Grumble, grumble.

Tired. This post will be in point form.

• I've spent the last two days trying to fix my Sims. I accidentally wiped out my beautiful downloads with a re-install. Now I've got a few meshes to go before I'm at the point I was before. I really want some elegant but funky separates, but it doesn't seem anybody MAKES those. It's all couture full outfits. Fuck it!



• I've discovered the joy of Sims accessories. I've bedecked my Martha in funky earrings and necklaces. Lookin' good, sweetie! :D



• Don't ever pay for subscriber or paysite content again. I've been able to fill my computer with stuff, both pay and free content, thanks to http://paysites.mustbedestroyed.com The Pirates are a bunch of fucking HEROES. Oh, and don't go crazy on Peggy meshes unless you have a fast computer.



• Speaking of which - my puter, it doth suck. What's a good CPU to have these days? I have ... an ACPI processor thingo? I don't know. I don't know what the hell is running on this thing. Scotty says that it's probably the CPU that makes the computer so slow, particularly with the games. We have a quarter of the main drive free and it STILL drags its arse. The Sims takes like five to ten minutes to load, man! It takes me an hour to get started with all the shit! What are we going to do when Spore comes out? We need a new CPU. It's my birthday wish this year (last year was the extra RAM so now I'm running on a gig of it - I want more though. Bigger is better, hwah!). Are they expensive? Are they hard to change? Mum and Paul are very good with computers and can change things. I just want a normal speed computer. And to be able to run Photoshop CS2 without this thing pissing its pants!



• I've done nothing and I feel totally useless. Like I'm wasting time. But at the same time I'm in this really weird mode where I can't face working on anything. Like my brain has had a melt-down and all I want right now is to relax and have space to enjoy myself. I don't know WHY, and it's wasting time cause I'm not going to have this free time forever. Probably doesn't help that I've had the WORST gut cramps for two days and whenever I eat I'm in agony. Fucking periods. I'm bloated as a dead whale.



• Oh, and WAY TO NOT PAY ME, Centrewank! You guys can expect to hear from me tomorrow. Seriously.



• I really really really really want Sims Pets and Sims Seasons. Cause dude - it RAINS! It snows! And your dog PLAYS IN THE RAIN! I could download it, but I don't think I have the CPU power to handle that many EPs. *sigh*

Bad mood. Bad mood time.

I slept in today. This already put me on the wrong foot. When I say slept in, I mean till THREE O'CLOCK IN THE AFTERNOON! No day to enjoy! I can't plant my bulbs because by the time I get my shit together, the sun is already down. Fuck it! Okay, so I accidentally read Agatha Christie's "The Big Four" until five in the morning (I didn't MEAN to!) but you'd think I'd sleep in till ten or twelve or something, right? No, I have a body that needs roughly ten hours sleep.

What is WRONG with me!? Why the hell do I sleep so much?!

Then my flist pissed me off today. Variable things. Iconrants filling up my pages with bitching. Someone dissing singing as being something needing less talent than dancing, requiring merely the control of pitch, volume, and having the luck of being born with a pretty voice. I'm really not in the mood to have my life's work being pissed on by peons.

I'm very upset that there are only two episodes of Doctor Who to go. I have a very bad feeling that Martha won't ever catch a break, and if she leaves after only one season I'll be really, REALLY upset. I like her. She has spunk! Ergo, something bad will probably happen to her cause I have this effect on things I like (eg. Harry/Hermione).

Nobody has really said much in response to my journal posts in the past few days. Usually this wouldn't bother me but I'm feeling very emotional right now (PMSing, I think) and I'm desperate for advice on my computer. So if you know anything about computers, please, please get back to me on it. I'm desperate!

I hate myself right now. I hate how I look, I hate my tummy, I hate everything. I hate my fat neck, my growing nose that will be fucking huge by the time I'm ancient, my face in general, my widening thighs, the fact that I'm hairier than a German porn star right now and the fact that my "WOAH HOT!" days are far, far behind me. I want to lose weight but I have such an apathy for life in general that I'm rather unwilling to cut off one of the few sources of pleasure I have left: Food. Food is a treat. Food is all I have left. I can't do drugs, I can't drink alcohol, I can't have sex because of various reasons (and with the endo it'd probably just HURT these days), there's so many things I CAN'T do because of chronic conditions. Food, sweet, delicious food, is one of the few things that brings me pleasure. Eating a particularly flavoursome cheese, making myself cookies, making the odd cake, nibbling on a piece of chocolate at the end of a day while reading a favourite novel - that's one of the few ways I treat myself. I don't eat a lot - why am I putting on weight? It could be bloating. I bloat very easily and I've had the worst gas imaginable for the past three or four days.

I'm just sick and I'm useless and I'm moody and I hate myself. I have no nice clothes, no nice anything. My hair looks crap, my face is sagging and my life is a fucking mess I can't figure how to get out of.

PMS. I'm PMSing something fierce. When I want to bawl for no reason, I know it's the hormones. I'm going to go cry for a while. And play Sims2. I'm pretty in The Sims. And Ares is my boyfriend. And I get regular visits from The Doctor and Martha and Jack. *sigh*

Speaking of which, I'm writing this fucking huge, complex arc in this RPG I'm on. And everyone gets involved with Greg's plot, which is fine - it's massive, way more massive than mine. And mine is more centred on me so I don't expect people to really be able to get involved as such. But I just *wish* I'd get a bit of feedback from time to time. Just so I know how I'm doing. Writing all this stuff and having it disappear into the aether, I just feel like I'm playing with myself in public. I feel like a fucking tool. *sigh*

Okay, I'm going - I'm going to distract myself till my mood improves. Oh, and my cat doesn't love me anymore either.