War On EVONY: Spam at best, Sexism at middling, Gold Farming Support at worst. NSFW!!!

[logansrogue]

Hello my fellow internet citizens.


I can see that got your attention.

I intend to cross post this at my feminist blog, Don't Type Angry. I'm increasingly angry at the barrage of ads I've been getting through blogs and websites adsense adverts for Evony. I could go into why they're sexist, but I think other people have already gone over this and if you don't get it at this point, I'm not going to even try to teach you. What I will do? I intend to share with you some wonderful alternative advertisements that Evony can use.

My point in these alternatives isn't just for laughs. I want you all to post them on your blogs and journals. I want you to save these pictures onto your hard-drive. I want you to make your own. Then I want you to send them to every email address the Evony website has listed on their page. Support, advertising, staff, you name it. I think we should bombard these fuckers just like they bombard us.

And just because you're a guy, don't think that these ads don't affect you. I think it's a great disservice to men, thinking they can lure them in with the promise of breasts and subservient women. It's insulting to men, it's insulting to women. It's the lowest common denomenator and I don't think people want that shit on their mainstream, non-porny websites. Usually if you want to see that sort of thing on the net, you have to go looking for it.

It is now popping up in LOLCATS, and on blogs. People are having a HELL of a time trying to get rid of these ads from their adsense accounts. Evony is aggressively finding ways to slip their ads into these accounts anyway.

Coding Horror: How Not To Advertise

BlogLESS: Evony

NFOpocalypse: Civony: Gold-farmers go first party.

BruceOnGames: Don't Play Evony <--- This guy has gone to a LOT of trouble to gather resources and posts about why Evony bites. Give his site a look!



It started like this. This is good. This is descriptive of the game. Strategy, war, knights.


Wait... what? There are no tits in this game!!


This ad I call "TITTY-FUCK ME, MY LORD!"


...Wait. She's - she's not even in costume! WHAT?!


...

...

OH COME ON!!!

(I swear upon my mother's crucifix, that is a real, honest-to-God Evony ad. I did not make it up.) Either way, a fuckneck's not even trying anymore.

Something occurred to me, however. They're missing out on half the market. Isn't it time they start urging the wimminz to join their awesome-sauce browser game?! Where's our princes? Here's where, bitchez:



We'll start real subtle, see...


Aw yeah, ladies, you love that shit. Then the'll move it on up..


Oh no! Guyvony is in trouble!!


But if you save Guyvony, he'll love you forEVAR.

But this isn't enough. It's vaguely fantasy themed. We want to really shove some man-meat in people's faces! YEAH!


Ooh yeah, some muscular Guyvony! Not enough. Needs more V.


Hmmm... still too classy...


We're slowly getting there...


Still not feeling it. We need to CLOSE IN. DISTILL THE ESSENCE OF EVONY.


Wait... NEARLY.


THAT'S IT! PERFECT!



And if any butt-stain of a dude comes in here and bitches and moans that I'm just as bad as the ads and that I'm objectifying you - WAY TO MISS THE POINT. YES, I'M LAUGHING AT YOU. WE ARE ALL LAUGHING AT YOU.

The last word goes to Xena.

Comments

[ausizoro.livejournal.com]

lol funny stuff, well done especially on the last one Xena rocks and kicks ass.

[meleth.livejournal.com]

I honest-to-god thought that Evony was a sex-based RPG when I saw the ads. I mean, "play discreetly on your browser?" How does that not sound like a sex game?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

:D Thanks mate!

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

For a moment I thought that second to last one was a tounge... then I looked at it a bit harder...

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It's really not that exciting. It's a rip off of the Civilization games.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I love how sweaty and naked those balls look. God bless wikipedia!

[corglacier7.livejournal.com]

Oh man, just this last week a friend of mine and I were complaining about these ads, because they're on Facebook all the time when she and I are playing the FishWrangler game there. I specifically remember us discussing the sexism of "Play Now My Lord", the terrified princess with the imminent danger of breast-spillage, and the last ad before the bra shot, which I referred to as "Miss Orgasm McTits."

