Important Stuff: Predator Theory.
Apr. 27th, 2010 07:14 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueTW: Discusses rape and rapist behaviour.
This should be something everyone reads. Everyone. Except survivors, of course, cause they already know this intimately.
Then, you should read this.
It bears repeating, and it can never be said enough. 1 in 4 women you know have been raped. One in FOUR. Count four women you know. One of them is likely to have been either raped or sexually assaulted. You hear that and you nod and you're like, "Yes, that's very bad" but what some might not realise is that for a vast majority of these women, the person that hurt them KNEW them. They knew their attackers. Chances are, odds on, you know them too.
Have you ever laughed at a rape joke? Have you ever criticised the behaviour of a victim? Have you ever said "Well, she shouldn't have..." You could have made a Rapist feel safe to do what they do.
This all links in to Rape Culture. I've bumped into a few people that don't like that term, or don't like the concept. They link it in with radical feminism, I think. This is not radical. Really, it's kind of simple. We live in a culture that sends out the message that it's Okay to Rape. Sure, there are laws against it and shit, but it's that horrible STRANGER rape that people think is Real Rape. You know. Silly lady walking alone at night, in high heel shoes she can't run in. She takes a short-cut through a dark alley and BAM. Guy grabs her and rapes her.
Of all the women I've ever talked to about rape, only ONE of them had a stranger rape like that. ONE.
The rest have been hurt by people they know, people they have reason to trust. That's how it happened to me. The man that hurt me was able to hurt me because Rape Culture made it really fucking easy for him. There was a culture of silence. Women, in the past, were hurt by this person, and they were too fucking afraid to say anything. I don't blame them, I didn't want to talk myself. But I did talk, cause I'm was going insane from the PTSD and making a noise is merely how I cope.
Now, things are far more difficult for assaulters/rapists in that particular social circle, because a) potential victims are aware and b) people in the circle don't want or abide unsafe spaces. A dialogue was opened and while particular people were brought on to be security staff with this specialty in mind, a much more important thing happened, something that made me feel hope again for the first time in years.
People said, "This is not okay, it will never be okay and I will not accept it. If I see it, I will not accept it and I will tell you that it's not okay."
This is what the wider community NEEDS to do. Not pick on any one person in particular, but say that "This set of behaviours is not okay. We will not tolerate them." Unfortunately wider community isn't *quite* the same as geek communities, cause the latter tends to be more progressive in nature. But it's something that works. And now Science is saying, "Shit... this is true. Rapists rape because they can get away with it."
It sounds insidious, and it is. It's very uncomfortable to read about. But it's all true, I've witnessed it first-hand. This is why they are called "Predators" and not "Alley-jumpers". Because like a predator, they will reserve their energy and only strike when opportunity is high, and risk of being seen is low.
Please note: I do not want to discuss the details of my assault. This is a post about the idea of Predator Theory, and I consider the details of what happened to me off topic. I prefer the references to be nebulous. Also, I've had some people ask why I keep talking about this. Believe me, it's not fun, and most of the time I really prefer to forget it ever happened. But sometimes I come across articles like this that need to be disseminated. It's at those points where my voice as a survivor has some weight, so I use my voice. If that bothers you, I can't help you.
ETA: More IMPORTANT READING! :)
-- At What Point Is A Rapist No Longer Responsible For the Harm Caused By Rape? This article is important, because a lot of people expect a period of about six months to a year, and after that, if you're still making noise, you're making yourself a victim. If I specified, to you, the complete damage as a result of what happened to me, all the opportunity lost, the years of dating opportunities gone, the thousands of dollars I've lost on therapy and work I never did because I was curled up in a ball under my doona terrified of living, the sheer fucking injustice of all I've been through and the fact that I have no recourse whatsoever - you'd cry. Or not believe me. Either way, it's true. I just live with it because I have to.
-- David Lisak says pretty much what I said above in the Washington City Paper. Probably in a far less incendiary manner.
This should be something everyone reads. Everyone. Except survivors, of course, cause they already know this intimately.
Then, you should read this.
It bears repeating, and it can never be said enough. 1 in 4 women you know have been raped. One in FOUR. Count four women you know. One of them is likely to have been either raped or sexually assaulted. You hear that and you nod and you're like, "Yes, that's very bad" but what some might not realise is that for a vast majority of these women, the person that hurt them KNEW them. They knew their attackers. Chances are, odds on, you know them too.
