Bad mood. Bad mood time.

[logansrogue]

I slept in today. This already put me on the wrong foot. When I say slept in, I mean till THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON! No day to enjoy! I can't plant my bulbs because by the time I get my shit together, the sun is already down. Fuck it! Okay, so I accidentally read Agatha Christie's "The Big Four" until five in the morning (I didn't MEAN to!) but you'd think I'd sleep in till ten or twelve or something, right? No, I have a body that needs roughly ten hours sleep.

What is WRONG with me!? Why the hell do I sleep so much?!

Then my flist pissed me off today. Variable things. Iconrants filling up my pages with bitching. Someone dissing singing as being something needing less talent than dancing, requiring merely the control of pitch, volume, and having the luck of being born with a pretty voice. I'm really not in the mood to have my life's work being pissed on by peons.

I'm very upset that there are only two episodes of Doctor Who to go. I have a very bad feeling that Martha won't ever catch a break, and if she leaves after only one season I'll be really, REALLY upset. I like her. She has spunk! Ergo, something bad will probably happen to her cause I have this effect on things I like (eg. Harry/Hermione).

Nobody has really said much in response to my journal posts in the past few days. Usually this wouldn't bother me but I'm feeling very emotional right now (PMSing, I think) and I'm desperate for advice on my computer. So if you know anything about computers, please, please get back to me on it. I'm desperate!

I hate myself right now. I hate how I look, I hate my tummy, I hate everything. I hate my fat neck, my growing nose that will be fucking huge by the time I'm ancient, my face in general, my widening thighs, the fact that I'm hairier than a German porn star right now and the fact that my "WOAH HOT!" days are far, far behind me. I want to lose weight but I have such an apathy for life in general that I'm rather unwilling to cut off one of the few sources of pleasure I have left: Food. Food is a treat. Food is all I have left. I can't do drugs, I can't drink alcohol, I can't have sex because of various reasons (and with the endo it'd probably just HURT these days), there's so many things I CAN'T do because of chronic conditions. Food, sweet, delicious food, is one of the few things that brings me pleasure. Eating a particularly flavoursome cheese, making myself cookies, making the odd cake, nibbling on a piece of chocolate at the end of a day while reading a favourite novel - that's one of the few ways I treat myself. I don't eat a lot - why am I putting on weight? It could be bloating. I bloat very easily and I've had the worst gas imaginable for the past three or four days.

I'm just sick and I'm useless and I'm moody and I hate myself. I have no nice clothes, no nice anything. My hair looks crap, my face is sagging and my life is a fucking mess I can't figure how to get out of.

PMS. I'm PMSing something fierce. When I want to bawl for no reason, I know it's the hormones. I'm going to go cry for a while. And play Sims2. I'm pretty in The Sims. And Ares is my boyfriend. And I get regular visits from The Doctor and Martha and Jack. *sigh*

Speaking of which, I'm writing this fucking huge, complex arc in this RPG I'm on. And everyone gets involved with Greg's plot, which is fine - it's massive, way more massive than mine. And mine is more centred on me so I don't expect people to really be able to get involved as such. But I just *wish* I'd get a bit of feedback from time to time. Just so I know how I'm doing. Writing all this stuff and having it disappear into the aether, I just feel like I'm playing with myself in public. I feel like a fucking tool. *sigh*

Okay, I'm going - I'm going to distract myself till my mood improves. Oh, and my cat doesn't love me anymore either.

Comments

[shantari.livejournal.com]

I wish I could do something more, but all I can think of doing, is give you a e-hug. *hugs the hell out of you*

(And ba-psssh that dancing requires more talent than singing. You can have genetic disposition in that area too, you know.)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I know. I, for example, have a genetic disposition that makes it absolutely impossible for me to keep my balance. Hence, I am a bad, BAD dancer. LOL!

[starfyre01.livejournal.com]

I'm online if you want to chat.

