Day one of recovery...

[logansrogue]

Well, technically day two but I'm only twenty-three minutes into day two.

Despite the fact that I'm here typing, I can't tell you what pain I'm in. Even my cheeks hurt at times. On my face. I'm sick of staying in one spot all the time, I really am. I'm sick of feeling so crap, and of my guts hurting like the fuck, and I'm totally sick of not being able to get up and do what I want. Geez. And I thought it was bad when I just had the endo. Fuck.

Plus I'm totally pissed off that I have to go through this all again. I can't answer people's messages yet, I'm still in too much pain. I have a heat pack on my shoulder as I type this. I got really depressed just now, sitting in the dark lounge room all on my own. I figured I had to get up, do stuff, get my mind off of shit. I guess I was sad cause I figured I'd have to go through this shit for the rest of my life. Cause it's endo - it never goes away, right?

I felt all suicidal. Then I realised that other people have it WAY worse than I do, and to stop being such a fucking baby. I guess it's just the total illness I'm feeling right now that's getting me down. Plus I'm grieving.

I so wish I didn't have endo. God. Why couldn't I have been wrong? Why couldn't I have had irritable bowel or something, something that I can cure?

But again, there's no use asking questions or bitching cause it doesn't change anything. I just have to do what I can to recover. It's my life, I want it to be a good one, and I just have to put extra effort in for that, extra strength and determination. I keep telling myself that I can do this, that it's easy. I've gone through the worst of this the first time around. Then there's a second time around, and it'll be worse cause there'll be burning bits away. But I'll get better - bodies heal. And then I can run again, and play and sing and be the super amazing vital person I was before this took over my life. I keep telling myself that, cause it's what's keeping me going.

And you guys. I thanked you before, I could never stop thanking you. Really. It means the world to me.

Onto some fangirling, cause I fangirl therefor I am. Have been totally enjoying Promethea (the comics). Very educational with magic and stuff. The Kabbalah magic is totally confusing, but the Tree of Life still intrigues me. Don't worry - I'm not turning into Madonna.

I should probably lie down again. I don't really want to. I feel like I want to have the hugest fart of my life. I know that's TMI but dude, I am so full of fucking gas. I hate this shit.

All right. I'm going to be a good girl and try to get some rest. Love youse alls.

PS - Even my NECK hurts!!!

Comments

[leopardeternal.livejournal.com]

the pain of operation. Sucks, hope you feel better soon. I'm glad now that its known and official that you have endo, sorry you have it, sorry you have to go through it. But now that the Dr.'s know about it they can DO something about it. You will feel better soon. hugs.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D *hug*