Dear God...

[logansrogue]

Dear God,

I feel like being sick. Mainly because my breakfast so far has been half a cup of coffee over a nice antibiotic. The second reason, agitating the first, is that I'm up yonder Shite Creeke, without that proverbial paddle I really really need.

You know why, You know everything, but for my own peace of mind, let me go on, shall I?

I have an interview with my job network people on the 5th of December. That day was a Friday. I spent that day writhing in agony in various spots in the house (Kitchen, whilst trying to prepare heating devices for my stomach, or just swallowing ineffectual pain-killers, or sitting on the toilet just so my bowels could relax for two seconds and not cramp up, or just lying in bed wishing I could sleep off the cramps). The next day was the same - in fact I spent four days in total cramping in agony.

I don't know what You have against me, but Dude - that was one heavy period. I'm not used to periods like that. I'm not used to such pain. Usually it's one day of cramping - two at the most - and it's life as usual. But I accepted it. I knew I had a week to look for four jobs. I was cool.

I spend about two days or more relaxing and getting over the four most painful days of the year (or what I thought were). Thursday I go to a Popstars audition.

Friday I have tonsilitis.

Monday I'm toxic and need to see the doctor.

Thursday again, and I'm not violently ill anymore but I still can't eat more than a small serve of food at any one sitting without feeling sick. I don't know if it's these antibiotics or what, but it's taking me time to get my appetite back. The very thought of walking all the way into Fremantle makes me want to be sick all over again.

I entertain the thought of going, as maybe I'll collapse on the way there. And whilst I'm carted off in the ambulence, I'll have nice solid reasons why I couldn't make the interview.

They'll probably ask for my fucking application records anyway.

Sorry God, I know I shouldn't swear in front of You. Oh well - You know I do it anyway, right? Right. Honesty is the best policy, especially when keeping up relations with your One Awesome Deity.

Now, here's where I face a conundrum. I could just ring my job interview guy, and say, "Hey. Hi. Let me tell you about my rotten health issues the past two weeks, shall I?" But there are problems.

1) He's a guy. He so doesn't want to hear about my awfully bad period.
2) Tonsilitis. Tonsilitis. God - after cramps? This sounds like a High School Phys-Ed lesson letter.
3) I just wish I remembered that mother-fucking Doctor's Certificate on Tuesday!!
4) That certificate wouldn't have made up for Jack Shit because there's still a week of unaccounted time.
5) I don't even know if there's BEEN two weeks since the last meeting. No. I don't think there has been.
6) HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELP!! *sobs*

Dear, sweet, merciful God... you know I'm not slacking off, or being a lazy shit. You know that I really have been in awful health this past week and a half. Look at me. I'm so skinny I could be a supermodel. Except for the stomach. But still - you know that ain't right. Usually I'm chunky like Xena! I'm scared if I call my Jobsearch officer guy, he'll get pissy at me like they all did over that childcare debacle. I'm afraid of them all now, I don't trust them.

Anyway, I really am in deep manure. I know there are people in this world with far worse problems than mine. Some people don't have food, or money, or tickets to see Return of the King, or even know what Return of the King IS (Yes, I'm being humourous... it's my coping mechanism). But considering how miserable I've felt over the past while... can I please, pretty please, be given a break?

...?

Uhm.

Okay. *sigh* I hate life. But I don't hate You.

*waves* Till next time.

Your humble spark of something,
Nacey.

Comments

[mollymoon.livejournal.com]

I don't know what You have against me, but Dude - that was one heavy period. I'm not used to periods like that. I'm not used to such pain. Usually it's one day of cramping - two at the most - and it's life as usual. But I accepted it. I knew I had a week to look for four jobs. I was cool.

I spend about two days or more relaxing and getting over the four most painful days of the year (or what I thought were).

Hey Nacey,

I just started following your journal recently, but the statement above is one that I hear too often and know far to well.

The heart of the matter is, if you are ever experiencing pain during your period that forces you to change your daily habits you need to go to a gynaecologist asap. The long version can be found here and worth the read. As women, we tend to suffer in secret or assume that pain is normal. With the things that have happened to me, I do everything I can to try and educate others that there is no normal pain, ever.

