The Long Goodbye

[logansrogue]

I went to check on Melma this morning. She's looking rather beautiful for the horrible condition she's in. I poked her. I pushed her back and forth. After a minute she lifted her head and purred at me. She loves me, but she's so very tired. I can see it. She's listing to the side as she sits in the grass.

Her interest in food has waned. She still eats a bit but not as much as she used to. My brother is out buying her her favourite naughty human food - doughnuts.

She would tackle a person for a doughnut in her healthier days. We'll feed her doughnuts, brush her fur, and take her in.

Dad's gonna build her a coffin. I'll carve her name in it, and I'll make her a tombstone out of something. Brick, rock, something, until I can make her a pretty one.

When I woke up this morning, I didn't know if I was doing the right thing. I thought I would be taking her life against her will. But seeing her out in the garden, I can see she's just waiting to go. It's hard, but I can see that finally, Melma is ready for the end. After all her amazing battles, her gutsy spirit, her love of life, she has reached a point where it would be a cruelty to inflict life upon her further.

I would like to think God is waiting for her. Death feels so much crueller to me without the gentle arms of the light there to catch someone on the other side. I hope I see her out of the corner of my eye when I'm in the garden... just like I sometimes think I see Xena (my cat, not the warrior princess).

Oh, the way in and out of this world is so messy, so rough. There can also be a beauty in it. I hope I can make this beautiful for Melma. And dignified.

Comments

[nephron.livejournal.com]

It is so hard to say goodbye, but I remember when I had to make the decision that it was time for Kasumi to go- he was in much the same state that Melma is now. It's hard to let them go, but I think they do tell you when they're ready.

My love goes out to you and Melma.

[bunny-m.livejournal.com]

I remember when my cat, Chuckles, was in this state. I am eternally grateful I got to say a last goodbye to him, but it would have been utter cruelty to leave him the way he was. He was in an even worse state than Melma, although he was only 15.

Praise Bast that we got to share their lives and were given their love for as long as we did.

*cries*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I painted an ankh on Melma's coffin and I told Bast to take care of her.