Random hypothetical.

[logansrogue]

I was looking at pictures of cute men on the net and there was one boy of 18 who said he liked older women and it lead to a thought... Is it hideously obscene for an older woman to date a younger man? I mean, what's the age difference between Hugh Jackman and his wife? Is it really acceptable for it to be the other way around?

My gut feeling is that the younger party should be free to develop on their own, cause dating an older person puts pressures on them that they wouldn't ordinarily have to face until they were that age themselves. I don't think it's wrong, per se, it's just not ideal for the younger party. My sister Helen thinks it's WRONG WRONG WRONG to date younger men, only because she thinks men are so immature or something. Or slower at mentally developing than women or something. I'm probably grossly misrepresenting her views on the matter.

Some part of my mind can't help but fantasize about a handsome younger man just aching to pleasure an older woman. To look favourably upon her experience and her wisdom. I guess that's one of those fantasies for smut novels and porn movies.

Comments

[boomstick.livejournal.com]

Age =/= maturity.

I am 26. My boyfriend is 34 and he says I'm one of the most mature, together, with-it people he's ever met, including people older than him.

I was worried about our age difference at first, but I feel like as long as you're in similar places in life and at similar maturity levels, go for it.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, I agree. I'm just looking at the cringe people have with the older woman/younger man scenario.

[wiccarowan.livejournal.com]

Nobody ever asks if it's OK for older guys to date younger women. If you go on dating websites, you often get blokes in the 40+ age bracket looking for women 18-30. It's seen as normal. So I don't see why it should be such a big deal the other way round.

Having said that, I dated a 19-year-old when I was 27 and there were problems. He was pretty immature in a lot of ways, although to be honest I'm not sure if he'd have been any more mature at 29 or 39 than at 19. The main issue was the experience gap - I was working because I had a mortgage to pay. He earned money then immediately spent it on STUFF cos he still lived with his mum who didn't expect him to contribute at all.

Pros of a cute young guy though - very pretty, huge amounts of energy and enthusiasm, not yet reached that mid-20s "I woke up and suddenly I'm a fat bastard" thing that a lot of guys get. If you're considering just having a toy boy for sex, I'd said most definitely GO FOR IT.

[shrydar.livejournal.com]

Nobody ever asks if it's OK for older guys to date younger women.

I don't think I agree with that - I've come across plenty of people who think it's skeezy. Personally I think it's more a matter for the individuals concerned (at least once they're out of high school!).

The thing about (compatible if not identical) life stages is considerably more important - and being the same age is no guarantee of that.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd date a younger man with the idea of long-term stuff in mind. No point. They're not interested in kids at that age and if they are, they're usually not my type.

I was just musing on the idea of a hedonistic romp, really.

[sir-devans.livejournal.com]

I don't think I'd date a younger man with the idea of long-term stuff in mind.

Devestated.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was talking about a man ten years younger!

[sir-devans.livejournal.com]

Not so devestated.

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

For me it's a) HOW big a gap it would be and b) how old the younger party was. A 18 year old going out with a 28 year old would trigger my 'uhoh' button more than a 28 year old going out with a 38 year old. I mean, an 18 year old's practically still a teenager and there would be the worry that the older party would take advantage of the 18 year old's realitive immaturity/ lack of life experiences etc.

Looking at wiccarowan talking about dating a much younger person reminds me of why I feel a gulf between Drhoz and I and many of the younger (ie 18~20 years old) Furries in Perth. They're all 'lets go out and have parties on work nights etc' and call us party poopers when we don't participate. I guess if we didn't have full-on full-time jobs and not having to worrying about mortgages and stuff, we would feel up to partying and be able to drop everything to fly to the furry cons in Melbourne. *Shakes fists* Damn kids get off my lawn!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I feel similarly to you.

I'm stuck between the both of those worlds. I don't have the huge responsibilities of mortgages or long-term relationships, so I want to party and have fun, but my body isn't as it was when I was 19 or 20, so I no longer get schnockered or stay up ridiculously late on a regular basis.

[erikarn.livejournal.com]

Sometimes maturity is not the focal point of your desires.

Don't worry, she'll get older, and hopefully never discover why it is some older women desire younger men.

(I've "been there, done it" a few times, and it's certainly an interesting experience. After all, it isn't -always- just about the sex, and there's definitely a gulf between pre-30 yo guys and post-30 yo girls..)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Helen is older than me by quite a bit! She's in her early forties! LOL!

[alya1989262.livejournal.com]

... I'm dating a boy two years younger than me.

But I agree that there're maturity issues. The exceptions are rare; most young men are incredibly insecure and that tends to be annoying in a relationship. Not to mention sleeping with younger guys is often a recipe for unsatisfying sex.