Hope you are feeling better, and as far as the jobs go, why not just tell them that you've contracted the Big Bad Flu that is all over the news and you have to stay secluded until you're non-contagious? Hell, even telling them Strep Throat would work that way -- at my old job, if you had strep or even pink eye you were sent home until the doctor cleared you.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Usually I have one day of bad period cramps. It's been like that since I got the buggers. In our family, women get it strong. I know that if I go to a doctor, he's going to put me on the pill anyway. And I *don't* want that. It'll screw with my body chemistry like it did my sisters, and the last thing I need in my career is to gain twenty pounds, ya know? Usually, my periods are easily dealt with. I spend half a day cramping badly, and then the meds kick in and it's clear sailing. These recent ones were different, I'm not entirely sure why, and that'd probably warrant seeing a gyn. If my next one is as bad as this one, I will, but for now I'll just take it as a bad period.

Thanks for your concern though, you're so sweet. If I sound cranky, I'm not, and not at you, I just feel really tired and washed out and I know I have to get up and go into Fremantle, and I just want to cry. Bleh. *thunks head*

[mollymoon.livejournal.com]

I totally understand your concern about the Pill. Your doctor should at least keep you stocked with Tylenol 3 (Rx strength tylenol, non-narcotic), but since I do keep up with this area of the medical community, I feel obliged to point you towards a different type of BCP.

Normally, BCPs are estrogen based. A few years ago, one came out that had been working in Europe for years called Yasmin. The difference is that Yasmin is more progesterone based. I used it with no side effects, and I've rec'd it to women who had terrible problems with normal pills and now they swear by it. Might be worth a read.

Whatever you do though, never go on Depo Provera. There are long term, life changing side effects to that drug. It's not worth the convience.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Okay. It's probably superstitious of me, but I really worry about screwing around with my basic body chemistry. I only take ADs cause I know that my own chemistry is lacking so that it can't keep me sane sufficiently. (Stupid neurotransmiters). I just feel like my body was meant to be this way and by tooling around with chems I'm mucking things up.

But that's only cause I've heard bad stuff about those sort of pills for so long. But the way you describe it, it sounds cool.

[mollymoon.livejournal.com]

I just feel like my body was meant to be this way and by tooling around with chems I'm mucking things up.

Your body is never, ever meant to be in pain. Pain is, quite simply, the body's Giant Red Flashy Light of Doom(TM, patent pending) that something is wrong. It's the first alert system, the biological fire alarm. The Great Swirly Thing Alert.

Humor aside, periods were never biologically intended to be painful. It's not normal to be in pain, ever. The sad thing is as a society, that is exactly what we are taught. I've even met some people who were backward enough to think that disabilitating cramps were women's enduring legacy for Eve's first sin.

It took me seven years of doctor visits to find out what was wrong, to finally be told that I don't have to go through the gut-wrenching, scream-creating agony that was my life since age 11.

Pain is never normal.

If your wrist or foot hurt as bad as your belly did during your period, you'd go to a doctor right?

/steps off soapbox

Please don't ban me from your journal. I'll behave now and stick to praising your wonderful artwork.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Why the hell would I ban you? *laughs* Honey, you're just giving me advice, I'd never get angry at you for that! *smiles* Stick around, I like you, you have interesting things to say, and I'll keep what you say in mind. Thank you!

Hugs!

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Oh, and another thing: You're free to disagree with me in my journal. I disagree with a lot of my good friends. It's perfectly fine, I find it very enriching to my life experience to listen to other people's views and understand them (even if I don't agree with them).

There was one girl I was friends with for a while that I wildly disagreed with, but I only kicked her off my friends list because she used to announce that I disagreed with her over her journal in public posts. Which is like - fuh the WUH?! But that's the only time I can even remember having a problem with someone on here, and that's not really disagreeing with someone, that's someone being an ass.

