Old cats die hard.

[logansrogue]

Took Lenny to the vet today for a check-up, he was looking a bit skinny in the back-end and I felt something wasn't quite right.

I was right. At first the vet thought it was kidneys or thyroid. Blood tests came back (that wait was fucking horrible) and it's neither - it's his liver. Worst-case scenario - it's an aggressive tumour, and he only has a few weeks. Best-case scenario, it's an old, inflamed liver, and he has about a year left.

Either way, I am pretty messed up, because I've had him since I was sixteen. He was there when every man I'd ever loved let me down. He is my little man, my little tiny tiger, who gives me warm hugs.

I know he's old, he's sixteen. I realised he might not have as long as Melma had (20 years). I really thought he had longer than that, though.

So, I'm at home and I don't know what to do. My brothers are here, and my Dad, all of them have absolutely no idea what to do in an emotional situation. I need comfort, and I don't know where to turn. Everyone's busy. Even my Facebook is silent. I want to burst into tears, but I don't know what's even happening.

Then there's the money. The blood tests and vet visit cost me 412 dollars, and now the ultrasound tomorrow to determine whether or not it's a tumour is going to cost 360 at most (260 at least). I don't even know what to do. I might *just* have enough in the bank, I'm not sure.

What am I going to do without my little fella? I feel like my whole world is falling apart, which is stupid, because I KNOW he's a cat, I know it's a small part of my life. But it's such a huge part of my heart.

I want to distract myself, give myself a chance to bring down my anxiety levels (which are through the roof right now) but I don't know how. I don't even know where to start. I just keep looking out the window at Lenny sleeping happily in the sun and wanting to burst into tears (but for some stupid reason, not being able to because of PTSD and shit).

I'm so sad inside. I'm so heartbroken.

Comments

[windtear.livejournal.com]

{{{{hugs}}}} I am so sorry to hear this.

[kaberett.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[veronica-rich.livejournal.com]

Sylvester is almost 16 and he's got serious health issues too - has for years, and I've been through most of the crises too. I can't offer any help or advice but I will think well for both of you. Be glad he's enjoying the sun and warming weather now. :-)

[hotclaws.livejournal.com]

It's so sad when our fur babies get old,just not fair.

[grlmonday.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this :( I know what it's like to lose a beloved pet *hugs*

[bronzed.livejournal.com]

I am so so sorry to hear this.
I just had to give my cat away because I am moving back to Canada, and even though I know he will be fine and has a great home with my father-in-law its still breaking my heart. But then I read your post and I realized I cant really complain at all.
I wish there was something I could do or say to make this less painful for you, but I know there isnt.
If you need to talk I'm here. Just try to focus on making the time you have left with him the best that it can be, so that you have good memories to focus on instead of just the pain. Sometimes spending time making my husband or my pet happy helps me to not think about negative things, maybe it will work for you too?
*sending infinite ehugs*

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

*tight hugs*

[melalucci.livejournal.com]

What am I going to do without my little fella? I feel like my whole world is falling apart, which is stupid, because I KNOW he's a cat, I know it's a small part of my life. But it's such a huge part of my heart.

It's NOT stupid. I feel the same way about my babies. ::huge hugs:: I'm so sorry you and Lenny are having to deal with this.

My advice is to cuddle and play with him (and Rogue) as much as you can, and get some extra sleep.

[sugarjet03.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[ladybluestar.livejournal.com]

*HUGS*

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear this, and if you feel the need to talk at all, about this, or about 'anything but this', you can email/IM/etc me anytime.

[nicoli-dominn.livejournal.com]

::HUGS:: There really isn't a right thing to say about a thing like that...except just to treasure the time you have left with him. Which I'm sure you're already doing. It's hard to lose a best friend.