Day two...
Jan. 15th, 2002 01:06 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueWell, it's day two since I've found out about Melma's condition, and despite booking her in for surgery, nothing is getting any easier. The guilt and sadness I'm feeling over depriving Melma of her ears is terrible, and I feel sick thinking about it. Then again, just now, a bit of her nose fell off (a small bit of flesh) so I feel relieved that she's going in so soon.
I still am scared that despite all the money I'm raising and spending, that she'll pass on anyway. That's something I'm dealing with too. I think, most of all, I'll be glad to know that I did my best trying to save her, that I made an effort. I think it's a testament to what a great cat she is, and how well she's treated me all these years.
A good friend I lost contact with left me a message with sympathies for Melma. I'm really touched by the sentiment, and I just wanted to take this moment to thank them very deeply. It shows the depth of character I've always admired about them, and I feel blessed that I've known such people.
Moving on, my counsellor is coming tomorrow to help me work through some of the depression I've been feeling. I've been having my black moods, waking up with no other will than to cry, having minor panic attacks and feeling intolerably alone. At night the depression comes back to me, and I need to spend time either on the net or talking to my brother, who is a bit of an insomniac like me. He's helped by being around, he's a great guy.
I really really feel like watching Lord of the Rings again, just to ease a little of the stress, but I've been settling for reading the books, considering my financial situation. It's helped, talking about it to my friend Azina, she's been a lot of help in lightening my moods a bit.
My other cats have helped immensely too by letting me give them extra long hugs and kisses. They've both been really great.
I have another day of waiting ahead of me, and it's scary. Then it's the operation, and then more waiting to see if Melma's tumors are of the kind that will not get better. The thing I fear most is Melma slowly getting sick and dying. I will not be waiting too long to put her to sleep if that's the case. I would hate for her to be in any pain, I owe too much to her for that.
Those are dark thoughts, however, and I do try to keep positive whilst bearing the reality in mind.
I want to thank the folks on alt.cats for being helplful too. They really are some of the greatest people, if you can wade through the troll dung other people crap out and get to know them a little.
I've been listening to a particular song that helps me. It's poppy, cheesy, light and candy, but it's strong and hopeful in it's own way. If you can get your hands on the lyrics to the song I name below, have a look. They've made me feel really good.
Till next time.
I still am scared that despite all the money I'm raising and spending, that she'll pass on anyway. That's something I'm dealing with too. I think, most of all, I'll be glad to know that I did my best trying to save her, that I made an effort. I think it's a testament to what a great cat she is, and how well she's treated me all these years.
A good friend I lost contact with left me a message with sympathies for Melma. I'm really touched by the sentiment, and I just wanted to take this moment to thank them very deeply. It shows the depth of character I've always admired about them, and I feel blessed that I've known such people.
Moving on, my counsellor is coming tomorrow to help me work through some of the depression I've been feeling. I've been having my black moods, waking up with no other will than to cry, having minor panic attacks and feeling intolerably alone. At night the depression comes back to me, and I need to spend time either on the net or talking to my brother, who is a bit of an insomniac like me. He's helped by being around, he's a great guy.
I really really feel like watching Lord of the Rings again, just to ease a little of the stress, but I've been settling for reading the books, considering my financial situation. It's helped, talking about it to my friend Azina, she's been a lot of help in lightening my moods a bit.
My other cats have helped immensely too by letting me give them extra long hugs and kisses. They've both been really great.
I have another day of waiting ahead of me, and it's scary. Then it's the operation, and then more waiting to see if Melma's tumors are of the kind that will not get better. The thing I fear most is Melma slowly getting sick and dying. I will not be waiting too long to put her to sleep if that's the case. I would hate for her to be in any pain, I owe too much to her for that.
Those are dark thoughts, however, and I do try to keep positive whilst bearing the reality in mind.
I want to thank the folks on alt.cats for being helplful too. They really are some of the greatest people, if you can wade through the troll dung other people crap out and get to know them a little.
I've been listening to a particular song that helps me. It's poppy, cheesy, light and candy, but it's strong and hopeful in it's own way. If you can get your hands on the lyrics to the song I name below, have a look. They've made me feel really good.
Till next time.
{{{HUGS}}}
God, I'm so sorry to hear about Melma! I;ve only ever had hamsters or fish as pets, and so I haven't had as much time to bond with them . I'm hoping the treatment helps. Poor baby!
Hope things go well with your counselor as well. If you're up late and you see me on, feel free to IM me! I'm always here to listen, and I want to know how you're doing!
{{HUGS}} for good measure,
--Karen
{{{HUGS}}}
God, I'm so sorry to hear about Melma! I've only ever had hamsters or fish as pets, and so I haven't had as much time to bond with them . I'm hoping the treatment helps. Poor baby!
Hope things go well with your counselor as well. If you're up late and you see me on, feel free to IM me! I'm always here to listen, and I want to know how you're doing!
{{HUGS}} for good measure,
--Karen