So yeah - feel at home here, discuss what you like, I don't mind :)

depo

[pooxs.livejournal.com]

im on depo ralovera. i dont get periods. the only bad maybe long term thing is itll take me "3-6 months" (in other words about a year) to get my fertility back.

however, other side effects ive heard about (thank god i was the 1 in 3 lucky ones that lost my period all together, and didnt get any of these side effects), spotting continuously, massive weight gain - as in more than the pill, brings on depression.

Re: depo

[mollymoon.livejournal.com]

You are very lucky indeed to be one of the ones who didn't have side effects. A friend's sister used it for over 5 years and lost one of her ovaries to calcification (read: hardening of the ovary).

There are alternatives to Depo now though. If you talk to a doctor, they can prescribe any monocyclic BCP on a "continuous" or quarterly basis. Meaning that you take the active pill for nine weeks, then take the inactive pill on the 10th week. That would give you only about 5 periods per year.

Also, there are monocyclic birth control patches available now, though the name escapes me at the moment. The same sort of quarterly periods can be done with those, and I hear that they work very well.

Why would you want to take BCPs like this? Well, its damn convient to start with and secondly, its better for your health as well. While the direct causes of endometriosis and poly-cyctic ovarian syndrome are not known, it is a fact that the less periods you have, the less likely you are to develop those diseases. Consider this fact: Before 1920 (the age when diaphrams and condomes became widely available), women had only 200-300 periods in a lifetime. Now we average 400-500.

Sorry for rambling in your journal Nacey, but this is a subject near and dear to my heart and I couldn't resist one more reply.

I will end this by saying that if anyone has questions about BCPs or any of the female diseases, they are welcome to come to my journal and ask at any time. I'm not a doctor, but life has forced me to become an expert. As women, we have to stick together in this. The world at large is against us -- In America, an insurance company is 7 times more likely to pay for a Viagra prescription than they are for birth control.

Re: depo

[pooxs.livejournal.com]

what the hell does bcp stand for? birth control pill?

and im on depo because i couldnt remember to take the pill, the only other option was implanion, which i really didnt want coz the side effects for that were evil and i didnt want this visable lump in my arm (not visble my arse stupid pamphlet)

patches wernt available when i made the choice, and im very happy with depo, so i dont see any reason to change.

and personally, i like my 0 periods a year, i dont think i could go back to having them unless i wanted to get pregnant.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I like having my periods, other than the pain. It's like - I don't know. It's a cleansing experience. It's a mental thing, purely mental, I know, but I just *reaaaaally* don't want to stuff with my body. If I stopped having periods, I'd be like, "What? Huh?" And then starting them again would be so awful. Plus, as a pagan woman, my periods are really very sort of sacred to me. Going through that cycle makes me feel close to nature and close to the Goddess (The Moon). I know that sounds archaic, but it's a source of peace for me.

I mean, I don't have sex because I'm devoted to my career (married to it, in a lot of ways), so I don't really need birth control.

My main problem with all bcps, and this is the hugest of huge, is the weight gain. I cannot afford to put on the weight. I need to stay as slim as possible for my work (music). I'd rather have bad periods than a fat arse, because I can take a pill and the periods don't hurt anymore, but if I have a fat arse, I can't wear my nice clothes and do my thing as a singer. I know that sounds really stupid, but it's just - it's the way my life is I'm afraid. Music takes top priority.

[pooxs.livejournal.com]

thats understandable :)

i went of the pill in yr 11 because i stopped working and couldnt afford it, and then went back on it midway through yr 12, and i put on 10kg, it was so awful! (but got my skin was horrid when i was off the pill)

ive lost all the weight now (and am loosing more due to my thyroid slowly going back to normal), it works for me. i know itll be way hard to go back to having periods, but my periods were never that bad to begin with (except for the worst fucking sore back for the 3days prior to getting it)

[azinazelle.livejournal.com]

I hope you're feeling better. Said a prayer for you. Maybe God wants a cheering section for you? I don't know. Please God, help Nancy feel better and get a job she actually wants. I hope that works. ROTK was so awesome. I feel bad you couldn't see it today like me. Frodo, dear beautiful Frodo.

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

Bless you sweety. :) *hugs*