Motherfuckers!

[logansrogue]

Okay, so I got my diazepam and I called SARC and had a healthy long bawl and bitch and moan about everything. The lady told me I was dealing with everything really well, that I was dealing with a lot and that I didn't sound in the least bit crazy. Which is nice cause I don't want to be crazy. (Who does?)

But but, I am currently fucking high on diazepam cause the doctor told me to take it. Oh. My. GOD. Talk about fucking overkill. I feel so fucking dizzy and stupid. It's like I'm trashed on alcohol or something. Mum's like, "Go with it. Enjoy it." And I'm like, "How can I possibly PRODUCE when I'm like this? I can't get anything done when I can't even think straight!" I can't write like this, I can't think. But the lady on the phone said that I was putting too much pressure on myself. That I needed to give myself time to heal and stuff, and that everyone goes through this trauma thing differently.

Dr. Myers is on board and she knows how serious my problems are so she's going to try to see me as soon as possible. I could kiss her or something. Crying has been helpful. I obviously need to do more of it.

Oh great. Now I'm tired. Maybe I can kip on the couch or something.

Mum said she'd help me clean my room. I have the best Mum ever.

I had a dream last night that, I swear, was solid Doctor Lovin'. We were having adventures - I love having adventures with him. And then every now and again he kissed me, which was like "YES WOOHOO!" LOL. In my silly dreams the Doctor thinks I'm wonderful. Silly dreams, but they make me wake up with a smile on my face and that's something.

ARRRRRGH! This diazepam is shit. Too too much. Half a fuckin' tab next time, I swear.

Comments

[nephron.livejournal.com]

I swear you are the woman with the least downer tolerance I know.

I'm glad to hear you're feeling (a bit) better :)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Dude, I'm the woman with the least EVERYTHING tolerance. Half a glass of wine and I'm pissed, half a tab of sudafed and I'm bouncing off the walls! Fuck sudafed! A cup of coffee has me bonkers!

I'm a bit more used to it now but I don't know if I like living this blitzed. Can't wait to get regular psychiatric help.

[nephron.livejournal.com]

Well, it's not such a bad thing to be blitzed for a little while while you recover.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'm a control freak. I hate being high sometimes. But right now it's not so bad. I'm watching Mythbusters. Hehehehe. :D

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

You and me, babe. When I take Klonopin (clonazepam) for my anxiety, I usually take half a small dose (0.25 mg instead of 0.5), and only at bedtime, because it makes me seriously woozily. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Anxiety fucking sucks. Crushing depression also sucks. I gotta say, that "Whee, everything's great!" feeling *is* a bit of a nice break from the doomy gloom I have been feeling in the past few days.

[greenforest-elf.livejournal.com]

you mean THE Dr Myers????

She is an amazing woman, her house/garden/office is so peaceful and healing.

*HUGS U TIGHT* I miss u babe! Im sure to be back online more soon, just trying to find myself after being with someone 14 yrs - its a new life for me thats for sure!!!!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yes, the one you recommended to me. I can't wait to see her, she sounds wonderful, and she was so sweet on the phone to me.

Dude, I totally understand. Enjoy the experience. I think finding yourself again can be one of the most empowering and rewarding processes you can have. Not easy, but totally worth it in the end. :)

[dark-joxer.livejournal.com]

Hey there!

I'm sorry that the medication is making you feel so blitzed, but I'm glad to hear that the psych is working out!!!

But I have to say, Nancy, that there are a lot of people in the real world that think you are wonderful, as well as the ones you dream up while slumbering!!! I can name at least half a dozen off the top of my head without even having to think about it - and I'm not even counting people you know online! You have a HUGE fanclub of people who love and care about you. I just wanted to remind you of that fact. Anyway, I'll leave that thought with you and sign off for now.