Numbers Episode Recap: Pilot.
Nov. 7th, 2005 04:26 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
logansrogueSeason: One
Episode: Pilot
This was a little difficult because it was the first ep, and I'm a sucker for a running joke. But in future, people might actually read these episode reviews in order. So I have to have the episode running jokes *running the right way*.
I didn't bust a funny-bone trying to be super-amusing, but there might be an odd bone or two in here.
***WARNING: Not for Dial-Up! 88 Images Under Cut!!***
Don: Hey. I'm Agent Don "Hero" Eppes.
Terry: Hey! I'm your mousy yet strangely attractive partner. Careful, you're about to walk into some giant toy arrows with suckers on the end of them.
Don: WTF?
Terry: Told ya. Don't eat your glasses, honey, they're bad for you.
(Check out the blonde chick in the background! LOL!)
Okay, EVERYONE! We can ALL RELAX! GW Bush is on the case... (behind Don). Speaking of which...
Don is so excited he does his celebrated Dubya impersonation, not realising that Jon Stewart already does one very much like it... "Heh heh... heh heh..."
Back at the office...
Terry: Dude, watch out. The boss looks like Nick Nolte.
Don: Oh he does NOT...
...
Terry: Told ya.
And here we meet our ... other... hero. Look at DK's eyes. He is so totally shitting himself in that thing!!
*rofl* What is he driving, a SHOE?!
Math!Sensei: Okay, he's driving that shoe like a bitch in heat... but WHY is he driving a shoe?!
The first thing we learn about Charlie is that he wins at life. There's either a very cramped midget under the bonnet of that go-cart or someone's made him look that happy...
Haha... okay! Amita, just be a woman and swallow.
In good ol' Sensei-student tradition, Math!Sensei establishes the homosexual subtext...
Math!Sensei: Kiss me you mad, loveable fool!
Bwahaha. He looks like he's doing a Mr.T impersonation.
Charlie: Don't you gimme no jibba-jabba!
Now I present for your enjoyment... Emotion Charlie!
Unimpressed.
A little, wide-eyed baby squirrel, seeing the world for the very first time.
I was once Bernard the Elf and now I have the Heartthrob role in a well rating crime series.
Don: Hey Dad! Let's establish the hell out of our relationship.
Dad: Sounds good to me, son.
Don: Great. Give me your clothes.
Dad: Sure! Just don't wear my leopard-print G-strings...
Don: Okay, I'm going to go have a shower to titillate my fangirls. *adds in thought* And to scrub that revolting mental picture of your naughty underwear from my brain...
Don: La la la la la... have a good look fangirls. I'm wet!
Don: Woah! Charlie! How many times did I tell you not to dig into my porn? You'll crease the posters, you always fold 'em out the wrong way!
Charlie: I do NOT!
Don: Don't argue with me! Now you've made me angry and you know that when I'm mad, only an Elvis impersonation can make me feel better.
Don: Hunka hunka... thankyaverruhmuch! *relieved sigh*
Woah Charlie! You're either loving your brother, or loving your brother. (Though, either way, he's pleasing somebody.)
This was the moment, folks. This was the moment I fell in luuuuuuurve. And forgot all about Bernard.
Charlie meditates on something.
Charlie: Ommm-'Mita-pat-my-bum...
Ooh, the puns begin, folks.
Dad: Aaaah AOHHH! I look funny with my mouth like this, AOHH! Look! I'm one of those carnival clowns! Put a cookie in my mouth!
*snort* What, is he eating retard cookies?
Heh. Charlie is either becoming one of the Borg or recording an album.
Go on, Amita. Pull it out and make it spring back and slap him in the ear! That's my favourite joke ever!
...
And so Amita reveals her kink for chalk-dust...
Uhm... Charlie. You're no longer looking heterosexual. If I were the Math!Sensei I'd be wetting my pants. In a good way.
*swoon* He's so beautiful when he's crushing on his Math!Sensei...
Charlie: Come on, Sim!Me! Make woo-hoo with Sim!Amita or I'll lock you in the kitchen with a cheap stove and a lot of wooden furniture!
Back at headquarters...
Boss!Dude: Hey there.
Amita: Hey! Nick Nolte!
Don: He's not Nick Nolte.
Charlie, Charlie. If you want to decrease your gay factor in this episode? Move your hand a foot lower. Okay, I'll bite, I'll do a straight joke.
Charlie: All right everybody, she's *my* unbelievably hot maths bitch.
Charlie: [sings] Find me somebody tooooooooooo...
Charlie: Luh-huh-huh-huuuuuuuuuve!
Don: That's it. I'm not letting him play in the FBI anymore...
