I want a proper God-damn catch up post!
Oct. 18th, 2007 02:02 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueSo I'm writing one.
I waffle on about a lot of crap in my journal. I've been very inward these past months and I am so sorry, everyone. I was starting to wonder why I felt so isolated and it only sort of occurred to me that I felt isolated because I'm *cutting myself off* from the world.
Those that know me well know I tend to go through what I call 'hermit' stages. I retreat into my own mind and mull and ponder all these creative things that I'm working on. I'm writing all the time. All the time things are bubbling away in my brain and eventually, there'll be an explosion and a result that I'll get to share with you all.
Unfortunately as my skill levels rise in my work, so do the standards I place on myself and the time it takes to finish these things. I miss writing a fic in a week and sharing it with people. I miss looking at a body of work and feeling proud. I guess I preferred the feeling of looking at an entire story that took years to write and feeling proud cause I knew it was solid, well-done and something I could show to someone without wincing. I can't really say that of most of my earlier fan-fic. I'm talking about fic and art and stuff cause it's how I met so many of you, and I feel that I've lost that connection. I miss my peeps. But it's a change I know is going to happen as I ease up on the fan work and concentrate on my original work. It has to happen, and I know it'll disappoint some people but it's something that has to happen, I think.
I actually went through a bit of my friends list tonight. If you've had heavy shit happen and I've been silent on the matter - I'm so sorry. I've been concentrating on myself like a nit the past months and I hate the thought that I haven't been there for some people. I look at my friends list and think of all the fun online and offline times I've had with the people there and I miss you all *so* much! I love you all terribly and I feel blessed that so many wonderful people have spent their time with me.
For those that have kept commenting in my journal through these awfully emo months of mine - thank you. I keep lamenting in the change in my personality since getting endometriosis. I keep thinking I'm no fun anymore and I really have to stop that shit. Endo isn't fun but I am. Sometimes I have to talk about it, and if people can't deal with that then I can't help it. I don't even want people to do anything or suggest anything. Sometimes all one needs to hear is, "I love you, you'll get through this." For those that repeatedly do that for me (I'm talkin' to you, Nitya, you know I am!) I can't thank you enough. Your patience and love astound me!
It is pumpkin time, folks. Halloween. I shall be getting into the spirit this year! Watch out! :-P
I waffle on about a lot of crap in my journal. I've been very inward these past months and I am so sorry, everyone. I was starting to wonder why I felt so isolated and it only sort of occurred to me that I felt isolated because I'm *cutting myself off* from the world.
Those that know me well know I tend to go through what I call 'hermit' stages. I retreat into my own mind and mull and ponder all these creative things that I'm working on. I'm writing all the time. All the time things are bubbling away in my brain and eventually, there'll be an explosion and a result that I'll get to share with you all.
Unfortunately as my skill levels rise in my work, so do the standards I place on myself and the time it takes to finish these things. I miss writing a fic in a week and sharing it with people. I miss looking at a body of work and feeling proud. I guess I preferred the feeling of looking at an entire story that took years to write and feeling proud cause I knew it was solid, well-done and something I could show to someone without wincing. I can't really say that of most of my earlier fan-fic. I'm talking about fic and art and stuff cause it's how I met so many of you, and I feel that I've lost that connection. I miss my peeps. But it's a change I know is going to happen as I ease up on the fan work and concentrate on my original work. It has to happen, and I know it'll disappoint some people but it's something that has to happen, I think.
I actually went through a bit of my friends list tonight. If you've had heavy shit happen and I've been silent on the matter - I'm so sorry. I've been concentrating on myself like a nit the past months and I hate the thought that I haven't been there for some people. I look at my friends list and think of all the fun online and offline times I've had with the people there and I miss you all *so* much! I love you all terribly and I feel blessed that so many wonderful people have spent their time with me.
For those that have kept commenting in my journal through these awfully emo months of mine - thank you. I keep lamenting in the change in my personality since getting endometriosis. I keep thinking I'm no fun anymore and I really have to stop that shit. Endo isn't fun but I am. Sometimes I have to talk about it, and if people can't deal with that then I can't help it. I don't even want people to do anything or suggest anything. Sometimes all one needs to hear is, "I love you, you'll get through this." For those that repeatedly do that for me (I'm talkin' to you, Nitya, you know I am!) I can't thank you enough. Your patience and love astound me!
It is pumpkin time, folks. Halloween. I shall be getting into the spirit this year! Watch out! :-P
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-17 08:56 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 05:24 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-17 09:26 pm (UTC)BSAG Ted agrees :-)
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 05:25 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 12:53 am (UTC)Ooh Halloween! I would ask what you're going to be but that would spoil the surprise wouldn't it? :P I know someone in RL who is going to be a disco witch. /random
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 05:27 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 12:54 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 01:05 pm (UTC)I don't think I'll be able to do Pride this year, much to my disappointment. I'm just too sick. :( I have to stay in one spot all night!
(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-19 12:31 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2007-10-18 04:23 am (UTC)did u see my last post re pride parade? I hope u are coming??????