Apr. 1st, 2006

logansrogue: (gnostic stigmata patricia arquette)
I'm feeling the muse upon me. "The MUSE is UPON ME! Bring me a small LYRE!" (Small liar, small liar!). Anyway.

I've found some ideas are fire. They're like fire. They ignite and they burn and you have absolutely no control over them. Sometimes you *don't* want to control them, because they're so beautiful and warm and they fill you with awe. You can't believe that you can either contribute to or cause something so awesome and so simply wonderful. Sometimes someone else started the fire, but you want to keep it going, keep it burning, and you'll throw whatever you have into it to keep it going.

I love that. I love that aspect of creativity. I like that we can make an event, but we don't control it. We think we do, we can pontificate and pretend we do, but we don't. We even feel so damned clever and proud of ourselves, but we're merely passing on something that we heard, or something that we noticed. It was already there, we just called attention to it.

Sometimes the idea of a character, or a character, will grip me so hard that I have hardly any control of myself. Greek Gods have always deeply affected me. I always liked Ares when I was a kid. I liked the idea of him. Don't know why, cause, you know me - I was a very pacifistic, gentle little girl (and I still am in a lot of ways).

Perhaps it's because the elemental things that Ares represents are things I am sadly lacking in my personality, things I need to do what I have to do in this life. Impetuousness, fire, ambition, selfishness, lust, that bullheaded confidence that gets the silly God into all sorts of messes. I had this real clear idea of him in my head when I was a girl of eleven, twelve. I wrote that Athena and him had a thing, but that's cause Xena hadn't happened yet. And then when it did, and I saw Ares? I was delighted. It was just who needed to be Ares. Anyway, this character has sort of lived in my head for a very long time indeed. It's not surprising, I mean, it's a very strong archetype, isn't it? Not overly original or unique, not even that *likeable*, yet I love the thought of him to bits. It's so odd, the things that grip our imaginations, isn't it?

I'm going to *try* to work on some of my Xena fic tonight. It's the only fic I have that's not eaten up by the Laptop of Sadness (awaiting the files to be retrieved of). I think I get in love with ideas, if that makes sense. Some ideas I'm so enamoured of I pay more attention to them than to life. I guess cause life happens, no matter what, but the ideas don't gain substance unless I put it into them. They're just floating specks of inspiration.

Fuck, I need to cut back on drugs, I think. But I've been in a hell of a lot of pain this week. It's very, very tiresome. And I've read something like three or four Poirot stories, and I've finally found a point where I have say "Time for a break". Cause I don't like watching him grow old. I adore him all too much for that. The strange, adorably bizarre little man!
logansrogue: (Poirot bitch please!)
Wow, that's a quote ref from some time back. EEP! NEW ICON! I love it! *hugs it to her chest and peppers kisses upon it* I'm sure M. Poirot would NEVER say anything so vulgar or low, but you know what? That's why those words next to his superior little mug are SO COOL. Tee-hee! Look at his neat little moustache! *giggle* Aah, I love it.
logansrogue: (Barbarella Afterglow)
You are like the best, most delicious sex. *melts*

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