You must be asking about me, because I have a huge, hard kink for being dominated. A lot of my fantasies are role-played as non-con and dub-con. I worried about myself and this when I was young, and my readings led me to "sexual guilt" as the culprit. If a woman feels she shouldn't be having sex, then she is attracted to sex she can't control. Deeply I think I'm ugly and non-sexual, so I remove myself from the fantasy and pretend to be someone else who's the object of someone's deranged focus. Being forced, either physically or mechanically, is something I've also enjoyed in Japanese erotica -- and then the equally disturbing trend that women are really filthy whores and the "victim porn" genre exposes them.
I think the disconnect comes when, in my fantasy or in other cultures, the victim is actually into it. Maybe they don't want to admit it, maybe a curse made them lustful, maybe a poison has to be ejaculated, maybe they're possessed... but during the act, the rape is blurred and idealized. Consent isn't an issue, orgasm is ... and the kink is knowing a trick has been played, or the guilt that will hit when the spell is released.
If the victim isn't enjoying it or being manipulated in some way, if the victim is really suffering -- I'm squicked. I once dared myself to watch Irreversible, the most disturbing movie ever made, and it shows a real rape start to finish ... I cried myself to sleep, it was that horrible and heart-breaking.
Of course there are days when I know I have to at least try to like myself, and it would serve me to steer my fantasies somewhere healthier and force a "taste shift" ... but there it is. I see that D&G ad and think, "Oh you lucky whore."
So then I say... wait for it... I'm a feminist. (*HIDES*) I know, right! It's a problem. S&M is erotic when it's a bond of trust. Real rape is vile to me, but I think two consenting adults can play whatever they want. So I admit I'm messed up. Bad childhood. Rape fantasy is a symptom of a problem, and should not be considered normal or ideal.
Incest is a weird one for me. I have five siblings and don't have any desire to sex them. But if two wanted to, I guess why not? If me and one of my parents wanted to, why not? It's just sex. It's just rubbing two parts together to secrete some hormones. If two people who are related want to do that for each other -- fine by me. But I think there are hundreds of better alternatives, so I discourage it. Family love should stay in a different category than Lust Love. Let each one hold its power individually. I used to be ok with HP's Fred/George until I really thought about it and started avoiding it. But then I got into Supernatural, and there's a big Dean/Sam fandom that upon first glance had me screaming and running away from my computer. The deep squick I felt made me understand why anyone could hate slash. It broke my Snape/Harry OTP, it bothered me that much. Now I'm focusing most on gen and het in all my fandoms. When actually, I need to focus more on me as a healthy and sex-deserving person, instead of living my life through fandoms and failed relationships.
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dancing_serpent
Well, you asked!
Date: 2007-03-08 07:22 pm (UTC)I think the disconnect comes when, in my fantasy or in other cultures, the victim is actually into it. Maybe they don't want to admit it, maybe a curse made them lustful, maybe a poison has to be ejaculated, maybe they're possessed... but during the act, the rape is blurred and idealized. Consent isn't an issue, orgasm is ... and the kink is knowing a trick has been played, or the guilt that will hit when the spell is released.
If the victim isn't enjoying it or being manipulated in some way, if the victim is really suffering -- I'm squicked. I once dared myself to watch Irreversible, the most disturbing movie ever made, and it shows a real rape start to finish ... I cried myself to sleep, it was that horrible and heart-breaking.
Of course there are days when I know I have to at least try to like myself, and it would serve me to steer my fantasies somewhere healthier and force a "taste shift" ... but there it is. I see that D&G ad and think, "Oh you lucky whore."
So then I say... wait for it... I'm a feminist. (*HIDES*) I know, right! It's a problem. S&M is erotic when it's a bond of trust. Real rape is vile to me, but I think two consenting adults can play whatever they want. So I admit I'm messed up. Bad childhood. Rape fantasy is a symptom of a problem, and should not be considered normal or ideal.
Incest is a weird one for me. I have five siblings and don't have any desire to sex them. But if two wanted to, I guess why not? If me and one of my parents wanted to, why not? It's just sex. It's just rubbing two parts together to secrete some hormones. If two people who are related want to do that for each other -- fine by me. But I think there are hundreds of better alternatives, so I discourage it. Family love should stay in a different category than Lust Love. Let each one hold its power individually. I used to be ok with HP's Fred/George until I really thought about it and started avoiding it. But then I got into Supernatural, and there's a big Dean/Sam fandom that upon first glance had me screaming and running away from my computer. The deep squick I felt made me understand why anyone could hate slash. It broke my Snape/Harry OTP, it bothered me that much. Now I'm focusing most on gen and het in all my fandoms. When actually, I need to focus more on me as a healthy and sex-deserving person, instead of living my life through fandoms and failed relationships.