Charlie: Hey Don! What about this one, you ready?
Don: Oh no. Oh don't you... Don't. You. Fucking. DARE!
Charlie: Meep. Meeeeeep! I'm a little weeny baby rabbit! Meeeeep!
Don: ...I so hate you.
Terry: Yo, Charlie! Do that one that cracked up Agent Baldie!
Charlie: Oh, hey, sure! Hey, who am I? Nobody? Anyone?
Charlie: Too late. I'm the Son of God. The poster... is my halo.
Out in the field...
Agent!Baldie: Dude, your brother's Jesus joke rocked. I laughed so hard.
Don's senses tell him something isn't right... *sniff sniff*
He's troubled... he's gotta make sure...
*sniff sniff*
Don: Dude... did you FART?
I think it's incredibly cute that their Dad owns a cockatoo.
And hey, these two are totally cute too!
Dad: Charlie...
Charlie: Yeah?
Dad: You've got a totally hot maths bitch next to you and you're talking about sex being not allowed. Are you gay or something?
Charlie: Hmmm...
Charlie: Ah, not right now. *moon*
Beautiful, beautiful sex, people. That's all I'm going to say. Beautiful sex.
Don: Ye-hello? Who? What? What are you talking about? What does the colour of my underwear have to do with anything? Huh? NO! I'm not saying "Touch me, Pixie, please"!
Charlie: Wow. There are some sick people out there. At least they're not calling me.
Charlie: Anyway - pervy phone calls aside. I have some important data to show you! It's a matter of life and death!
Charlie: See that? It's two percent! In a CIRCLE!
Charlie: That means answers.
(Don't try to make sense of it, I'm being random...)
Later in his room of working things out:
Charlie: Hello, Charlie Eppes speaking. Who? Nancy? Excuse me? Er... blue. Uhm... briefs. Why are you... Oh my...
Charlie: ...uh-huh. Right. So, what else would you- Yeah? Keep going...
Later:
Don: Hello. Hey Charlie.
Don: You what? She said WHAT?
Don: ... !!!
Don: Dude! You're not supposed to get into pervy phone calls! I don't care how good she is! Who CARES if she sounds sexy over the phone? I'm hanging up!!
Charlie, Charlie. You need lessons in heterosexuality. A few of feet to the RIGHT. Then shake head vigourously. All jokes aside (yes, I'm actually doing serious commentary here - hold onto your hats!) I'm so glad this violent anti-social asshattery behaviour ended here. I like the mystefied, soft, deeply-thinking nerd MUCH better.
Charlie. Wet. *thunk* First episode and they're servin' up the goods like a five star restaurant...
I don't think Charlie realises he looks like Ralph Maggio here.
Charlie: Hey Math!Sensei Larry.
Math!Sensei: Heh. You're wet!
Charlie: Yes. It's raining.
Math!Sensei: Yeeeeeees.....
Awww! Charlie has his very first "I suck!" moment!
Charlie: Woah! I'm desaturating! Colour draining! I must be about to have an idea!
Don: Hello? Pixie! For the last time, I'm not saying it!
Charlie: They go away if you give them what they want.
Don: [to Charlie] Shut up, you little perve.
Suspect: Hey. I'm the bad guy. Have I left enough evidence conveniently lying around for you to gnab me yet?
Don: Hmmm... let's see. Knife, check. Blow-torch, check. Cigarettes, check. You're a gourmet chef and would therefore most likely cook black truffles... check. Knife with weird butt... and we're good to go. You've got the right to remain silent...
*SUFFOCATES*
Terry: You crazy bitch! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with plastic bags?!
Don: OMG, TERRY LOVE OF MY LIFE! ARE YOU OKAY?!
Terry: I'm fine. Holy shit, take a chill pill, Don. It's not that hard to climb through a fucking window. You're the one around the knives and the fighting! Yeesh!
And here Charlie has the first sweet taste of success, the sugary warm glow of doing good for one's community. And looking totally fucking hot while he's at it.
I'd like to thank Hilary and http://numb3rs-online.net for providing the screen caps! Gracias!
Episode: Pilot
This was a little difficult because it was the first ep, and I'm a sucker for a running joke. But in future, people might actually read these episode reviews in order. So I have to have the episode running jokes *running the right way*.
I didn't bust a funny-bone trying to be super-amusing, but there might be an odd bone or two in here.
***WARNING: Not for Dial-Up! 88 Images Under Cut!!***
Don: Hey. I'm Agent Don "Hero" Eppes.
Terry: Hey! I'm your mousy yet strangely attractive partner. Careful, you're about to walk into some giant toy arrows with suckers on the end of them.
