Having and ugly fat day.

[logansrogue]

All the weight I managed to get off has come back. So I'm back to about sixty-six kilos. I have a super zit on my face too. So I'm just feeling really fat, unattractive and disgusting. Feeling incredibly sick too. :(

I went out with Tina and tried to find some clothes today. I forgot to lodge my Centrelink form so I couldn't fucking BUY anything, but I did manage to find things to buy next week when I go there.

I tried on some outfits though that made me feel so awfully fat. :( Just looking in the mirror and seeing the bulge. The most frustrating thing is I WANT to exercise, I WANT to lose weight but my health makes it impossible sometimes.

I'm going to have a bit of a sob, I think, and work on some fic. I just remember how svelte and gorgeous I used to be in my early twenties. I put in my belly-button piercing yesterday when I was showing them to my little niece's cousin and I just thought, "Wow, my piercing looks great, but I'll never flash my belly cause it's so fucking fat."

The only nice thing is the lovely emails I've been getting from this guy I've been talking to. He's really awesome and really quite cute. Lovely brown eyes and full lips. :D

UGH. Okay. I'm going to plan some cutbacks on my carbs and figure out what I CAN do to trim down a bit. Love youse.

Comments

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

That is very interesting and in a very real way makes sense. Do any of us feel secure in our bodies? Do any of us walk around and feel empowered, a living embodiment of a goddess? No. We are either too fat, too dark (I know I'm been pressured to dye my hair blonde), too hairy (damn, I have to shave my legs again?) or just are not the "ideal." Because let's face it .. the "perfect" woman is not only unrealistic but unhealthy ... walking anorexic skeletons. But do we have this same standard for men?

Do we demand all men be walking Adonises? Definitely not. They can be imperfect and still have thriving careers and positions with status. Women on the other hand have to be so much at once (perfect mother, wife, daughter, career woman). It's unfair and it's about time we said fuck you to society and love ourselves for who we are.