Quick message to my friends...

[logansrogue]

Okay dudes.

I just wrote this in kowren's journal:

Let me make something clear. I had no idea it was *you*, Karen, until yesterday when Tina had told me that you are 'kowren'. If you'd had said who you were in the first post, this would have been entirely different because I would expect you to be protective of your husband.

I'm very sorry that people have blown up at you in what has to be a difficult time. I've actually been worried about you all year. You were one of the first people I was concerned about, and the main reason why I didn't want to come out with this information. But I felt like I had to, so other women knew to be wary.

I know he's not a monster. But he has deep problems that need to be sorted out. It's more than just me, and I can't say that enough. Don't let this be about 'one moment' when he was weak. Weakness is not an aspect of assault. It was an attack, pure and simple.

I want him to be there for you and the baby. It's been foremost on my mind. I value family above all and please understand, the survival of your family has weighed heavily on my mind. So make sure he gets the help he needs, and make sure he lays it all on the table and is honest with himself for once. Again - more than me. It's a pattern of behaviour that needs to be dealt with.

I can't talk about this anymore. I can't live with waking up in dread as to what I'll get in my inbox. Please, please understand that I DO care about you and the baby and what happens to you. I'm sorry if that doesn't extend to your husband but right now, I need to be mad and I need to mentally scorn him. I'm sorry I lost my shit in these journals (mine and his) where anyone can see. That was really uncool of me and I heartily apologise.

Sorry has been said on his part. I've accepted. Let's just close this book and start healing.

So lets not leave any snarky comments either in my journal or his on my behalf. I'm pretty sure they've both suffered enough, and to be honest, I never wanted his wife to suffer. She's going through enough right now without me losing my shit at her, plus a bunch of people she doesn't even know. She's as much a victim as I am, as now all this horrible stuff has been brought into her marriage, and I mourn the loss of happiness that might bring to her. I'm sad that her Christmas has been marred this way. I'm as sad for her as I am for me.

I mean it, though. Let's just let this rest and start on the path to healing. It's Christmas, a time of forgiveness, of love, and of understanding and compassion.

Comments

[leviathan0999.livejournal.com]

First of all, you don't owe anybody any apologies. You did the right thing, first, last, always.

Second, there's a thing I've been wanting to say to you lately about forgiveness, that I didn't want to say yet, because it seemed to me that it would seem like telling you not to be angry, not to experience the feelings you're feeling. I want to be clear here: I'm not doing that, nor anything like that. But you've introduced forgiveness into this discussion, so it's worth mentioning this to you:

Forgiveness is not something you do for the person you forgive. It's not some boon you offer them. Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself. It's the laying down of a terrible, terrible weight, one which no-one can bear without discomfort. You can't set that weight down until you're ready, but please, recognize it for what it is, and recognize the laying it down for what it is.

[gemfyre.livejournal.com]

I've pretty much stayed out of this because it's just an ugly situation involving good friends.

But, I'm impressed with how noble you've been through the whole mess. There's absolutely no excuse for what happened, but you seem to be most interested in moving forward, which is best for everyone. *hugs*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I just want the best outcome for me, really. It's best for me to be a good person and not act like a cunt, and that is what I have to do to stay sane and feel good about myself. I also feel for Karen and the bub, that have to live with the consequences of this far more than I do.

Thank you, though, for the hugs and the support. I appreciate it.

[gracie-in-greek.livejournal.com]

<3 would you like me to take my comment to her yesterday down, sweetie?

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Nah man, it's cool.

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

Compassion for people who damage those around them is difficult. But it is often the difficult things that are most valuable.

If you want to feel anger, of course you should.
Butt you are a loving, compassionate, and forgiving person, and no one can take that away from you either.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

My butt is loving and compassionate? ;) (Thanks Dave! *hugs*)

[greteldragon.livejournal.com]

Its a very brave thing to write there. Which I have to say I'm admiring this. *hugs*

I say as someone who is shit at forgiveness in general.

[rodcub.livejournal.com]

Douggie's is :) *wink*

Shamefullly hangs her head.....

[(Anonymous)]

Thankyou for telling people to leave me alone I missed this post obviously and just went on and on.

Again I am sorry and I WILL leave it at that.

Hangs head in shame.....

[(Anonymous)]

Thankyou logansrouge for what you wrote.

And I AM sorry and I WILL leave it at that.

Kowren.

Re: Shamefullly hangs her head.....

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Karen - I told you to leave me alone. I fucking mean it.

Re: Hangs head in shame.....

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

It's okay, man, I know. If I swore before, it's because I want to move on already and just - forget this. I need my journal to be a safe space, and talking to you triggers my anxieties for some reason. Don't know why. I wish you luck in the future.