A thought-changing article.

[logansrogue]

Every now and again I read something that alters my consciousness, that changes how I view my life on a fundamental level. That sounds pretty heavy but hey - sometimes I'm a deep girl.

This blog discusses the concept of 'consent' and Third Wave Feminism.

They bring up some really full-on points that I'd never really thought of, and realised that, for all these years, I'd been taking power *away* from myself. I've been submissive without even realising it. I know, me, Nancy, submissive?

But every time I thought myself something less for *not* having the serious relationship, every time I find myself in the dumps, pouting and relating to Bridget Jones, considering certain men and thinking, "Well, I can put up with this personality trait" and knowing its incompatibility, I was considering a 'trade-off' rather than something I deserved, and I was being sexist to *myself*.

It's opened my eyes to certian behaviours and negative thought-patterns that I'd been inflicting upon myself for years, and I've felt something click into place. Perhaps I've been taking myself for granted all these years. I've assumed that I have no power in the dating game, that I'm the one at fault when it falls through and I'm the reason why things go wrong. It's silly, I know, but this article was a catalyst for a train of thought that kind of made me look at things differently. Which is so fucking COOL.

Anyway, I have to go to bed and take some pills before that. I also have a story that's been dogging me, and this new thought will actually help me with it hugely. Yay!

(I blame the tone of this post on Frank Herbert. I've been reading through the Dune series and you know how deep those can get sometimes).

Comments

[fyrdrakken]

Pandagon is a good blogger I should maybe read more often instead of just following links whenever someone points out one of her posts. Anyway, she's touched on my own relationship philosophy in a tangential view, which is that if one person is having to work their ass off to make the other stay then they need to really think about what they're getting out of this relationship and whether they're in fact dealing with a parasite they need to ditch. Because, yeah. I have this creeping horror at the concept of being shackled to a person who just takes and takes as though everything offered was theirs by right, and gives back only grudgingly and as though condescending to do a great unearned favor -- whether it's a friendship or a sexual relationship. And I have issues with the idea that sex needs to necessarily be tied to a "serious" relationship or else the female in the equation is "degrading" herself in some fashion -- the more so since I see a lot more degradation going on in some "serious" relationships than in some more casual ones.