Oh, Fuck You, Uterus.

I love being woken from a gentle slumber by the violent contortions of my bitchy reproductive system. I'm not just talking niggling little cramps, here. I'm talking the sort of cramps where you wake up, clutching your middle, thinking, "Oh my God, has it finally just exploded? Imploded? What the FUCK is going on down there?!" Even though you've been having periods for roughly fifteen years now.

I'm sorry, did I say "love"? I meant, "thoroughly dislike". It's not hate, because hating one's body is sort of a self-defeating behaviour.

Ah fuck it. Cramp came on. Okay, I hate it. ARGH!

I have Wolverine's missing uterus.

I swear I do.

I've had two doses of Ponstan today, seven hours apart. Two doses of Dolased (10mg Codeine, 500mg paracetamol and then some of that doxywhatsit stuff). And it is STILL hurting and cramping.

I'm going to have to break out the chamomile tea. I am going to be so fucking stoned. What the hell - I'm ALREADY high as Carl Sagan on a Saturday night.

And STILL my uterus roars on.

FlashForward

Woah, Norrington!!

Ads I hate right now.

The Pure Blonde ad with the dove that keeps running into the wall. I love birds and that just shits me.

And the Chrysler Jeep "Spring Break" ad, equating young women on Spring Break with cheap cars on sale. Cheap slut puns abound.