I hadn't seen the last one where they abandon any pretense of "fantasy RPG" and just go straight to "male fantasy/pseudo-pr0n".

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

That was great. Chris and I both laughed.

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Hahaha you and I have twin brain. I just made this without looking at your post!

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Shit, can't do html for shit ----> http://pics.livejournal.com/originalnilson/pic/0000cgyy/

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

HA! AWESOME!!

[sir-devans.livejournal.com]

I thought your stuff was funny but I don't think that this EVONY is as infectious as you say. Until you blogged about it I had never heard of it. I'm still not sure what it is exactly. Some sort of free MMORPG?

[greenforest-elf.livejournal.com]

you my dear, are CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!

[http://users.livejournal.com/lothar_/]

At first I was like:

:O

But then...

>XD

I LOL'd

[mamasboo.livejournal.com]

*tears streaming down my face can't stop laughing at testicle shot*
I love you. I seriously. Love. You. Now I'll pass out from lack of oxygen from how good and awesome and sad/funny this was. Fuck Evony. I'm with you all the way. I have been saying this for so long but people always say I'm a humorless bitch because I don't want to see stuff like Evony puts out.

[mamasboo.livejournal.com]

That is awesome! LOL Seriously, why don't we ever see this??

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I think we have a fairly good sense of humour, considering. :D Thanks!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It's the sunlight shining off the leather-clad crotch that warms my heart.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It is not a sex-based game. It is a boring-based game, and you get charged for farting. It's a scam, up and down.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Tell me more about FishWrangler... :D

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

You and Chris can get a signed bookmark of your favourite Guyvony ad, from Guyvony himself.

[corglacier7.livejournal.com]

It's a game on Facebook where you go "fishing" to catch various species of fish (for example, the Loafy which looks like a loaf of bread), and as you progress you can get better equipment, new areas with new species, etc.

...just found you on FB. If you friend me back I can send you a link to FW, if you're interested. :)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Brilliant! I'll friend you! It sounds like my kind of fun!

[come-love-sleep.livejournal.com]

Wandered over from JF.
May I friend you?

linked

[filthy-grandeur.livejournal.com]

thought i'd let you know i wrote a post about your post, which you can visit here: http://filthygrandeur.blogspot.com/2009/07/napalm-nacey-declares-war-on-evony.html (let me know if i got your handle right--i just wrote what you signed on Feministe)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Please do! I rant about feminism a lot though. And talk a lot about being chronically ill. But there's amusing interludes about bizarre things my German father does.

Re: linked

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yep. That's my pan-fandom, general internet username. Thanks for the awesome link! I was a bit worried I was too rough on the guys with the objectification, but I think it's pretty clear that I don't like objectification on any side of the coin so... yes. Thanks for the link, I'm buzzed!

[kythiaranos.livejournal.com]

Here from unfunny business just to tell you how awesome your 'Guyvony' ads are.

The Evony ads' creepiness has icked me out, and I'm glad to see someone declaring war on them. *cheers*

[joysweeper.livejournal.com]

*lurks on unfunnybusiness*

Oh, nice. I always love seeing guys in the same kind of idiot cheesecake poses that women are put into. Though I honestly didn't get that the last one was a testicle shot until I got to the comments.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

They make me want to punch things. And I'm a pacifist.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Well, I didn't want it to be obvious it was a set of balls. But I'm subtle like that, see. Subtle like a slap, hah!

[nevermore82.livejournal.com]

haha i played evony the first time i saw the add... was addicted for a few days and then as soon as people were allowed to start attacking me... eh i was screwed. haven't looked back.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

You need to spend a lot of money to play the game properly. :T It's a total scam.

[nevermore82.livejournal.com]

they always are.

[baroquestar.livejournal.com]

OK, this is something like the third time a FOAF has linked to something awesome you've written; must get act together even though I'm now a bit of an LJ recluse. I will friend you, if I may!

*applauds the ads* Those are some... polished balls.

[mamasboo.livejournal.com]

I manip'd the manip a little. Your comment inspired me.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Aw, thankee! I got them from wikipedia, if you'd believe it!