logansrogue: (Default)
[personal profile] logansrogue
Tomorrow I go to my 19 week scan to check on bubsy.

Every day now, I get naked before my shower and just look at my body. All my life, the pregnant body has been a source of wonder, joy, warmth. It was the body of a goddess to me, of a heightened state that I had seen so often. I think, on some level, in the past few years I'd convinced myself that it's a state I didn't deserve, that I wasn't good enough to achieve.

But here I am. My breasts are huge and heavy, they are like great ripe fruit, firm and round. And my belly, when hidden under clothes, is lost and small. But when I'm naked, and my regular fit curves and muscles are in stark contrast to these new lines: Round, firm, fertile... My heart is SO huge and full of love and excitement I can barely contain it. I stroke and caress them, not for me but for my baby inside. "I love you," I tell them, "I love you so much and I will never, ever stop loving you."

After having a miscarriage, each day with this wee child is a blessing. The reality of the change in my body is setting in, but I feel very little of the sadness of what my body has become. It is an immense blessing to me, something I never thought I would attain.

I feel SO lucky. I feel SO warm and complete. Little One, I wish I could tell you the change you have made in me. Already, at 19 weeks, I am a better person. And I just want to be better and better, all for you, my love.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-28 03:09 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] catundra.livejournal.com
Beautiful. I hope you are taking the time to sketch self portraits too...

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-28 03:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] logansrogue.livejournal.com
Oh, I should totally do that! Thank you for the suggestion! <3 <3 <3 I've been spending all my time trying to navigate life with all these symptoms. First the morning sickness for the first three months, and now with the exhaustion whenever bubsy has a growth spurt! (Which is often!) But I shall endeavour to do that because that will be perfect for the baby diary I'm writing!

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-28 08:12 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] cschoolgirl.livejournal.com

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-29 12:01 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anarchicq.livejournal.com
Congrats! Best of health to you and the little one.

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-29 04:10 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] robin99.livejournal.com
Congratulations xx

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-29 08:15 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] asweetdownfall.livejournal.com
Congrats Nance!!! <3333333

I adore the baby's nickname :)

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-29 02:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] sugarjet03.livejournal.com

(no subject)

Date: 2014-12-29 11:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] zzzzsleep.livejournal.com
Congrats on your belly full of love!


logansrogue: (Default)

April 2017


Most Popular Tags

Style Credit

Expand Cut Tags

No cut tags