The seriousness of Rape.

[logansrogue]

Just quoting this post for truth:

"Rape is not the only assault. Around rape is a large segment of the population that questions the victim, a culture that looks down on victims for allowing themselves to be victimized, or keep them victimized, questions about the victim's credibility, questions about the legacy of rape and how bad it is, because how bad is rape really? Rape, because various levels and forms of sexual assault are systemic and pervasive across all societies, exists alongside one's experiences of unwanted touching, wanted touching, sexual objectification, sexual desire, sexual harassment, incest, love, leering eyes, cat calls, roaming hands, consent, confusion, tits, vagina, rectum, penis, mouth, rape and not-rape, all of it loaded, all of it veering at rape's ugly legacy, co-mingling, the legacy that tells us to be more careful, to dress more conservatively, to BE BETTER AT BEING VULNERABLE, or BE MORE POWERFUL, or BE MORE FEARFUL, or GET OVER IT ALREADY. Rape leaks into healthy, consensual experiences. It lingers. It pervades."

Chris Rock made a joke that the two worst things you can do to a person is Murder, then Rape. He was joking around, but I've heard this said before, and I think there's something important to be said about that.

Murder can be the worst thing that happens to a person. Having that life stolen, the damage it does to a family - I can't even imagine.

Rape, however, is insidious, because your life is stolen from you as well. The life you had before you were raped. And it feels like that nobody else in the world understands that or even cares. And you look around, seeing that dead-eyed heartache in the eyes of so many women you know. It's like taking the Red Pill of Shit and you finally see what's been going on while you've been wearing the rose-tinted sunnies and skipping in the fields. You see what you feel like the WHOLE WORLD refuses to see.

When you're raped, you suffer that rape every day of your life until you die. There are days you wish you were dead, because you don't own your own space anymore. People say, "You can survive rape. You can get over it."

You never, ever get over it. You learn how to live with the gaping hole where your innocence and sense of safety used to be.

Oh, and you never completely trust anyone ever again. Even the people you love the most. Ever.

Comments

[ophelia-begins.livejournal.com]

the never trusting people again part. yep. i can't trust men. I can never get close to anyone in that way again.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

Oh, and you never completely trust anyone ever again.

Trust is a choice, and it IS possible for many rape victims to trust again. It is certainly possible to trust a friend, SO or parent not to hurt you again. I've been raped many many times, and I know this is possible. Maybe not for everyone, at every stage of their healing. But like the healing itself, trust is a choice. It is an exercise in free will. And for some - once they advance along their healing path - it is an *empowering* choice.

However, I don't think you'll find that many mature people trust 'completely,' since this is both dangerous and only something that little children and those who have not been betrayed tend to do with abandon.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was talking about that childlike trust you have before the innocence is taken away. Of course adults are more discerning. :)

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

I was talking about that childlike trust you have before the innocence is taken away. Of course adults are more discerning. :)

Ah, I think it's a good thing we never get that back; and most people lose it - because betrayal is so horribly horribly common.

But I think it's awful that some people have it ripped away through the crime of rape, vs. say a friend letting you down in a serious manner.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I've had a lot of mental health professionals basically say that - it's a good thing I'm more careful about myself now. I'm still coming to terms with that, I think. I kinda resent having my innocence taken away, but at the same time, there's a certain power in knowing that in most situations, I have power over my body and self by distrusting certain people.

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

I think there's a difference between really really hating that someone took your innocence away from you; which is wrong - and then learning to be okay with not having that innocence and what it means for you as an adult, and how you interact with others.

One will always be wrong, but as you've already pointed out - the other can be quite empowering.

But empowering ironically doesn't always mean it feels good. That's the shitty thing about empowerment, the responsibility and the pain that can come along with it. :/

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

You're right. Thank you *so* much for this conversation. It's been one of the most enlightening and helpful that I've ever had on LJ (and in life in general) and it's helped me in a deep way. *hugs if you want them*

[moonvoice.livejournal.com]

*hugs* And here's me worried I'd make you really angry. *squishy hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, goodness no. It's actually immensely helpful to realise that I don't have to be frightened forever, you know? It's nice to hear something different.