{{{{Nancy}}}}

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Awww, bless! *hugs* I'm about to play Sims, if I can get all the stuff I want. I can chat a bit before that. I still have some downloading to do. :)

[rhyana.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Sweetie, you know I think you're lovely, talented and overall a kick-ass gal. Things will turn around.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Thanks. It was just one of those days, ya know what I mean?

[rhyana.livejournal.com]

Oh, yeah, I know. I'm at that stage right now, myself.

I will say this. The 20s for me were no picnic. I spent from 20 until 29 in a deep, deep depression. I'm better now, although the weight has started to creep up to *meep* levels and that has me starting to enter a tizzy. Need to hit the gym more.

[hanabishirecca.livejournal.com]

I know the feeling, at least to a degree. I'm writing a novel. This is something I'm very serious about doing. I'm spending a portion of my day, everyday, working towards publication. I have talked about the story itself. I have talked about process and how amazing it can be sometimes. In one post I talked about how I turned a crappy paragraph into four beautiful paragraphs during a rewrite.

I'm putting a lot of emotion into this process and I don't seem to get any responses. I got more responses in an LJ post on how I discovered I'm 4 Degrees of Separation from Paris Hilton than I do any of my writing posts.

As far as your more recent posts, I could probably comment on them. I just uninstalled the Sims 2. The Sims and the Sims 2 were (and are) great games. But I have so little time that it was something I just can't work towards. I haven't commented because a bit of fear in me is that if I start to talk about the Sims, I'll re-install it. And if I re-install it, I'll start losing my free time to it.

I do know a bit about computers. I don't know as much as I'd like to admit but I did get minor in Computer Science from College. I can try to help depending on the issue.

[cinnamon-kisses.livejournal.com]

Aww, darling.

I need ten hours of sleep, too, don't worry. Some people just take more time to recharge than others. Like cellphones. And, you know, we humans don't sleep enough as it is - we sleep less than pretty much any other mammal.

Dude, singing totally pwns dancing, and I know, as I was in a show choir.

And you have a beautiful voice, by the way. We were listening to you in the H/Hr chat. :P

I feel your PMSing pain. I'm there, too, or getting there. Right now I'm in the desperately horny stage, but I'm sure to be biting heads off by the afternoon.

*huggles*

We all love you still, even if your cat is fickle.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

You were listening to me in chat?! OMG! *laughs* You guys are far too sweet!

It's good to know I'm loved :D

[greenforest-elf.livejournal.com]

>and the fact that my "WOAH HOT!" days are far, far behind me

well thats total BULLSHIT and I should know as I only saw you a few weeks back miss!! ! !! !!!

*hugs* when I am better Im gonna take u out as this elfy is good at distarctingness :) lets pack a picnic and go to kings park or something and just escape for a bit!!!!!!

o o o and we MUST do the op shop dash soon too, dont need much money, very little actually, its just fun to look too :)

OMG any drunk fool can dance.... singing - now that is amazingly amazing talent I dont have a speck of!! I wish!!!!

I use to be tired all the time and regularily crash out for 10-12-14 hrs to recharge, like my body was saying - REST ALREADY! I had my thyroid tested and its screwed, along with some other stuff... Im on natural meds for it, no longer worn out and feel so much better (now to shake this flu thingo ughhh).

*hugs* u r awesomeness Nancy, dont let the fruitcakes of the world spoil the sweet cupcakes - theyre so rare these days

*elfy smooches*

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I want you to come to my birthday party! We can talk about girls there and you can meet my friends - I know they'll love you! It'll be a PIRATE party so you can wear your awesome stuff and you can see my booty again! :D

[coell.livejournal.com]

I know a teeny tad about computers - post what's up?

I'm sad for Martha too. She seemed to rock hard but I feel like the writers are dooming her. :-(

[asweetdownfall.livejournal.com]

NANCY. You are not useless. :(

[sparklinblossom.livejournal.com]

*hugs you* Swwetie, I love ya. *hugs again, to fight off the bad life bugs* You are worth it and a lovely girl! Don't let bad things beat you down, they'll eat you alive.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

They can try but I'll only give them a gut-ache! :D