Happy Unbirthday to me.
Jul. 1st, 2001 10:26 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueWell. T-Minus 2 days till I turn 22. Twenty-Two. Twenty-twooooooo.
Wasn't I supposed to be famous by now? Married to Wil Wheaton or at least sleeping with some gorgeous famous person? Released an album? Be in a marginally successful band? Written my 100th song?
No. No no. I'm... I'm a web and fandom veteran, I've been to LA twice (That I can at least be slightly proud of), seen Lawrence of Arabia a few times, possibly suffering from a chemical deficiency of the brain that means I'll probably be on pills for the rest of my life, still single and never been hooked up with a one, unemployed, battling to put together music on a crappy mixing programme, broke, still living with parents, broke, single, broke, full of ambition but no moula to actually DO anything that I'd like to - broke - aaaaand - broke! Oh, and I'm playing Columbia in a Rocky Horror Picture Show re-enactment cast.
I practice guitar, piano, singing. I do all that. Music is my life. But what point is there if I can never perform?
I'm OLD. For a musician, I'm getting ON for the level of notoriety (ie NONE) that I'm at. Kids four years younger than me have bands already. Have been sending tapes to Triple J and the like and have been in concerts. I've never had that because I've never driven, never had any proper instruments, and haven't had parents that are likely to encourage me in that direction either.
And I never made a noise about it. I was all wrapped up in 'art' and I feel like all I've ever done is waste my life and my talent.
I'm going to make a page about me and my music. Do me a favour - go to it when it's up and tell me I don't suck. I'll keep ya posted.
I'm old. This is the first birthday that's sent me to tears. I wanted like, a present at least, just to cheer me up a bit. I got yelled at by my Dad for even suggesting it, and Mum said nothing. Of course, she wants a caravan. So I really am getting nothing this year.
No, it's not a surprise present. When my parents say "You're not getting a present" they mean it. All my brothers and sisters are broke so nada from them as well.
It's not like I'm a gluttonous person. I know birthdays are more than presents (or is that Christmas?) but like - Christmas and Birthdays are the only time I actually get stuff. When I say stuff I mean things like clothing or whatever. Rest of the year I get nothing because I have *nothing* to spend. So my birthday is the one time I feel a little special, and feel that it's great that through all my suicidal tendencies and bad tempers and hopelessness and angers, that I've made it.
I've made one more year, and I didn't eat a bunch of pills or drown myself or jump off a cliff or something. I survived my father's shit temperament and the fact that I totally fail at living life...
Now my mother is looking at eskies. Eskies. She's going to buy herself an eskie and I have no birthday present to speak of. It's like 'Yeah Nancy shut up and go drink the bottle of vodka Dean got you we have more important things to spend money on.'
I can't even get drunk all that often without getting into more depressive episodes.
Anyway, so happy fucking birthday to me. Yay. *throws streamers*
Nacey.
Wasn't I supposed to be famous by now? Married to Wil Wheaton or at least sleeping with some gorgeous famous person? Released an album? Be in a marginally successful band? Written my 100th song?
No. No no. I'm... I'm a web and fandom veteran, I've been to LA twice (That I can at least be slightly proud of), seen Lawrence of Arabia a few times, possibly suffering from a chemical deficiency of the brain that means I'll probably be on pills for the rest of my life, still single and never been hooked up with a one, unemployed, battling to put together music on a crappy mixing programme, broke, still living with parents, broke, single, broke, full of ambition but no moula to actually DO anything that I'd like to - broke - aaaaand - broke! Oh, and I'm playing Columbia in a Rocky Horror Picture Show re-enactment cast.
I practice guitar, piano, singing. I do all that. Music is my life. But what point is there if I can never perform?
I'm OLD. For a musician, I'm getting ON for the level of notoriety (ie NONE) that I'm at. Kids four years younger than me have bands already. Have been sending tapes to Triple J and the like and have been in concerts. I've never had that because I've never driven, never had any proper instruments, and haven't had parents that are likely to encourage me in that direction either.
And I never made a noise about it. I was all wrapped up in 'art' and I feel like all I've ever done is waste my life and my talent.
I'm going to make a page about me and my music. Do me a favour - go to it when it's up and tell me I don't suck. I'll keep ya posted.
I'm old. This is the first birthday that's sent me to tears. I wanted like, a present at least, just to cheer me up a bit. I got yelled at by my Dad for even suggesting it, and Mum said nothing. Of course, she wants a caravan. So I really am getting nothing this year.
No, it's not a surprise present. When my parents say "You're not getting a present" they mean it. All my brothers and sisters are broke so nada from them as well.
It's not like I'm a gluttonous person. I know birthdays are more than presents (or is that Christmas?) but like - Christmas and Birthdays are the only time I actually get stuff. When I say stuff I mean things like clothing or whatever. Rest of the year I get nothing because I have *nothing* to spend. So my birthday is the one time I feel a little special, and feel that it's great that through all my suicidal tendencies and bad tempers and hopelessness and angers, that I've made it.
I've made one more year, and I didn't eat a bunch of pills or drown myself or jump off a cliff or something. I survived my father's shit temperament and the fact that I totally fail at living life...
Now my mother is looking at eskies. Eskies. She's going to buy herself an eskie and I have no birthday present to speak of. It's like 'Yeah Nancy shut up and go drink the bottle of vodka Dean got you we have more important things to spend money on.'
I can't even get drunk all that often without getting into more depressive episodes.
Anyway, so happy fucking birthday to me. Yay. *throws streamers*
Nacey.