[zzzzsleep.livejournal.com]

In all honesty, I think it depends on the people in question. I'm sure there are some mature 18 year olds out there, just like there are some guys in their 30s who really need to grow the fuck up.

According to one internet rumour, your lower dating limit should be half your age and then add 7. There's a huge discussion of it at http://theferrett.livejournal.com/1214642.html

Enjoy!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

23? But I'm 29! That's no fun. :( There are so many hot 20 year olds out there!

[zzzzsleep.livejournal.com]

Well.... there is another theory that women hit their sexual peak at about 30 while men hit theirs when they're about 18, so take take whatever you can get!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I was mostly kidding. I don't think I could actually get jiggy with someone that young, I'd feel weird about it.

[zzzzsleep.livejournal.com]

I think that's the idea behind the half your age plus seven. I know I'd definitely feel weird (if I was available) hooking up with a 22 year old (ack! Only 12 years older than my eldest daughter!).

[coell.livejournal.com]

That's the whole thing about cougars, right? I think it used to be considered weird, but it takes popular media to make anything fun and/or normal. If you're in your 20-30's, you're pre-cougar, or bobcat. ^_^

The young men who prefer older women (cougar bait) get the benefits of sexual experience, no desire to have kids or trap in marriage, and stability emotionally and financially. So I don't think there's a problem with the boys, and the women get to show off a young lover in his sexual prime.

I'm for it! ;-)

[ausizoro.livejournal.com]

as a youngish male i have a preference for older women, i find that the conversations are more fulfilling, and they are more settled in life.


but saying that 99% of my ex's are younger............

[mawaridi.livejournal.com]

I think it's pretty ridiculous to make sweeping statements about the appropriateness of adult relationships based on age, honestly. There's so much about the individual people and their maturity/temprament, both partners' expectations of what the relationship involves and will lead to, the size of the age gap, the age of each of the people involved, that is important that saying "women of X age shouldn't date men younger than Y" seems silly to me.

It's also interesting how much more anxious we are about women dating younger men than men dating younger women, which is seen as the norm. My boyfriend is 28, and I am 23. The five year age-difference is seen as totally normal by everyone I've met, and nobody ever questions it or says it's weird. We have similar maturity levels and are at reasonably similar points in our lives. A female friend of mine who is also 23 recently started dating a guy who is 19. The age difference between them is actually smaller than the one between me and my partner, and yet I (and other friends of mine who I've spoken to about this) initially felt weird about them dating because he was younger than her. It's ridiculous, of course, they're just as suited to each other as me and R, and I got over feeling weird about it pretty quickly. But it probably wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest if she was the 19-year-old and he was the 23 -year-old.

There are certainly some situations where age gaps bother me, but it's usually not because of the gap, per se, but because of the people involved.

[hotclaws.livejournal.com]

I have a toyboy.

[pooxs.livejournal.com]

my nan is a year older than my granddad, my mother is a year older than Dad. my sister is dating a boy 6yrs younger (she's 27, he's 21, I'm 24), her friend, Jane, has recently gotten engaged to her 5yrs younger partner (he asked). if they don't have an issue with it it doesn't matter.

for me, if I was to date someone 5 or 6 years younger than me they could have been my students, which is just wrong. not to mention that most boys who are 18-24 are immature idiots so I wouldn't want to date them even if the age thing wasn't an issue due to my job

[purrdence.livejournal.com]

Oh gods yes.

[sir-devans.livejournal.com]

Age doesn't really matter to me in the hypothetical 'someone else' sense. And if I met a young girl (obviously at least 18) who I was genuinely attracted to, not just as a passing naughty thought, I might 'go for it'. But in general I would feel that I was probably taking advantage of an 18 or 19 yr old if I just radomly hooked up with them.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I dunno. I hooked up with a younger guy once and he totally took advantage of me. :T

[dark-joxer.livejournal.com]

Age is nothing but a number. There is a social stigma attached to dating people more than a few years up or down from yourself, but it's all crap. Age has no relevance at all to maturity. I've known a few REALLY immature people my own age (although mostly men) and I've known some very earthy younger women.

As to whether you should pursue that younger guy - I say, as long as it feels good or makes you feel good, without any legal ramifications, I say GO FOR IT!

Life is too short to stop doing things JUST because someone else says it might be wrong.

P.S. Hey there, no time no speak! Hope you and the family are doing well overall!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Yeah I was thinking about you the other day. You should come over some time, we'll organise it over email. :)

[dark-joxer.livejournal.com]

ooops. That should have read LONG time, no speak......