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Why do I let the pain go on?
Oct. 11th, 2007 09:38 pmI was sitting in front of my computer this afternoon. It's all I really do anymore. I used to go out - walking, looking for work, being in a course, whatever I was into at the time. Now, I just sit as still as I can for as long as I can. If I move, it hurts.
When I don't move, it hurts. I was sitting there in ridiculous amounts of pain thinking, "Why do I put up with this?" And then I had the awful realisation that there was NO CHOICE for me, that there was nothing for me to do but wait and put up with it. I have drugs that don't work, I can take those. They give me side-effects that distract me from the pain. That's okay.
I don't want to get addicted again though. I know I will, it's a depressing thought. I don't want to take the drugs, but I have no choice there either.
When I don't move, it hurts. I was sitting there in ridiculous amounts of pain thinking, "Why do I put up with this?" And then I had the awful realisation that there was NO CHOICE for me, that there was nothing for me to do but wait and put up with it. I have drugs that don't work, I can take those. They give me side-effects that distract me from the pain. That's okay.
I don't want to get addicted again though. I know I will, it's a depressing thought. I don't want to take the drugs, but I have no choice there either.