Have you ever laughed at a rape joke? Have you ever criticised the behaviour of a victim? Have you ever said "Well, she shouldn't have..." You could have made a Rapist feel safe to do what they do.
This all links in to Rape Culture. I've bumped into a few people that don't like that term, or don't like the concept. They link it in with radical feminism, I think. This is not radical. Really, it's kind of simple. We live in a culture that sends out the message that it's Okay to Rape. Sure, there are laws against it and shit, but it's that horrible STRANGER rape that people think is Real Rape. You know. Silly lady walking alone at night, in high heel shoes she can't run in. She takes a short-cut through a dark alley and BAM. Guy grabs her and rapes her.
Of all the women I've ever talked to about rape, only ONE of them had a stranger rape like that. ONE.
The rest have been hurt by people they know, people they have reason to trust. That's how it happened to me. The man that hurt me was able to hurt me because Rape Culture made it really fucking easy for him. There was a culture of silence. Women, in the past, were hurt by this person, and they were too fucking afraid to say anything. I don't blame them, I didn't want to talk myself. But I did talk, cause I'm was going insane from the PTSD and making a noise is merely how I cope.
Now, things are far more difficult for assaulters/rapists in that particular social circle, because a) potential victims are aware and b) people in the circle don't want or abide unsafe spaces. A dialogue was opened and while particular people were brought on to be security staff with this specialty in mind, a much more important thing happened, something that made me feel hope again for the first time in years.
People said, "This is not okay, it will never be okay and I will not accept it. If I see it, I will not accept it and I will tell you that it's not okay."
This is what the wider community NEEDS to do. Not pick on any one person in particular, but say that "This set of behaviours is not okay. We will not tolerate them." Unfortunately wider community isn't *quite* the same as geek communities, cause the latter tends to be more progressive in nature. But it's something that works. And now Science is saying, "Shit... this is true. Rapists rape because they can get away with it."
It sounds insidious, and it is. It's very uncomfortable to read about. But it's all true, I've witnessed it first-hand. This is why they are called "Predators" and not "Alley-jumpers". Because like a predator, they will reserve their energy and only strike when opportunity is high, and risk of being seen is low.
Please note: I do not want to discuss the details of my assault. This is a post about the idea of Predator Theory, and I consider the details of what happened to me off topic. I prefer the references to be nebulous. Also, I've had some people ask why I keep talking about this. Believe me, it's not fun, and most of the time I really prefer to forget it ever happened. But sometimes I come across articles like this that need to be disseminated. It's at those points where my voice as a survivor has some weight, so I use my voice. If that bothers you, I can't help you.
ETA: More IMPORTANT READING! :)
-- At What Point Is A Rapist No Longer Responsible For the Harm Caused By Rape? This article is important, because a lot of people expect a period of about six months to a year, and after that, if you're still making noise, you're making yourself a victim. If I specified, to you, the complete damage as a result of what happened to me, all the opportunity lost, the years of dating opportunities gone, the thousands of dollars I've lost on therapy and work I never did because I was curled up in a ball under my doona terrified of living, the sheer fucking injustice of all I've been through and the fact that I have no recourse whatsoever - you'd cry. Or not believe me. Either way, it's true. I just live with it because I have to.
-- David Lisak says pretty much what I said above in the Washington City Paper. Probably in a far less incendiary manner.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 02:28 am (UTC)Can we separate a rapist's rape actions from his contributions to society?
For example, assuming he did, can we denounce Michael Jackson's assaulting of young children, but at the same time, appreciate the music he created? Or is it all a package deal?
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 03:10 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 03:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 03:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 03:42 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-27 08:31 pm (UTC)Yep. It happens at cons a lot. There is a percentage of male guests and attendees who are comfortable getting grabby, because hey, you're wearing a costume that shows skin, or you're a fat girl geek who's never been kissed and would welcome the attention, or you're a thin geek girl who isn't like all those others and would welcome the attention, or you're alone in the hotel corridor and would welcome the attention, or you are female and exist and would welcome the attention. Whatever the reasoning, it's obviously your fault.
And there's that added extra layer of poor nerd social skills, which allows bystanders to say, "Aw, he didn't mean it that way, he's just not used to girls. He's a nice guy, really." Riiiiight.
(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 02:29 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 02:47 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 04:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 04:12 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2010-04-29 04:24 am (UTC)