Misogydouche Bullshit: MEDL's Red Alert.

So, a certain mobile phone app company has created a little app for a certain popular phone called "Red Alert".

The concept is to predict when a woman will be in certain phases of her menstrual cycle, so men can adjust their behaviour accordingly to deal with such uncontrollable, wild, terrifying creatures as us women. To quote the website:

“Code Red will be a life saver for thousands of guys out there,” said Kevin Harrison, Co-Creator, “Its each guys personal color coded Terror Alert System…”

Wait - what? Terror Alert System? Are mentruating women flying planes into buildings now?

ALERTS

• Smooth Sailing Alert --- Let’s you know when she’s feeling like a team player.
• Horny Alert --- Let’s you know when you’re able to score.
• PMS Alert --- Let’s you know when to hit the (cold) showers.
• Ovulation Alert --- Let’s you know when to sit on the sidelines (unless you’re ready to start a junior league).
• Code Red Alert --- Let’s you know that it’s game time and you’re way out of bounds.

Dude, if your alert for the go ahead to ask your partner for sex includes the words "team player", then you have WAY more problems than your crappy timing! But it's nice to know there are men out there that are eager to treat women as unreadable, mysterious animals that come in and out of heat without the ability to communicate to their potential sexual partners when they'd very much like to take part in sexy shenanigans.

And way out of bounds during Code Red? What? The vagina is the only way to have fun with your partner? There is no such thing as a blow job now? When I'm horny, Lord knows I love to satisfy a sexual partner, whether I'm able to take part in coitus or not. And do you know what? I get *really* horny during my periods. Figure that one out, douchebags.

Some features of this app:

Helpful suggestions to survive each phase

Links to local vendors for presents, groceries and goods (via Google Maps)

What?! WHAT? WHAT! *roflmao* Survive each *phase*? Yes, we menstrual women are just like dormant volcanoes erupting! Each of our phases need a SURVIVAL TACTIC. And to be quite frank, you can shove your presents where the sun don't shine. I like it when a man thinks of me when I'm having the less fun times of my month, but God damn if I don't despise the idea that all menstruating women need to be placated and shut up as a matter of course, to ease and encourage sexual access and congress.

“It’s good for everyone; It’s a giant step towards world peace.” –Lisi Harrison

Oh fuck off, Lisi Harrison. You and I both know VERY well that it's not grumpy menstrual women that are in the way of world peace. Greedy resource-hungry buttnuts are the problem and you fucking well KNOW it.

Thanks to unfunnybusiness for the heads up on this one.