Day one of recovery...

Well, technically day two but I'm only twenty-three minutes into day two.

Despite the fact that I'm here typing, I can't tell you what pain I'm in. Even my cheeks hurt at times. On my face. I'm sick of staying in one spot all the time, I really am. I'm sick of feeling so crap, and of my guts hurting like the fuck, and I'm totally sick of not being able to get up and do what I want. Geez. And I thought it was bad when I just had the endo. Fuck.

Plus I'm totally pissed off that I have to go through this all again. I can't answer people's messages yet, I'm still in too much pain. I have a heat pack on my shoulder as I type this. I got really depressed just now, sitting in the dark lounge room all on my own. I figured I had to get up, do stuff, get my mind off of shit. I guess I was sad cause I figured I'd have to go through this shit for the rest of my life. Cause it's endo - it never goes away, right?

I felt all suicidal. Then I realised that other people have it WAY worse than I do, and to stop being such a fucking baby. I guess it's just the total illness I'm feeling right now that's getting me down. Plus I'm grieving.

I so wish I didn't have endo. God. Why couldn't I have been wrong? Why couldn't I have had irritable bowel or something, something that I can cure?

But again, there's no use asking questions or bitching cause it doesn't change anything. I just have to do what I can to recover. It's my life, I want it to be a good one, and I just have to put extra effort in for that, extra strength and determination. I keep telling myself that I can do this, that it's easy. I've gone through the worst of this the first time around. Then there's a second time around, and it'll be worse cause there'll be burning bits away. But I'll get better - bodies heal. And then I can run again, and play and sing and be the super amazing vital person I was before this took over my life. I keep telling myself that, cause it's what's keeping me going.

And you guys. I thanked you before, I could never stop thanking you. Really. It means the world to me.

Onto some fangirling, cause I fangirl therefor I am. Have been totally enjoying Promethea (the comics). Very educational with magic and stuff. The Kabbalah magic is totally confusing, but the Tree of Life still intrigues me. Don't worry - I'm not turning into Madonna.

I should probably lie down again. I don't really want to. I feel like I want to have the hugest fart of my life. I know that's TMI but dude, I am so full of fucking gas. I hate this shit.

All right. I'm going to be a good girl and try to get some rest. Love youse alls.

PS - Even my NECK hurts!!!