...AAARGH!

[logansrogue]

I can't write. I can't. I worked a bit on my Xena story but I hated what I wrote and thought it was heinously out of character. I just loathe every word I'm producing right now. I feel like I'm just the WORST writer ever, that my sentences are cumbersome and clunky, that I miss the emotion of the moment, that I'm lacking subtlety in the portrayal of the characters, that I have absolutely no grace to my style at all.

I am having a *really* hard time moving from inspiration to working on the actual story.

God, what is wrong with me lately? I'm finding creativity VERY difficult. I usually enjoy the hell out of it. Right now I'm loathing it. I think it's a confidence problem... I'm not sure. I don't know.

See, this is why I'm writing The Muse. Creation sends you mad, completely and utterly mad. People that don't create stuff don't tend to know the anguish of making something out of nothing, it's really very exhausting and that it bleeds you dry sometimes.

I wish I was better than I am. I should be so very good by now, and I'm barely acceptable, I think. I've been stuck on Amaryllis for months. I haven't really done anything clever or new for such a long time, I'm surprised people check my journal anymore.

Okay, I'm working myself up into sadness. This is a good thing. Anything but apathy, really, cause that 'caring about nothing' shit is killing me.

ETA: Feedback. I need feedback. I just realised that I haven't had someone read my fic and tell me what they thought in a really super long time. *head desk* I'm going mad.

Comments

[strangedave.livejournal.com]

I should lend you Eddie Campbells The Fate of the Artist - its a comic sort of thing he wrote about being a creative person who is creatively blocked, among other things.

(happy to read stuff you've written and comment, rather read comic scripts than fanfic though)

[annearchy.livejournal.com]

You should get some feedback from people you trust.

Also, you might want to try role-playing games. I'm not really writing fic these days, but I'm having a hella good time writing for my RPG. I just picked up a third character (Mrs. Figg, who just appeared today). I'm feeling very creative in-game even though I haven't written anything on any of my fics in like a month. *shrugs* IMO fandom should be FUN, not work. The stuff that feels like work? Let it rest for awhile. It'll still be there. Do things that make you feel good :)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

That'd be cool. I need new material for my brain to munch on for a while, methinks.

(If I have new scripts, you're the first person I go to, luv!)

[logansrogue.livejournal.com]

I'm in an RPG right now, my AmazonsRPG. Xena based, with mixed fandoms thrown in (it's a meta-thing). I just needed to read, I think. I've been reading Agatha Christie and I want to get some more Dune books tomorrow.