

And I'm so very poor. Everything I use, everything I have - the internet, computers. It's Mum's, not mine. The only thing here that IS mine is the drawing pad and the headphones. Oh, and the huge pile of action figures sitting on top of the fucking monitor.

I'm so tired of never having enough money. I'm so tired of never having the right clothes to wear. I'm so fucking tired of not being able to DO things with people because I haven't two gold coins to rub together. The idea of having a spare hundred bucks to waste on a weekend is SO very foreign to me. To me, fifty bucks is a LOT OF MONEY.

I can't find a job. I keep applying, and I keep not hearing back from people. I'd do a course, but I'm not eligible for help from the government. I'm living off the bones of my fucking ARSE and I'm not eligible for financial help. They're idiots. Don't they know that I will NOT GET WORK without a good computer course? I need administration skills and databasing and coding. I'm just - I'm always behind the fucking eight-ball.

I'm tired of my opportunities collapsing under me, yet I'm too stubborn to give up and cry. There's just no time for that anymore.

Tomorrow will come and go and before I know it, I might be too old to get married, too old to be a singer/songwriter girl, too old to be anything but a woman living at home with her mother, a snarky old prune like Marge's sisters from the Simpsons.

Comments

Being single

[splanky.livejournal.com]

Hi Nancy, don't know if you remember me - we met at JP's birthday party. You admired my corset.

Have you considered internet singles sites? A lot of people I know use them. That is how my sister met her husband. Hasn't worked for me yet, but I'm hoping. I did meet a guy who is now one of my best friends through internet dating.

www.rsvp.com.au is quite popular. A 24-year-old with your looks and writing skills should generate a lot of interest from guys.

Kylie

Re: Being single

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Hi there Kylie! Hmm, I'm very reluctant to use those things. My attitude towards guys (or girls) is sort of - you can't look for love. Love will come along when you're ready. I figure it will happen when it's supposed to. And really? I despise dating!! I really hate dates! I like getting to know someone at parties and being friends with them first, and then dating them. (That's what I did with Furrie). Maybe that's a safety net for me, I don't know. The other thing is that I'm really very happy single, I just wonder if people think - I don't know - that' I'm immature or something. I mean, I worry that I won't find someone, who doesn't when they're single? But if I can't find someone that makes me happy, then I don't mind. Cause really - very few people understand me. Most guys just don't get me at all and it's very very frustrating. I guess I just need to move to a bigger city. :T Anyway.

Thanks for leaving a comment, thanks for caring, it's so very sweet of you. See you around! *hugs*

Re: Being single

[splanky.livejournal.com]

It's whatever works for you. Internet dating worked for my sister and I hope it will for me. I'm in a bit of a different position from you - I'm nearly 33, divorced and I want to have a family. I have met most of my exes at parties and got to know them that way. But I figure what the hell, got nothing to use and maybe love can use a helping hand sometimes.

It's good that you are happy being single!