Day one of recovery...

[logansrogue]

Well, technically day two but I'm only twenty-three minutes into day two.

Despite the fact that I'm here typing, I can't tell you what pain I'm in. Even my cheeks hurt at times. On my face. I'm sick of staying in one spot all the time, I really am. I'm sick of feeling so crap, and of my guts hurting like the fuck, and I'm totally sick of not being able to get up and do what I want. Geez. And I thought it was bad when I just had the endo. Fuck.

Plus I'm totally pissed off that I have to go through this all again. I can't answer people's messages yet, I'm still in too much pain. I have a heat pack on my shoulder as I type this. I got really depressed just now, sitting in the dark lounge room all on my own. I figured I had to get up, do stuff, get my mind off of shit. I guess I was sad cause I figured I'd have to go through this shit for the rest of my life. Cause it's endo - it never goes away, right?

I felt all suicidal. Then I realised that other people have it WAY worse than I do, and to stop being such a fucking baby. I guess it's just the total illness I'm feeling right now that's getting me down. Plus I'm grieving.

I so wish I didn't have endo. God. Why couldn't I have been wrong? Why couldn't I have had irritable bowel or something, something that I can cure?

But again, there's no use asking questions or bitching cause it doesn't change anything. I just have to do what I can to recover. It's my life, I want it to be a good one, and I just have to put extra effort in for that, extra strength and determination. I keep telling myself that I can do this, that it's easy. I've gone through the worst of this the first time around. Then there's a second time around, and it'll be worse cause there'll be burning bits away. But I'll get better - bodies heal. And then I can run again, and play and sing and be the super amazing vital person I was before this took over my life. I keep telling myself that, cause it's what's keeping me going.

And you guys. I thanked you before, I could never stop thanking you. Really. It means the world to me.

Onto some fangirling, cause I fangirl therefor I am. Have been totally enjoying Promethea (the comics). Very educational with magic and stuff. The Kabbalah magic is totally confusing, but the Tree of Life still intrigues me. Don't worry - I'm not turning into Madonna.

I should probably lie down again. I don't really want to. I feel like I want to have the hugest fart of my life. I know that's TMI but dude, I am so full of fucking gas. I hate this shit.

All right. I'm going to be a good girl and try to get some rest. Love youse alls.

PS - Even my NECK hurts!!!

Comments

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

I am full of the Kabbalah wisdom, feel free to ask me about it.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Cool. Shall do, the next time I see you. What amazes me is how close some of the theory in the book is to Gnosticism. It's amazing!

[leopardeternal.livejournal.com]

the pain of operation. Sucks, hope you feel better soon. I'm glad now that its known and official that you have endo, sorry you have it, sorry you have to go through it. But now that the Dr.'s know about it they can DO something about it. You will feel better soon. hugs.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you. :D *hug*

[japester.livejournal.com]

endo meaning endometryosis? that *sucketh* seriously sucketh.
'finger to the world' time and make some time for yourself.

::hugz::

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh yeah, I've been lying around and recovering from the op. Mousse and sandwiches, that's all I've been eating. LOL. I can't even manage runts - too strong. But I'll eat them soon enough.

My gut is full of air, I look pregnant or something. LOL!

[lykeleia.livejournal.com]

Hang in there hun. You're such a strong person, ya know? *sends love* Wish I could be more helpful.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Aah, there are stronger people than I. *hugs* The fact that you comment, that you're still around through all this whinging and whining, means more than you know!

[lykeleia.livejournal.com]

Still, not everybody gets the rough end of things like you have. You are a trooper, whether you think so or not. Of course I'm here! Tis what friends are for. You'd do it for me if I was the one who needed the support. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Ah. There are bigger troopers than me, but I accept your compliment. LOL. *hugs* Thanks for the support, love!

[phoenixwriter.livejournal.com]

That's hard and I can understand that you probably feel pretty overhelmed by this result however after the first shock, first saddness or anger goes away I think you know now there is a way to have an improvment for your situation and your life. There is always hope.

Anyway get better soon, my best wishes I send to you.

~Diana

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

[afdani1984.livejournal.com]

Hot Krumpcap for Nancy to make her feel better! *hughughughug..but gently of course*


(http://photobucket.com)


Just imagine he's...fondling your boobs. LoL. "Ohhhh naaaancy..they're so niiiiice. let me calculate the circumference"

[berenicepotter.livejournal.com]

lmao XD GOOD ONE

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

ROFLMAO! *laughs* Thank you. I can imagine he's saying to Don "They're very firm. And she's letting me touch them, not you. Oh snap, sucka!" (thing is, I'd probably let Don cop a feel if he asked!!)

[afdani1984.livejournal.com]

i'd let him cop a feel even if he didn't ask *teehee* Glad to see you're feeling better though. I'm off to hibernate in the dark and fend of an impending migraine. My job...sucketh.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'm feeling quite a bit better, yes. Still have heaps of mail to answer. GAH.

At least you have a job. Money is good. *nods*

[nousia.livejournal.com]

Awwww.

*hugs* Hope you feel better soon, Nancy!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thank you, babe. *huG*

[berenicepotter.livejournal.com]

You will feel better, you will go back to that energic person you ARE. *HUGSLOVE* :) GO NANCY! I love you, woman. You are the best.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I love you too, Leda. *hug*

[melalucci.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry you feel so awful, Nancy. :( ::hugs:: Let me know if I can do anything to help, okay? And don't give up! I'll be praying for you...

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Ah, it would take a lot to make me give up. Like, a seriously huge amount of crappage. I've got too many important things to do to let something like endo stop me!

*hugs* Thank you for your prayers, hon!

[originalnilson.livejournal.com]

Hey, if you need some company give us a call. You're not alone. Well you don't have to be.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks, Tiney-girl. I've really appreciated your company, it's super-nice to have you around. If Tom visits, shall I call you? I figure you'd want to see him.

I'm feeling a bit better today. Shoulder pain not so sore. Actually, I feel heaps better. I think my body decided last night "Fuck this. I'm getting better, I hate this invalid shit!" I still feel sore if I push myself too much (Like now LOL) but usually a lie down and some eye-closing and snoozing fixes that. :) It's weird - sitting up and answering mail makes me feel like I've run a marathon. Heart beating, all that shiz. Weird.

[lykeleia.livejournal.com]

Welcome :)