Don: WTF?
Terry: Told ya. Don't eat your glasses, honey, they're bad for you.
(Check out the blonde chick in the background! LOL!)
Okay, EVERYONE! We can ALL RELAX! GW Bush is on the case... (behind Don). Speaking of which...
Don is so excited he does his celebrated Dubya impersonation, not realising that Jon Stewart already does one very much like it... "Heh heh... heh heh..."
Back at the office...
Terry: Dude, watch out. The boss looks like Nick Nolte.
Don: Oh he does NOT...
...
Terry: Told ya.
And here we meet our ... other... hero. Look at DK's eyes. He is so totally shitting himself in that thing!!
*rofl* What is he driving, a SHOE?!
Math!Sensei: Okay, he's driving that shoe like a bitch in heat... but WHY is he driving a shoe?!
The first thing we learn about Charlie is that he wins at life. There's either a very cramped midget under the bonnet of that go-cart or someone's made him look that happy...
Haha... okay! Amita, just be a woman and swallow.
In good ol' Sensei-student tradition, Math!Sensei establishes the homosexual subtext...
Math!Sensei: Kiss me you mad, loveable fool!
Bwahaha. He looks like he's doing a Mr.T impersonation.
Charlie: Don't you gimme no jibba-jabba!
Now I present for your enjoyment... Emotion Charlie!
Unimpressed. A little, wide-eyed baby squirrel, seeing the world for the very first time. I was once Bernard the Elf and now I have the Heartthrob role in a well rating crime series.Don: Hey Dad! Let's establish the hell out of our relationship.
Dad: Sounds good to me, son.
Don: Great. Give me your clothes.
Dad: Sure! Just don't wear my leopard-print G-strings...
Don: Okay, I'm going to go have a shower to titillate my fangirls. *adds in thought* And to scrub that revolting mental picture of your naughty underwear from my brain...
Don: La la la la la... have a good look fangirls. I'm wet!
Don: Woah! Charlie! How many times did I tell you not to dig into my porn? You'll crease the posters, you always fold 'em out the wrong way!
Charlie: I do NOT!
Don: Don't argue with me! Now you've made me angry and you know that when I'm mad, only an Elvis impersonation can make me feel better.
Don: Hunka hunka... thankyaverruhmuch! *relieved sigh*
Woah Charlie! You're either loving your brother, or loving your brother. (Though, either way, he's pleasing somebody.)
This was the moment, folks. This was the moment I fell in luuuuuuurve. And forgot all about Bernard.
Charlie meditates on something.
Charlie: Ommm-'Mita-pat-my-bum...
Ooh, the puns begin, folks.
Dad: Aaaah AOHHH! I look funny with my mouth like this, AOHH! Look! I'm one of those carnival clowns! Put a cookie in my mouth!
*snort* What, is he eating retard cookies?
Heh. Charlie is either becoming one of the Borg or recording an album.
Go on, Amita. Pull it out and make it spring back and slap him in the ear! That's my favourite joke ever!
...And so Amita reveals her kink for chalk-dust...
Uhm... Charlie. You're no longer looking heterosexual. If I were the Math!Sensei I'd be wetting my pants. In a good way.
*swoon* He's so beautiful when he's crushing on his Math!Sensei...
Charlie: Come on, Sim!Me! Make woo-hoo with Sim!Amita or I'll lock you in the kitchen with a cheap stove and a lot of wooden furniture!
Back at headquarters...
Boss!Dude: Hey there.
Amita: Hey! Nick Nolte!
Don: He's not Nick Nolte.
Charlie, Charlie. If you want to decrease your gay factor in this episode? Move your hand a foot lower. Okay, I'll bite, I'll do a straight joke.
Charlie: All right everybody, she's *my* unbelievably hot maths bitch.
Charlie: [sings] Find me somebody tooooooooooo...
Charlie: Luh-huh-huh-huuuuuuuuuve!
Don: That's it. I'm not letting him play in the FBI anymore...
Charlie: Hey Don! What about this one, you ready?
Don: Oh no. Oh don't you... Don't. You. Fucking. DARE!
Charlie: Meep. Meeeeeep! I'm a little weeny baby rabbit! Meeeeep!
Don: ...I so hate you.
Terry: Yo, Charlie! Do that one that cracked up Agent Baldie!
Charlie: Oh, hey, sure! Hey, who am I? Nobody? Anyone?
Charlie: Too late. I'm the Son of God. The poster... is my halo.
Out in the field...
Agent!Baldie: Dude, your brother's Jesus joke rocked. I laughed so hard.
