When did my life turn to shit?
Jun. 1st, 2001 01:58 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
I guess I'm in one of those moods. One of those "Talk to me and you'll hear about how fucked up my life is" moods. Warning - you may want to read another livejournal that's chirpy and about insanely stupid things (which is what mine is usually about), because this journal entry is going to sound like a depressive goth's up day.
Private life - go get a book. I don't need to tell you about that. Just rest assured, if there's a way to fuck up a perfectly fine relationship for no reason at all, I'll find that way, stumble down it and totally blast the crap out of that relationship until it's in little bits.
I've taken my pills. I still feel like sticking myself with sharp things. Been crying all night. Wish I knew how to stop.
Was writing stories for a while. Had to stop cause they depressed me. They were really nice you know? Happy stuff. Love stuff. Hate love. Doesn't exist.
Stood in the shower tonight, realised with a dull resounding thud that I'll be single for an achingly long time - probably till I'm 30 - because I have no idea how to get along with people.
Guy I was chatting to in Sydney said some things in a letter that clued me in to the fact that I'm probably better off without him. Yay.
Stupid thing was, for a while, I was totally convinced I was actually in love with the guy. I am such a stupid fuck.
Printing up comic mags to send off today. I owe my Dad SO much money. I have none. I have no job prospects. Am 21, haven't started a band yet. Supposed to be this great singer person in my head, you know? Had heaps a people go "Wow, you're gonna be famous one day! You're talented! You're gonna go some where."
That's really nice, but right now I don't see myself going anywhere. I'm a lazy shit that thinks too much and I'm depressive. Yep, I'm gonna go all the way.
My parents can't afford to let me stay at home any more. I'll have to move out, live on the dole, pay my father back at the same time. This means I'll be living in a house with strangers with no computer, no guitar, no piano, no anything, trying to live.
God help me I'll be broke the rest of my life.
Still haven't stopped crying yet. Haven't found anyone that cares yet either.
Wondering when the hell I turned into Marvin the Paranoid Android. Contrary to popular belief, I hate being depressed.
Mum gone to bed. Am alone. Great.
Have 16 prints to print. Shall go print them now. Won't sleep tonight - too sad.
Private life - go get a book. I don't need to tell you about that. Just rest assured, if there's a way to fuck up a perfectly fine relationship for no reason at all, I'll find that way, stumble down it and totally blast the crap out of that relationship until it's in little bits.
I've taken my pills. I still feel like sticking myself with sharp things. Been crying all night. Wish I knew how to stop.
Was writing stories for a while. Had to stop cause they depressed me. They were really nice you know? Happy stuff. Love stuff. Hate love. Doesn't exist.
Stood in the shower tonight, realised with a dull resounding thud that I'll be single for an achingly long time - probably till I'm 30 - because I have no idea how to get along with people.
Guy I was chatting to in Sydney said some things in a letter that clued me in to the fact that I'm probably better off without him. Yay.
Stupid thing was, for a while, I was totally convinced I was actually in love with the guy. I am such a stupid fuck.
Printing up comic mags to send off today. I owe my Dad SO much money. I have none. I have no job prospects. Am 21, haven't started a band yet. Supposed to be this great singer person in my head, you know? Had heaps a people go "Wow, you're gonna be famous one day! You're talented! You're gonna go some where."
That's really nice, but right now I don't see myself going anywhere. I'm a lazy shit that thinks too much and I'm depressive. Yep, I'm gonna go all the way.
My parents can't afford to let me stay at home any more. I'll have to move out, live on the dole, pay my father back at the same time. This means I'll be living in a house with strangers with no computer, no guitar, no piano, no anything, trying to live.
God help me I'll be broke the rest of my life.
Still haven't stopped crying yet. Haven't found anyone that cares yet either.
Wondering when the hell I turned into Marvin the Paranoid Android. Contrary to popular belief, I hate being depressed.
Mum gone to bed. Am alone. Great.
Have 16 prints to print. Shall go print them now. Won't sleep tonight - too sad.