Don's senses tell him something isn't right... *sniff sniff*
He's troubled... he's gotta make sure...
*sniff sniff*
Don: Dude... did you FART?
I think it's incredibly cute that their Dad owns a cockatoo.
And hey, these two are totally cute too!
Dad: Charlie... Charlie: Yeah? Dad: You've got a totally hot maths bitch next to you and you're talking about sex being not allowed. Are you gay or something? Charlie: Hmmm... Charlie: Ah, not right now. *moon* Beautiful, beautiful sex, people. That's all I'm going to say. Beautiful sex.
Don: Ye-hello? Who? What? What are you talking about? What does the colour of my underwear have to do with anything? Huh? NO! I'm not saying "Touch me, Pixie, please"!
Charlie: Wow. There are some sick people out there. At least they're not calling me.
Charlie: Anyway - pervy phone calls aside. I have some important data to show you! It's a matter of life and death! Charlie: See that? It's two percent! In a CIRCLE! Charlie: That means answers.(Don't try to make sense of it, I'm being random...)
Later in his room of working things out:
Charlie: Hello, Charlie Eppes speaking. Who? Nancy? Excuse me? Er... blue. Uhm... briefs. Why are you... Oh my...
Charlie: ...uh-huh. Right. So, what else would you- Yeah? Keep going...
Later:
Don: Hello. Hey Charlie. Don: You what? She said WHAT? Don: ... !!! Don: Dude! You're not supposed to get into pervy phone calls! I don't care how good she is! Who CARES if she sounds sexy over the phone? I'm hanging up!!Charlie, Charlie. You need lessons in heterosexuality. A few of feet to the RIGHT. Then shake head vigourously. All jokes aside (yes, I'm actually doing serious commentary here - hold onto your hats!) I'm so glad this violent anti-social asshattery behaviour ended here. I like the mystefied, soft, deeply-thinking nerd MUCH better.
Charlie. Wet. *thunk* First episode and they're servin' up the goods like a five star restaurant...
I don't think Charlie realises he looks like Ralph Maggio here.
Charlie: Hey Math!Sensei Larry.
Math!Sensei: Heh. You're wet! Charlie: Yes. It's raining. Math!Sensei: Yeeeeeees.....Awww! Charlie has his very first "I suck!" moment!
Charlie: Woah! I'm desaturating! Colour draining! I must be about to have an idea!
Don: Hello? Pixie! For the last time, I'm not saying it!
Charlie: They go away if you give them what they want.
Don: [to Charlie] Shut up, you little perve.
Suspect: Hey. I'm the bad guy. Have I left enough evidence conveniently lying around for you to gnab me yet?
Don: Hmmm... let's see. Knife, check. Blow-torch, check. Cigarettes, check. You're a gourmet chef and would therefore most likely cook black truffles... check. Knife with weird butt... and we're good to go. You've got the right to remain silent...
*SUFFOCATES*
Terry: You crazy bitch! Didn't your mother ever tell you not to play with plastic bags?!
Don: OMG, TERRY LOVE OF MY LIFE! ARE YOU OKAY?!
Terry: I'm fine. Holy shit, take a chill pill, Don. It's not that hard to climb through a fucking window. You're the one around the knives and the fighting! Yeesh!
And here Charlie has the first sweet taste of success, the sugary warm glow of doing good for one's community. And looking totally fucking hot while he's at it.
I'd like to thank Hilary and http://numb3rs-online.net for providing the screen caps! Gracias!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:13 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:17 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:52 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:41 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 11:53 am (UTC)Riff-Raff: Youuuu're wet.
Janet: Yes. It's raining.
Riff-Raff: Yeeeeees...
And dude. I couldn't not Don/Terry if I tried. Why did she have to leave the show? WHHYYYYYY?!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 12:11 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 12:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 12:49 pm (UTC)Hey, I've got a mini-mission to send out holiday cards this year to the people on my friends-list and I'm trying to get addys. Would you like to friend back so I could send you one?
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 01:34 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 12:50 pm (UTC)Charlie: See that? It's two percent! In a CIRCLE!
Most fabulous thing in the history of ever. Poor Charlie, nobody will ever fully appreciate your genius.
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 01:16 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 04:20 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 04:31 pm (UTC)Glad you enjoyed it, though!
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 06:39 pm (UTC)Charlie: See that? It's two percent! In a CIRCLE! *g*
Don: La la la la la... have a good look fangirls. I'm wet! *thud* ;)
(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-08 03:01 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-07 08:39 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-08 03:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2005-11-13 03:44 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-09 04:46 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-09 05:02 am (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2006-03-09 05:17 am (UTC)